You never know what’s round the corner… literally. As I signed off on the last post… the sun was setting over the rolling hills of the Mid Pyrenees and we had about an hour of driving left to arrive with our friends near Brassac.
So what could possibly go wrong??
I put my laptop away as My Gorgeous Man turned off the motorway and started out on the country roads.It was slow going after having been whizzing along at an illegal rate of knots with a couple of speed cameras flashing their disapproval at us.
My inner rebel had secretly loved it.
It soon became very obvious that our headlights were hugely… not very bright at all.We’d been very good European citizens and applied the very sticky headlamp stickers to our headlights so that our Right Hand drive car, now in a Left Hand drive country, didn’t blind any on-comers… but jeez… something else must have been up because we could hardly see a frikking thing.
Putting the lights on full beam we crawled along the country roads, peering over the dashboard as if those extra centimetres would help… and we became more and more frustrated with the Google Be-atch who kept taking us past signs for Lauzerte… the first one said 10km…. then after 15 minutes… 9km… and then we had a full on WTF moment when the last sign we passed said 11km.
If felt like we were going round in circles and we were rapidly losing our sense of humour.It was made all the more frustrating because having spent a good few weeks with our friends a couple of years ago after we Left Hong Kong… we would actually have known where we were if we could just have seen where the heck we were going.
Something had slammed into my side of the car… but all I’d seen was a fleeting shadow out the corner of my eye.
My Gorgeous Man and I were mortified and terrified into stunned silence
MGM… said “It’s ok… it’s got up and run off the road”….
I felt sick to my stomach and my heart began to break for whatever poor animal had somehow found the side of our car.We hadn’t run it over, it had literally run out from the surrounding black and ‘bounced’ off the side.Thank God we’d been going so slowly.
We’ve no idea whether it was a dog, fox or maybe even a small deer… but the impact was enough to make us stop… take a deep breath… and check out the car.And try not to cry.Whatever it was, had already disappeared back into the pitch black of the French countryside.
I didn’t actually care two hoots about the car… as all I’d felt was the full shock and impact through my body.How on earthcould it survive… and if it had got up and run off, surely it would be severely stunned, have internal bleeding, concussion and who knows what else.My eyes filled with tears and my stomach churned.I am a huge animal lover and abhor the pain, cruelty and suffering that comes at the hand of man… and yet, this was exactly what we had caused… albeit inadvertently.
MGM cautiously got out of the car to come round my side and see if there was any evidence of the impact. Thankfully there was no blood.But there was a big dent in the wing…. and when I tried to open my door… it was jammed.The dent was stopping the door from opening.
Shit… that was a big impact. We were both shaky and very upset… but probably nothing compared to what that poor animal was feeling.
All I could do was send Reiki.I didn’t want to feel into how the poor creature was… but I begged the angels to take care of it and if it was its time to pass, then please make it peaceful, quick and as pain free as possible… and surround it with comfort and LOVE.
My Gorgeous Man and I were so upset….
We started back driving in silence and crawled through the dark, having to fully handover trust to the Google Be-atch, to lead us to our friend’s home.But the joy and excitement had been somewhat thwarted.
About a half hour later we came to the turn off and crawled even more slowly down the track to their gorgeous barn conversion. We literally could have walked faster.
And what a lovely welcome we received!
We were instantly uplifted and ….Damn it was great to see them again!Huge hugs all round and massive glasses of wine were thrust into our hands as we all collapsed onto our respective sofas… with our respective dogs.
Now, admittedly there was a fair bit of tension in the air because of Sir Maxelot’s unpredictable and reactive history around other dogs… and sitting not far away from him was the massive gorgeousness of Tanzi, their 7 month old Ridgeback puppy… who was already almost the same size as Max.And she was absolutely desperate to meet him.
With Max’s history of lashing out… we had to keep him on his muzzle and lead. And as Sir Maxelot totally and obviously tried to blank Tanzi… and Tanzi pulled and whined and showed no signs of settling until she got to see her new ‘friend,’ we all tried to carry on our excited catch up conversations.
The wine helped hugely.
Dinner was soon ready and we thought it would be better to give Sir Maxelot some space and peace in our room with his own familiar bed and blankets while we all ate… and Tanzi could roam her home again.
About an hour later Scott went down to check on Max.
And it was a sorry sight that greeted him. Our beloved Sir Maxelot had freaked out and destroyed about a third of his new memory foam bed… and it looked like he’d also peed on his blankets.
Our hearts went out to him.
We realised that he’d probably felt as if he was being abandoned again… and we felt sh*te.His history as a rescued ex-racer with several unsuccessful attempts at re-homing, remained deep in his psyche and heart.He’s such a sensitive soul.So, seeing as we were so knackered and spaced out from the drive and dramas… we called it an early night and went to join Sir Maxelot and reassure him with all our hearts.
Max slept great that night.On our bed.He did a doggie starfish and stretched out his long, spindlylegs… while MGM and I clung onto the opposite edges of the bed and tried to sleep.Having your dog on your bed leaves no room for romance in your relationship… but at that point we didn’t care.Our little family was together… and we were half way to our new life in Spain.
The next morning we were very tired and achy from our contorted sleeping positions around Sir Maxelot… and we were admittedly anxious over how we were going to manage ‘the dog’ situation.
But… it turned out the Universe had it all figured out.
Long story short… we witnessed a miracle healing.
After an intense, nerve wracking up close meeting of much barking and canine behavioural boundary setting… Sir Maxelot and Tanzi settled into companionship.
We couldn’t believe our eyes.
Tanzi followed Max around besottedly asking him to play… and Sir Maxelot, totally tolerated her.So much so, off came his muzzle.We were soooo happy, delighted, relieved.It’s pretty stressful to have a reactive dog, as you are continually on high alert for potential encounters… even though you know the best way to help them is to drop your own fear and radiate calm, confidence and security.
But it was pure heaven for us to just him let go and witness a happy, muzzle free Sir Maxelot make himself quite at home. And he scored a huge amount of extra delicious treats… and Tanzi’s leftovers.Way to go Max!
What a gift.A lot of the healing shift was down to our dear friends and their wonderful energy, trust and dog savvy experience.
THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!
But as the saying goes, all good things come to an end, and after a couple of days of relaxed fun, peace, laughter and far too much wine… it was time to hit the road again.
My Gorgeous Man and My Friend’s Gorgeous Man had managed to un-dent the car wing so that the passenger door opened again… and new headlight lamps had been fitted at the local garage in the neighbouring village.It had been boy bonding time at its best while us girls guzzled more wine and reminisced over our days flying the skies with BA.With over 20 years of friendship we’d shared a ‘whole lotta life’s laughter, tears, challenges and crazy happy times.
So, from dog healing miracles and friends reunited… España was still calling… and our new life was waiting on the other side of another 2 days driving.
There are gifts in every moment of this crazy life upon earth… and miracles are very much a part of it.
In my next post… we finally arrive at our new home!
Do you believe in miracles?
If not… then prepare to change your mind!
This is the story of Linda Pollock’s instantaneous healing from just one session of Channelling Love combined with Bio-energy healing. Linda asked myself and Jo Beth Young for help when she was mysteriously struck down with 17 severe neurological stroke like symptoms, with a very poor prognosis for recovery.
Grab a cuppa and meet Linda as we chat about her miracle healing and how it has totally transformed her life.
If you’d like to know more about working with myself and Jo Beth Young for one-off healing sessions or personal transformational programmes… click here… or post a reply below… or just email me!
D-Day – Otherwise Known as Tuesday 21st November 2017
It was never going to be a conventional departure.As in get up, get dressed and just go.That would have been far too normal.
We’d known for the past couple of months that My Gorgeous Man’s mother needed to attend a dermatological appointment with her consultant (nothing life threatening) on the morning of the Tuesday 21st November… so we’d always geared our departure around being able to take her to that. She’s in the early stages of dementia and what might seem like a simple appointment to Joe Bloggs brings on huge proportions of anxiety and confusion.We knew what to expect, and it was important that she knew that we were there for her.
We were also having to factor in that our friends in France who we were pit stopping with, were going away on 25th and not having seen them since their wedding a couple of years ago… we wanted at least a couple of wild nights with them. And we absolutely HAD to be back in Spain by Sunday 26th as our rent is due to be paid on the morning of the 27th in the agency office. So all in all, it was a bit of a logistical, organising dream come true for MGM.
So, on the morning of Tuesday 21st November, we were up at 6am (but again, awake long before that) to totally empty our flat, do a last hoover round and dispose of Sir Maxelot’s ripped up and destuffed duvets that definitely weren’t coming with us.And of course, pack the last remaining bags into the car… which had mysteriously multiplied into making it very full car indeed.
We said a final thank you to the flat that had become our haven during our unplanned 2 year stay in Scotland, and pulled the door closed on that chapter of our lives.
This was it!
We were off to a new life in Spain… or more immediately… off to MGM’s mother in Musselburgh.
What we didn’t anticipate was a drama and confusion over the central heating when we arrived.But MGM being the knight in shining armour that he is, checked, clarified, double checked, triple checked back with his brother, wrote out instructions… and then drove his mother into the Edinburgh hospital,along with the whole of our life in the back of the car.
Sir Maxelot and I stayed in the comforts of her living room and had bit of a power nap and love in…. with lots of Reiki, which he loves. It helps him with his anxiety.Let’s face it.His normal routine had already been blown to bits and he is an emotionally sensitive, grumpy old bugger who likes his structure, home comforts and… alone time.Lots of patience, love and strong space would need to be held for him throughout the week’s journey and transition to Spain.
MGM and his mother ended up being away for a good couple of hours and had been told that a day surgery procedure would go ahead in December.It made our ‘Adios’ a bit easier and more difficult at the same time as it was already looking like MGM would have to come back to the UK after just 3 weeks.
Hugs and ‘Adios’s’ all round… and we finally hit the road… again.
And went straight to the nearby Asda to get in some unhealthy but very welcome chocolate, crisps and fizzy drink for Driver Number One ie. MGM… (he’d gone waaaay past the healthy wheatgrass smoothies by this point)…and I wanted to get some last minute fluffy pjs for my friend J who was still down in Spain waiting for us at our new home.Apparently the temperature had dropped quite a bit since I left after running the first twoChannelling Love retreats.
So… it wasn’t until after midday that we finally left Edinburgh… and to be honest we were both a bit shellshocked and numb.We had booked the 0123 Eurotunnel because it was the cheapest time, but it also gave us a massive 12 hours for the 9 hours drive, and with the hope that we could try and blag an earlier shuttle if needed.
The next few hours were spent, funnily enough, driving down the A1.
My friend J had Whatsapped us some ‘you’re doing great and keep going’ motivational photos from our awaiting Spanish garden… with the morning sun rising above the mountains, and it most definitely helped spur us on.
The weather for our first day’s driving was dark grey,rainy and particularly shite.
One thing became very apparent during the first 5 hours of our drive.It’s not until you spend 5 hours continually cooped up in the car with your beloved dog that you realise how much gas he actually expels…it was acrid.Sir Maxelot was totally oblivious to our streaming eyes, distress and rapid window opening…he was laid out in the palatial boot on his specially purchased memory foam mattress and favourite fleece rugs.Our boy knows how to travel.And we know how to spoil him.
But it felt like frikking FOR-EVAAAAH to even get down to Leeds.
We were feeling totally fried andwe were only just half way.You may remember that I’m not the best of passengers… so I spent a lot of time with my head in my brand new phone.
The day before, after having had lunch with my mother and moved though another emotionally charged “Adios” …. (she had put on a very brave front but I could feel what she was feeling and it was tough on both of us,) MGM and I followed our guts and made a mad dash to upgrade and up level my phone tech.
It had been very obvious while I’d been in Spain that my phone and network weren’t going to cut it.My livestreams had massively pixelated and my much anticipated LIVE interview with the inspirational cancer warrior Fi Munro had fallen flat as my phone didn’t have the capacity to hold the connection.Gutted.And embarrassed. Not going to happen again. Nope.
Seeing as our new life in Spain is based upon my work as a channel… it was a no brainer to invest in the foundations for our future.It had to be done.So we did it.I’m now the proud owner of a snazzy powerful iPhone that does things I‘d never even dreamed of and have no idea how to work.
But the eyestrain became too much as the greyness turned into blackness.It was now just a long drive in the dark. And in the rain. Yuk.
We made pitstops every couple of hours to clear our heads and to give Sir Maxelot a stretch.He was way more chilled out than us.And he peed and poo’d according to his usual structure and routine… and we gave him his first outdoor dinner in a services carpark somewhere in the midlands… I think.And he ate it… which meant he was doing a-ok.
MGM, not so much.
He needed to power nap… not even lucozade was helping.So I went into the services and blanched at the price of a latte while he instantly fell asleep.I came back after about 20 minutes to find him totally sparko, leaning at an awkward angle with his mouth wide open and looking absolutely gorgeous.I do love My Hunky Handsome Hero.So I went back into the services and loitered around the M&S food store.The only thing that grabbed my attention was the prossecco… and nope, I didn’t. In hindsight, I wish I had.
Things became a bit blurry after about 8pm.We were on autopilot.The Google Be-atch took us on a detour off the motorway which perplexed us and drastically lowered our stress tolerance, but after about 30 minutes of “For F*cks saking” we were reunited with the M20.The last hour felt like it would never end.One last pitstop for Max to release (in accordance with his night time schedule of 10.30pm) and then we realised that we were practically right next to the Channel Tunnel after all.
We had to pull over for a bit of rapid, tense “Where the F*ck is it??!” delving in a bag on the back seat to dig out passports… and just before we got to the kiosk, we were strangely asked to reverse back out of the queue and up between the concrete bollards to pull in to the neighbouring kiosk which looked deserted.
All passports glanced at… including Max’s and we were sent on to the French border kiosk, which was as similarly disinterested in any of us.
It turned out that our hope of hitching an earlier ride to France was impossible.We’d not long missed boarding for the 2320 shuttle… and the next one wasn’t till our booked one at 0123.All we could do was park up and wait.And I went into the terminal to get a bit of space.MGM and I were frazzled and trying not to snap… although he did a better job at holding it together than me.So I left ‘ma boyz’ alone for a bit and went for a cuppa and watched the shenanigans of 5 grown men up ladders trying to put up the central ceiling Christmas lights and decorations.I quickly got bored and went back to the car to try and show my appreciation and gratitude for all MGM’s driving.
I was actually so discombobulated that I couldn’t even be arsed to start panicking about the Eurotunnel.
I’m claustrophobic, so going underground, let alone underwater was something that I would avidly avoid in normal circumstances.But I’d had to pull on my big, brave pants because even worse than being underground, was the thought of leaving Sir Maxelot alone in the car on a ferry’s lower decks.So when we were finally waved into the shuttle train and the sides began to close in on me, I listened intently to the safety announcement like a good girl and thought happy thoughts that didn’t include leaks or sea water.
It wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it would be.
I chose to ignore my changing ear pressure that marked our descent under the sea… but Max was loving his ride… he had the car behind him to check out… and we could see the guys taking photos of his handsomeness peeking out of the back window at them.
We arrived in France at 2am… except it was now 3am with the time change.The Google Be-atch thankfully led us straight to our budget Ibis 10 minutes away and we finally pulled into the carpark at 0333… another master number!
For a while during the journey we’d had the double master number of 22.22 as our predicted arrival time at the Eurotunnel… so we’d felt very Universally supported and protected! I do love the Divine signs of the Universe.
We pulled out our overnight bags… woke Sir Maxelot from his comfy bed… and headed to the automated check in machine and thankfully all that worked too. A slip of paper was printed out with our room number and a code to get in the door.
It was like walking into a plastic prison cell and Sir Maxelot was not best pleased… hardly any room to turn his longness around and he stood steadfastly looking at the door.So much so, that MGM thought he might be asking to go out… so he took him out again.But all he did was go mental at a giant rabbit that appeared from nowhere.His old training and instinct as a hunting breed and ex-racer was still very much alive.Back in the room, I took the top single bunk… and the boys happily took the double bed below.There was no space to bring his mattress in at all.And we all said goodnight.
Max slept well.We both heard him excitedly chasing that rabbit while we tried to count sheep.And at about 8 am we surfaced from a half uncomfy sleep into semi conscious action.It was time to just hit the road again.Sir Maxelot had breakfast served in the car park and then he happily jumped back into this fleecy palace.We took deep breaths, set up google Be-atch and headed into the unknown.
An hour in and we stopped for french pain au chocolate… and 2 hours in, we hit Paris.
As I’ve been writing, and you’ve been reading, My Gorgeous Hero of a Man has masterfully navigated the jammed packed roads filled with pushy, Parisian tailgating drivers who know very well where they are going. He managed to drive us through all the turn offs, verge lefts, rights and whatever else was needed to keep us going south.
It was extremely intense.
He’s a much, much happier A1 Driver when I don’t ‘help’… and I’m a much, much happier passenger when I don’t see red brake lights lighting up in front of me.We make a fab team.I heard the call from the Universe to write this blog post now, with my laptop on my lap and my head and my heart in the blogging world of Namaste This… and it meant that MGM and I could remain friends and in lurv after all.
So there you have it… we’re a day and a half into our transition into a new life.We’ve another 6 hours or so to go until we’re in the Mid Pyrenees where we’re staying for 3 nights with one of my dearest friends.We met way back in the early 1990’s flying for BA and oh boy… we had some great times in the good ole days… which was affectionally known as Beach Fleet… i.e.. Gatwick Base in the 1990’s. Despite the distance and the passingyears… we’ve always been there for each other.It’s a true friendship… we just pick up where we left off.
The only blip on this French horizon is that they have an excitable Rhodesian Ridgeback puppy… and as gorgeous as she is… we’re praying and asking Sir Maxelot to love her too.As with some ex-racing greyhounds, he’s not that keen on other breeds of dogs… but combined with his preference for sleeping and alone time, it’s going to be an interesting couple of days for sure.
I’ll keep you very much posted.
PS. The Benefits of Breathing Deeply
One of the easiest and quickest ways to reduce increasing stress and anxiety (either in the moment or longterm) is to take some long, slow deep breaths. Generally, we don’t use the full capacity of our lungs when we breathe… and this means that there isn’t the maximum amount of oxygen in our blood cells to fuel our body.
The Benefits of:
Lowers blood pressure
Promotes blood flow
Promotes clear thinking
Releases toxins from the body
Strengthens abdominal and intestinal muscles
Natural pain relief
Increased self awareness
Try it and see!
For a count of 5 – Breathe in through your nose, and down into your belly
Hold for a count of 2
For a count of 5 – Breathe out through your mouth
Repeat 5 times
Build up the repetitions!
Start bringing this very simple and basic exercise into your daily practise and whenever you feel any anxiety building up.
So here I am sitting on our terrace in the Spanish Alpujarras with the late afternoon sun on my face, and I’m just so filled with gratitude.Mad dashes to hospitals and crazy life challenges already feel like a lifetime away… but I thought you might enjoy what went down when I landed into Spain to claim our new home… just over 2 weeks ago!
Due to our flat not selling as we’d hoped… and My Gorgeous Man’s emergency surgery, I was having to leave MGM and Sir Maxelot behind in Scotland.It was a lot harder than I thought it was going be.Through all the rough and tumble of the last few months, we were both in need of ‘me’ space… we had even been joking about what a relief it would be.
For two and a half weeks, MGM would have our great big, comfy sofa, complete control of the remote control, super fast, strong internet and the company of our beloved, unsociable greyhound… and have the space to tie up many of the loose ends needed to close up our Scottish life.And I would move into our new Spanish home, get everything established and have the joy of the mountains and the company of my dear friend Jo Beth Young as I ran my first two Channelling Love Retreats.
I would be setting up Spanish base camp.
But when MGM dropped me off at Edinburgh airport… I got all girly and teary and had a great big lump in my throat. What made it worse was that we’d not had a good morning as we’d packed up the next stage of our life and flat.We were supposed to have been moving to Spain, happy and together.Not like this at all.Nope. Nope. Nope.
On the other hand… and ever the optimist…
I was still very excited to be going!
Inside the terminal I dropped off my bag that was within a whisper of the maximum limit, and then I got completely and utterly scanned, x-rayed, undressed, searched, unpacked, questioned and swabbed at security.I blame it on the mix of my big pouch of crystals, recording equipment, vitamins and all the contents of my Goddess Office that I’d been able to miraculously stuff into my wheelie bag.
Freed and re-assembled, I headed straight for the bar.But the bar was absolutely chocka and I just didn’t have the energy to push through and stand there alone like ‘billy no mates’ with a large glass of vino blanco.
So, I got a meal deal from Superdrug, scrounged some space on a bench and speed read through a very trashy newspaper instead.
By the time I landed at Gatwick, all my emotional and physical knackeredness was kicking off and in. I felt like I’d been pulled through a hedge backwards, forwards, and sideways.I felt sick, excited, terrified, upset, wiped out and just about everything that wasn’t peace and love.It turned out that my friend, J, had had a similarly tumultuous day, so we headed straight to M&S in the terminal to get some supplies in for our room at the budget Airport Inn.
It shows you how knackered we were, when we only got a quarter bottle each.
Tired of dragging our suitcases (which felt like the dead weight of our entire life’s possessions) around the terminal we said “F*ck it,” to finding the elusive courtesy hotel bus stop and treated ourselves to a taxi.And within a few minutes we had a plastic keycard in our hands… then we were marvelling at the towel swans on our beds… making Wonder Woman changes into PJs… emptying our quarter bottles of bubbles into the mugs and taking turns to spew out our day’s traumas.
And everything began to feel so much better.
Because that’s what true friends and soul sisters are for.
The alarm went off at an ungodly hour the next morning, not that long after our verbal diarrhoea had actually calmed down…and we dragged our bags and asses downstairs and dragged our bags and asses onto the bus… dragged our bags and asses along escalators and dragged our bags and asses to the check-in that’s no longer called check-in.It’s all drop off… except not… because my friend had a guitar with her… and that had to make it’s own sacred journey through outsized baggage.Now you wouldn’t think that any of this would be difficult.But what made it all very interesting was that my friend was completely and utterly, legally drugged up to her eyeballs with super duper tranquillisers in order for her to even step on to our waiting plane.So, for all intents and purposes, her body was there, but she most definitely was not.She was zombieville on legs.
Amazingly when I’d done the online check the day before, our separate, independentbookings had been seated together.
I mean, c’mon, that is sheer magical Universal support, if ever there was!
So I did feel that everything was going to flow with ease… and hey presto it did.J managed to get on the plane without freaking out, she got a bit tangled up and confused with her seat belt… but travelling with an ex-HotHostie with 23 years flying experience, has its advantages.I even remembered where the exits were and I very much enjoyed rebelling and not watching the pre-flight briefing.
The flight was full… but fine.
The woman on the aisle opposite was a constant source of entertainment as she shifted through image changes, clothing options, beany on and beany off.We had our sandwiches and crisps and as J had requested nonstop distraction and chats… that’s what we did.For two and a half hours.I kind of felt sorry for anyone around us.Our random chats ranged from “You’ll never believe what happened” to full on ‘spookywuwu’ and “I wonder what it’s going to be like when we get there.”
J was blessed.She was on drugs.
And I didn’t really want to admit that I was nervous about the car rental and finding our way out of Malaga.But we had our best friend Google all lined up on my mobile… so what could possibly go wrong?
For a start, at the car hire desk everything was going great until the subject of insurance came up.I was under strict instructions from My Gorgeous Man NOT to be frightened into taking out the fully comprehensive option.
“It’s not necessary” he told me.“You don’t need it… it’s a scam!”
Funnily enough J’s Dad had said exactly the same thing when she left for the airport too. But when that very nice lady behind the desk, who looked so honest, helpful and trusting, said that I wouldn’t be covered for any damage and I wouldn’t have any roadside assistance… my resolve broke and another couple of hundred quid was added to my credit card.
I felt sheepish and done over.J was kind of coming out of zombieville and did her best to make me feel better. I felt sick to my stomach.Anyway… we dragged our asses and bags around the terminal… down the ramp… along the lower level garage with row upon row of rental cars and could we frigging find parking place number 77 where our dinky car was waiting for us?Nope.It should have been so easy.
But it wasn’t.
And then we found it.
It was a doh moment that neither of us want to mention again.
Spookily, the number 77 is a very positive and significant number for me, so all things considered, we were off to a good start.Turns out it’s J’s lucky number too.And MGM is also a 7 man, so the Universe really was stacking up the good stuff for us.
We took our time packing up our dinky, minuscule car, which took some figuring out with a large, awkward shaped guitar case along with solid suitcases, wheelies, bags et all… but eventually I got in behind the wheel.I took some more time to figure out left from right, indicators, wipers, lights and all the usual essentials… and then there was no putting it off.I was going to have to drive.
Put the “Google Be-atch on,” … and… “Wagons roll!”
I should just add that calling Google Maps the ‘Google Be-atch’ is a term of endearment.When we were in France she took us down many a tiny road that no car should ever go down… and which had us swearing our heads off… at her… but at the end of the day, she always got us to where we wanted to go.We love her, really.
So, driving out of the car park, the Google Be-atch roared into action, took us around a couple of roundabouts and onto a very busy and fast dual carriage way.
And then the Be-atch froze.
J’s state of zombieville was prevailing and I could see her struggling to compute.There was nothing for it but to keep on driving and hope that the Google Be-atch caught up with us.
But she didn’t.
J did an amazing job of forcing her brain into full action and fired up her own Google Be-atch… and we both sighed a sigh of relief as she told us to keep going in the direction we’d found ourselves going in.But when we weren’t commanded to turn off towards Granada, we knew there was something very wrong.
What also felt ‘wrong’ was the fact that Spanish drivers just don’t give way and they drive right up your frikking ass.My enforced zen, was very forced.I would guess that J was secretly very relieved that her horse strength tranquillisers hadn’t fully worn off.
It turned out that J’s Google Be-atch was programmed to avoid motorways and before we knew it, we were heading into the frenzy of Torremolinos.And I heart stoppingly discovered that our minuscule car’s brakes, were very, very soft and very, very slow indeed.
Much more zen was needed than anticipated.
There was nothing for it, but to take control. I defied J’s Google B and went fully round the next roundabout and headed back towards the airport.J managed to reboot my Google B and we warmly welcomed her back into our lives… especially when she told us where to go… and it made sense.
The motorway was extremely busy and within our first half hour, we drove past 2 crashes that had blocked off lanes.J and I were consciously breathing very deeply and saying “Everything’s fine!” in very high pitched voices.
Thankfully, as we left the city behind, the traffic eased and I made friends with our minuscule car and we settled in for the drive up into The Alpujarras.Turning off the motorway about an hour later towards Orgiva was very exciting… and I then had a momentous wave of hugest appreciation for MGM’s driving back in June. Windy mountain roads.It was very different to city driving… and the number of cars up my ass was proof of it.
We rocked into Orgiva in third gear at around 4pm.
We had about an hour before meeting our Angel Agent to take possession of the keys to our new home.I had no idea if I would be asked for more rent, cash, bank details, or have to pay for October that we had had to cancel.I had no idea if I would even be able to understand him.Perhaps it had all been a fluke back in June.Or perhaps he wouldn’t even show up.So J and I went for one of those iced lattes to die for and hit the sugar boost, hard.And at 5pm almost on the dot… there he was, opening the door to his office that we were keeping an eye on from our overloaded sugar station.
OMG, how I loved and thanked the Universe in those next moments.
He smiled, shook our hands, asked after our flight and said he would take us straight to the house.Rent could be sorted out tomorrow morning! Wow!
“Let’s go!” he said… “Follow me and I’ll take you there!”So we did!
We managed to find each other in our respective cars on the other side of the town square and off we went.
Around the back of Orgiva, along a windy, single track, with the mountains lit up by the lowering sun and orange trees lining the way.We pulled in through the gates, up past more orange trees, rose bushes and morning glory flowers adorning the fences… and then, there she was. The owner Rosa was outside the house with a great big welcoming smile… and a basket of fruit from the gardens, milk, water… and bottle of red wine in the fridge.We were overwhelmed.
“See you tomorrow!” the Angel Agent waved as he left and then Rosa happily handed over the keys and headed back down to her house below.
And that was it.
I had moved us to Spain.
The house was ours.
No problems.No complications.No fuss.
Just trust, ease and flow.
I couldn’t quite believe it.
As soon as they left, J and I cracked open our celebratory bottle of bubbles and proceeded to happily glug it back as the sun went down.And then we cracked open another bottle as the stars shone out from the clear night sky.And we finished that one too.What a day.
Oh how I wished MGM and Sir Maxelot were with us… I already missed them.And as I glanced up into the heavens a massive shooting star glittered its way across the sky.
Wow.Thank you Universe!
Once again you’ve given us a sign, that moving to the Alpujarras is absolutely, without a doubt… the right move for us… and the place for us to call home.
In my next instalment I’ll be sharing what went down during my first 2 weeks here… it’s not what you’d expect!
PS. And this is why I’m now sooooo glad I was railroaded into the hire car fully comp insurance with roadside assistance. A totally flat tyre… with a bestie who knows how to change one… and a brand new replacement car on the way.
Nobody warned us it would be so stressful to follow our dream.Turns out it takes balls.And now that My Gorgeous Man’s gall bladder has been unceremoniously relieved of its duties… it’s time to for us to pull up our big brave pants and… Just Do It. Nike would be proud of us.
I’ve been asked a few times how we ended up picking the Orgiva area?
Well… the answer is… we followed the… F L O O O W.
When we were Universally kicked out of Hong Kong, we spent about 6 weeks down in the French Mid-Pyrenees and then the Cote d’Azur with a view to finding our new home and life. We’d had French barn renovations (MGM’s thing) and snow capped mountains (my thing) on our Honkers vision board. Blessed to stay with friends from my ‘Hot Hostie’ flying days who were now living in France, we all drank far too much wine and had way too much fun.
But I just hadn’t felt a connection with the land. For me, that’s the deal breaker.And that’s why, two years ago we ended up back in our home town of Edinburgh.It seemed the logical thing to do.Go home until we find our new home.
Looking back, it was over 4 years ago that I was first introduced to Orgiva.My co-creatress and wonderfully spooky soul sister and I had been looking for a European venue to host our Illumination Retreat for Women. And a friend of a friend put me in touch with another friend who had done just that, in Orgiva.
OMG, when I saw the pictures, my heart soared and melted all at once.It was absolutely stunning.I didn’t realise it then, but I’d fallen in love with the land.
But life went on… the retreat didn’t happen and The Spanish Alpujarra faded into the back of my mind.
Fast forward to 3 years ago and my wonderfully spooky friend came out with a blinder.
“I don’t know why I’m telling you this… but you need to look at Orgiva.”
Fairynuff. But we were still in Honkers and I still didn’t pay Orgiva much attention.
It was only this year, when MGM and I were so fed up with life in Scotland, that I actually ‘heard’ her.She had been persistently patient.
Now, when you’re ready to hear, you hear.And that’s when the magic of the flow picks up pace.
So there we were, earlier on this year, so frikking miserable that we were seriously on the verge of packing up, buying a camper van, fecking off and figuring it out along the way.As you remember, this didn’t go down too well with our nearest and dearest and we temporarily got back in our box.Until June.When we did the sensible thing and flew down there for a week to check this place called Orgiva out.
The Universal flow even gifted us a rare run of TV programmes on Andaulica and Granada.And, boy did it looked stunning!
MGM followed the Google flow and had found us a gorgeous Eco Airbnb on the outskirts of Lanjaron (5 miles from Orgiva) that suited us perfectly for our week of Alpujarra explorations.It was run by an English woman who was a holistic therapist… with space to hold retreats and workshops.We booked in and the flow REALLY began to flow.
In my heart, I was already running retreats there.
Nothing could prepare us for actually being there… or for the feel of the land… and those stunning mountain views.OMG. I was in heaven.I was sold.My dream of snow capped mountains might not have to stay a dream after all.The scenery was dramatic, but gentle.It felt like the land was welcoming me and holding me… there was an underlying strong, high vibration that was powerful and deeply healing… transformational, yet soft… soporific but reviving. And I literally felt myself relax and come alive all at once.
If you’ve read my previous blogs, you’ll know that we started looking at properties.We had some absolute nightmares and absolute delights… and it became obvious that looking for a new home while living in a different country really wasn’t going to work.
We needed a starting point… ASAP.
It was while we were having an ‘overloaded sugar boosted, ice-cream latte to die for’in Orgiva town centre that we spied an agents with some interesting properties that were in our price range.And they did rentals.
The agent, didn’t speak a word of English.And neither of us spoke Spanish. I’m still pretty fluent in Brazilian Portuguese from my married years in Rio de Janeiro so there was enough of a tiny slither of common ground to cover the basics. With a lot of made up words, intuitive guessing and blank looks along the way.
We had an interesting afternoon with him. He happily took us totally off road and directed us up a dried out river bed to get to a property, couldn’t unlock the massive heavy duty padlock…couldn’t get a phone signal to get hold of the owner… and we eventually ended up back in his office, scrolling through rentals.
I have absolutely no idea how it happened, but we saw the place that we’re soon going to be calling home and just knew it was for us.He took us to see it there and then. The owner was an animated and eccentric woman but she had such an open heart… and she had 2 equally crazy, high energy terrier type dogs that adoringly followed her around nipping at each other… and her ankles.Through all her gesticulations, she agreed that we could move in for the winter… along with our anti social, ‘size of a mini pony,’ rescue greyhound.
MGM and I couldn’t believe our luck.It had a pool.A secure garden.A BBQ.A view.Was within walking distance of the town.
And it was ours… if we paid up now.
Now there’s nothing like being asked for cash up front to give you a reality check.Both of us swallowed hard.And we said we’d come back the next afternoon with the deposit.That gave us over night to think about what we were doing. To worry about what we were doing.To question what we were doing.And to basically not sleep at all.
Were we mad?!Handing cash over to an agent who I certainly didn’t fully understand… but he didn’t seem to care two hoots that we didn’t yet have Spanish paperwork… or Spanish bank account… or the essential NIE for all life to function in Spain.Perhaps I hadn’t understood anything of anything!Perhaps he was having a laugh and rubbing his hands together with glee.
Or perhaps he was the Universe’s answer to all our newbie, naive expat needs!
My Gorgeous Man and I agonised over the ‘should we or shouldn’t we’… and all the ‘what ifs’ that could possibly be ‘what iffed.’
At 3am… EVERYTHINGis MAGNIFIED in the worst possible way.Loaded with the worst possible outcomes the air was heavy with fear.But what I wasn’t willing to ignore, was the fact that my heart and my gut still said…
“For Fecks Sake Just Do It!!”
The thing was… if we didn’t pull up our big, brave pants… then we would head back to Scotland and nothing would have changed.No home and no starting point in Spain.And that felt a whole lot worse than taking a risk.
“It’s only money!” we said.Cue the nervous laughter.
But isn’t it crazy how we can talk ourselves out of something that’s actually great for us… because we’re conditioned to expect the worst… and be terrified of making that ‘wrong choice?’
So first thing that morning, blurry from lack of sleep, we rocked up at the agents and said YES!A great big grin spread across his face… and he asked for the cash deposit.MGM went across the road to the cashpoint and sucked our account dry.We handed our stash over and he handed us back a hand written receipt on yellow paper. And all was finished off with great big firm handshakes and wide smiles saying “Muy bien!”
That was it.
And then our minds caught up… and we realised what we’d done.Handed over cash with no contract or any of the ‘normal’ rental reassurances.
It actually felt GREAT!
It had all just ‘happened’… the flow had taken over and we’d gone with it.
So we went for another sugar boosted caffeine infused glass of badness to celebrate.It was too early for cerveza.
It wasn’t long after that, that we found out through the local network that our smiling agent had a reputation as a bit of a shark.
Oops.Oh well.Not much we can do about it now!No point in worrying!Definitely cerveza time.
And so we flew back to Scotland, with what we hoped was a new home under our belt. Our life was about to change big time.
And on a surge of inspiration I set dates for my Spanish Channelling Love Retreats at the Eco-Finca we’d stayed at.And they sold out so quickly that I set up an extra weekend… and that sold out too.
So as you read this, I am now in Orgiva… MGM is still in Scotland fully recovering from his surgery and closing up our home there… and I will be welcoming my first retreat guests on Friday 3rd November 2017.And while my guests will be enjoying the Eco Finca, I’ll be setting down roots in that gorgeous little house that we’d bravely put the inspired deposit down on back in June.
Because yes… the ‘shark’ of an agent came through for us. He is now officially an Angel Agent.
Sometimes things just aren’t too good to be true… they’re the gems that the Universe brings you when you’re brave enough to follow your heart.
Next time… I’ll be sharing my arrival back into Spain accompanied by my legally, super drugged up, sedated friend… and what actually happens when you make those life changing shifts and land on the land.
PS. Non fluffy TOP TIPS for following your heart…
Don’t believe everything you’re told…
Don’t do everything you’re told…
Don’t believe everything you read…
Don’t take everyone else’s experience as gospel… everyone loves a bit of exaggerated drama and a story tell.
There’s always going to be 3 sides to a negative experience and you’ll never know the truth.
The internet is generally full of negative experiences and fear based stories!
Listen to your gut reactions.
Stand your ground and do what feels peaceful, easy, flowing and right for YOU.
BE BRAVE! And buy big pants.
Coming soon to Namaste This! My new step by step video leading you through a simple process to help you hear your heart. Watch this space 🙂
It’s almost 2 weeks since My Gorgeous Man had his little fecker of a gallbladder removed and you could say we’re getting back into the swing of normal life.Except it’s anything but normal.MGM is getting stronger but is still fragile… we’ve just received 3 requests for sales viewings of The Flat… and I’m now getting ready to head off to Spain to host my first two Channelling Love retreats.
But, let’s bring MGM’s surgical escapades to a close first.Because while he was still laid out on the ward, I had the weirdest of 36-ish hours.Looking back on it, I’m able to shake my head and laugh but I honestly couldn’t have made it up.
A good few hours after leaving MGM being prepped for surgery, I phoned the hospital to find out if he was back on the ward.It was only meant to be a routine surgery for them, maybe lasting 90 minutes.But my stomach hit the floor when they said he was still in recovery.Due back… but still in recovery.The nurse was cagey and I felt she was saying a whole lot more through her silence.
We later found out that it was one of the most difficult keyhole removals they’d ever done because his gallbladder was so inflamed and basically f*cked.Amazingly, the surgeons had managed not to fully open him up… but his recovery would be as if they had.
I ran Sir Maxelot round the block on his teatime walk, gave him some extra goodies, told him that I would be back and everything was going to be ok and headed straight back up to the hospital.And I sat in MGM’s empty cubicle waiting for him to reappear.It was horrible.And when he was wheeled back in on his bed, that was horrible in a whole new way too.All my empathic alarm bells went ballistic at once and I had to fight back the waves of trauma and nausea… and will my tears not to fall.Deep breaths, Sally, deep breaths.MGM really wasn’t there at all… so all I could do was hold his hand, and breathe.And try not to see his surgical drain, and bag of bloody fluid that was now right next to me.
He was in and out of consciousness and awareness, and after a couple of hours… he came round enough to say “Why don’t you just go home?You hate hospitals… and I’m not up to much here.’My hunky, handsome hero… always thinking me.And in all honesty, I was relieved.He was in good hands.Plus, there was an upset furry baby at home and a good chance of some more ripped up duvet awaiting me.
So home I went. There was no ripped duvet, and Sir Maxelot even came and sat with me on the sofa.Sitting next to you, without actually touching you, is his way of giving you a great big bear hug.More about Sir Maxelot another day… but I was so over tired, wrung out and strung out, that I can’t even remember much about what was left of that evening.
What I do remember was not being able to properly sleep… and having the weirdest most uncomfortable, ‘this is real’ dreams. You know the ones, where you have a full on deep dreamand think you’ve been out for the count for 10 hours, but it’s only been 10 minutes.It was about 3am, when the hackles on my neck went up and a slow prickling terror seeped through into my body and my now fully conscious senses, and I was frozen with fear.
I knew exactly what was happening and I knew exactly what I had to do.
If you aren’t wuwu, psychic or believe in spirit… then you’ll find what happened next, a bit weird or unbelievable. But when I started this blog, I made a commitment to you, to tell it all, exactly as it is…. and I’m sticking to that.As a channel, what happened is part of my ‘normal’… but it may well be a world away from your normal, and that is perfectly OK.
That night, I had a rare psychic attack.
There was a dark presence… and it was in the hall looking right at me through the bedroom door.I don’t see spirit, but I have full on accuracy for sensing and knowing.My home is sacred space and normally, it is an energetically clear, super duper strong and high vibrational space.It’s many years since I’d experienced a lower vibration coming in and it just highlighted how out of sorts I was.I pulled every ounce of energy, light, strength, will power and Divine light into my body, put a 999 call out to my invisible team and the biggest, toughest, brightest security guards with feathered wings and took myself through my own process to clear my body and space.
It is horrible when this happens, but you have to step out of your FEAR and take CONTROL.Fear is actually your biggest challenge. It may shake you to the core, but it also shows you how powerful you are energetically, emotionally and spiritually.
These experiences generally come when you are opening up psychically… none of us like them, but it’s all part and parcel of deepening and strengthening our gifts and awareness.It’s an aspect of spiritual awakening that a lot of people (and teachers) don’t like to publicly talk about.Being psychic and empathic is not all about crystal balls, fluffy pink unicorns, air kissing and hippydippy love. It’s real deal life as an awakened soul upon earth.
But just as I was slipping back into a semi-sleep, I was sure I heard a yelp.
I leapt out of bed and as soon as I opened the living room door he shot out of there like a bullet and ran through to our bedroom and jumped up onto the bed.We needed each other and as a very sensitive dog, he had most probably felt what was going on.He often comes to lie with me during my channelled healings as he loves soaking up the high vibes.He curled up at the bottom of the bed and we relaxed into each other’s security.Miraculously, his patched up and re-stuffed duvet was still in tact.
Fast forward 24 hours.
MGM had been moved onto a different ward… I still hadn’t slept properly.It had now been 4 nights in a row of practically no sleep and I was totally zombified, functioning on adrenaline and auto-pilot. Bizarrely, I had found myself posting a ‘raw & real’ inspirational post on Facebook… pulling the Divine Signs oracle card for myself (which means everything is fandabbydoo and Divinely guided) and sharing the message with the online world.
I was so out of it that morning, that I even answered my phone to a number that I didn’t recognise…
“Hello! I bet you didn’t expect to get this call?!” You’re right, I didn’t.Who are you? “It’s ******… remember me?” Holy Feck, it was a guy who I had had my first couple of dates with back in my mid-teens. “I found you on FB and saw that you’re moving to Spain… and…. and… and…“
I was confused.
This was just beyond surreal.He was happily chatting away and I was wracking my brains trying to figure out how he had found my number.The old me, would have politely chatted back, not wanting to appear rude.But, I just couldn’t get my head round this and I didn’t want to play.In the end I had to interrupt and say,
“Sorry, but My Gorgeous Man – you know.. the love of my life, my partner, my all (and I’m not quite sure why are you phoning me?) has just had emergency surgery and I’m not up for chitchats.”
Just what was the Universe up to? Was I missing something? But I was just too tired and beyond trying to figure stuff out.
So, onwards and upwards… another trip round the block for Sir Maxelot… more gravy bone bribes as I headed out the door and back to MGM on his new ward.The day before, I’d stood helplessly in the massive entrance and reception area of the hospital on the end of the ‘help phone’trying to understand the directions I was being given on how to find my love through the maze of corridors.
Right now, it felt like MGM was on the other side of the world.
I was exhausted. And when I got to MGM, I could see he was exhausted too.The ward was busy.The nurses were busy.I moved the chair round to sit by his side and got ready to just read my book as he dozed.They’d removed the drain from his side earlier and it hadn’t been pleasant… and I felt the familiar sickening energy waves from the trauma, hit my solar plexus.Waves of awfulness kept coming but I breathed through it… after all, he was the one that had gone through it, not me.
MGM, was not in a good place and I knew something was up.It didn’t take him long to tell me that it would be better if I just went home.There’d been gossip, difficulties and politics in me coming to sit with him.Turns out that visitors weren’t really allowed on the Day Surgery ward, unlike the ward he’d been on before.Of course the other patients didn’t know that he was ‘resident’ and had been moved there to free up his bed. I wish someone had just told me.
I was mortified. Deeply upset that I’d upset the staff that I’d been so grateful for.I fought back my over-tired tears.MGM was struggling, I was struggling.No need to make it all harder.So I closed my book, put the chair back on the other side of his bed, gave him a kiss and left.Tears were welling up and I was fighting them back.I went to the ward desk and said I was so sorry… I hadn’t known visitors weren’t allowed on this ward… and that I hadn’t meant to get in the way.I could hardly get the words out for fighting back the tears and the nurse just smiled kindly back at me, over the top of her glasses.
I made it out of the ward before the damn broke and crying won.
Truth is, I cried down the stairs, along the corridor, out the entrance, in through the other entrance, down the massive central halls, milling with people, nurses, doctors, patients heading out for a fags, porters, visitors and just way to many people.And I just couldn’t stem the flow.Nobody batted an eyelid and I was past caring anyway.It had just all been too much and I was finally letting go of everything.I cried my way round the strategically placed M&S food shop, chucking everything that I thought I wanted into the basket.Cried at the till.Cried as I paid.And cried as she wished me a lovely afternoon.I cried my way out of the building.Cried as I paid for the car park.Cried as I walked back to the car.
And when I finally got back into the car and clunked the door shut, I sobbed.And couldn’t stop sobbing.I mean, I really sobbed.Sobbed for everything and everyone.I felt so incredibly alone.I just wanted someone to hug me.
My ‘oh poor me’ self pity and inner victim were going into hyper-overdrive.
I found myself phoning a dear friend, even though I knew she was in the depths of work and probably wouldn’t even be near her phone… but miraculously she picked up straight away… and so I sobbed down the phone to her too.Literally unable to talk.These are true friends. She must have thought MGM had pegged it.She picked me up, brushed me down, distantly hugged me and sent me back out into the world.My eyes were swollen, my nose was running and I had no idea how much time had passed.
I glanced over my shoulder to see a queue of cars at the barriers and I knew it was time to leave.One more sniff… into reverse and round the one way system I went.When I got to the barrier I stuck my ticket into the machine and the red light started flashing.I couldn’t frikking believe it.And I started crying again.My ticket and payment had timed out.
By now there are other cars behind me waiting to be released.I pressed the intercom and heard my own pathetic crying voice say…
“Waaaah… my ticket’s timed out…I didn’t realise so much time had passed.”Sniff, Sniff, cough splutter. Mortified that I might also be on camera, my vanity kicked in and I rubbed my wet cheeks dry and made a pathetic attempt at a hair flick. “On you go love,” and the barrier opened. I cried again… a voice with a heart.
Or a hospital parking attendant who couldn’t be arsed to collect another couple of pounds.
And so I started the drive home, with swollen eyes, a blotchy face, dishevelled hair and a body that just needed to sleep the sleep of Repunzle.
Then turning up the road just past Holyrood Palace, I couldn’t believe my eyes.There was the one person I hadn’t wanted to see since moving back to Edinburgh… walking up the pavement in front of me, going in my direction and on my side of the road.And as the traffic was going so slowly, he ended up literally walking right beside me.
Of all the days. I mean… c’mon Universe! Give me a break… puleeeez!
Well, somebody upstairs did hear me, because amazingly, I wasn’t spotted.Thank you, thank you, thank you.
I made it home and collapsed onto the sofa. About an hour later, MGM phoned and said he was being discharged and could I please come and pick him up.
But oh sh*t… the flat’s a mess! Oh Sh*t… MGM really didn’t look well enough to be sent home. Oh double SH*T… how am I going to look after him?
I did a mega quick deep clean to make his home coming as nice as possible and then crawled back into the car.By the time he was legally discharged, it was early evening and dark… and I had driven down several wrong roads with a multitude of confusing roadworks and parking cones until I found the pick up point.The automatic doors opened and I saw this hunched over figure, gingerly shuffling through them.
My Gorgeous Man.He was free and he was upright. Damn I love that man!
The journey home was painful.Very painful.In every sense of painful. Every bump, every movement, just everything hurt him… and I cursed Edinburgh council’s obsession for digging up its roads.I was worried that MGM’s release and my ability to innately find every bump and hole in the road was going to become his downfall.But we made it, and after a heartfelt reunion with Max, who homed straight in to sniff his abdomen, MGM went straight to bed.
And Max joined him.
The drama was over… and it was now time to heal.And that night, I finally slept.In the spare room.My unconscious habit of impersonating a nocturnal starfish, wasn’t going to be helpful towards MGM’s healing.
So there you have it.
And amazingly, MGM’s recovery is going to be far enough along for me to head to Spain to run the two November Channelling Love Retreats that I’d launched and sold out back in June.Because we’d thought we’d be living there by then!
I have to admit that I’m very, very excited about these retreats… small exclusive groups (at grounded, real deal prices) coming to the Alpujarra to relax into the healing vibes of my channelling and be soothed, revived and inspired by stunning mountain views, organic food and the space to just be.
These retreats will be at the heart of our new Spanish life.
Ilove, love, loveholding space and running retreats! Check them out here… and if you want to make sure you don’t miss out on the upcoming dates early in 2018… then CLICK HERE!
So, come back next week to find out how everything is unfolding. I’ve still to tell you all about the synchronicity that guided us to the Alpujarra in the first place… and I promise there won’t be a gallbladder in sight 🙂
PS Top Tip for energetically cleansing your home:
White sage is the sacred plant traditionally used by the Native American Indians for energetic space clearing, ceremonies, protection and blessings. You can easily buy it online and in holistic shops. It comes as a bundle, and you just light it up so that it smoulders. Take it round each room and fan the smoke (traditionally with an eagle’s feather) into corners, around windows & doors and into all the nooks and crannies of your home.In your mind, hold the intent that the smoke is cleansing away any old & heavy energy, negative emotional and energetic residue and heavier vibrations.
And remember to waft the smoke around you too, to clear your yourself and your aura.
Make this a regular practice and you’ll soon notice the difference in how much lighter your home feels!
This past week has been a full on reality check, wake up call, terrifying, enlightening and humbling experience.The Universe threw the planning rule book out of the window and took the decisions we were trying to make, right out of our hands.
In short… the Universe ramped it up and saved us from ourselves.
This was the week that we were supposed to be arriving in the Spanish Alpujarra, and moving into our new rental home on the outskirts of Orgiva.That was what we had planned, organised and paid deposits for.Except here we are, still in Edinburgh, getting our heads round the fact that our flat hadn’t sold and our plan appeared to be in tatters.
With no enquiries, no visits and no ‘nothing’, My Gorgeous Man and I were finally letting go of our insistence to sell The Flatand had begun investigating various options of short and long term letting.That of course, meant we were also letting go of being able to buy a home in Spain.And that hurt.
It’s not easy to let go of the dream you’ve set in concrete… and as the greatest, strategic planner in the world, MGM was having an internal struggle with this plan, not panning out.
But what happened next, paled those stresses into insignificance and shed some light on the Universe’s way of working things out for us.
This week we’ve been reminded of our mortality.We’ve been shown that anything can change at any given moment… and that a healthy life should not be taken for granted… and life should be lived to the full.
On Sunday 1st October at about 1.30am, My Gorgeous Man woke me up.I wasn’t best pleased as I’d chugged back a considerable amount of wine during Strictly Come Dancing that evening, and I was already in full hangover mode… and in all honesty, still a bit pished.
But he was in agony with abdominal pain.And it was familiar abdominal pain. The gallstones were on the move again.And it was getting worse.Not being a man to complain, he paced the room and debated about calling an ambulance… he couldn’t catch his breath through the pain…we opened windows… tried different positions leaning against furniture… more pacing… but the pain became worse and worse and worse.And I got more frightened.Sir Maxelot (our beloved greyhound) also became increasingly anxious at the unusual night time activity and his Dad’s weird behaviour.But the pain became so intense that 999 was eventually dialled.It took longer than we hoped for the ambulance to arrive… and we strangely noticed how loud and creaky all the flooring was.Every single step throughout our home, elicited a creak. How had we not noticed that before?
It was a tired, lone paramedic that arrived.
I’m embarrassed to say that I can’t remember her name… but she was calm, down to earth and in our eyes… an angel.She wired MGM up, stuck sticky round stickers on him, took stats, machines beeped, papers printed out, lungs checked, temperature taken and yup… without a doubt, he needed morphine. The scale of 1-10 had now reached an 8/ 9.
But she’d forgotten her key card which was essential to gain access to the precious, locked up morphine.She said she was definitely going to get in trouble… but more than that, I could see that she felt terrible that she was unable to help MGM. I really felt for her.
So she called for another ambulance.Except, being a Saturday night all sorts of drunken hell was breaking out on the streets of Edinburgh and there was no availability.While it was reassuring to have her with us, it was also extremely distressing to be so helpless while MGM was struggling with the pain.Pacing, pacing, pacing… leaning… groaning… getting greyer and greyer… colder and clammier.
We waited over 90 minutes… and it felt like 90 years. Turned out MGM’s morphine bearing ambulance had been diverted to a cardiac arrest… so our paramedic angel upgraded her request to the highest priority so no more ambulances would be diverted away.She was adamant.At one point, she almost drove us there herself but it was that awkward 50/50 call of the length of drive versus the ambulance arriving.
Finally we saw the blue lights and we made our way down in the lift to the awaiting carriage.It was being driven by a 12 year old who looked as if he hadn’t slept for 10 of his 12 years.His name was Steve and through his exhaustion, he handed over the vial of morphine to our paramedic and reassuringly said “You’ll be alright now mate” and patted MGM on the shoulder.MGM was oblivious. Violently shaking with cold and shock in the back of the ambulance he lay on the stretcher and gently started to drift away as the morphine began to seep through his veins.Relief at last.
We were off… and while we were en-route our paramedic revealed her naughty streak.Turns out that young Steve has a ‘thing’ about people knocking on the dividing glass while he’s driving.It freaks him out.So both of us were resisting doing exactly that while trying not to giggle at the thought of doing it.Sleep deprivation does weird things to you.I remember it all too well from my days flying the long haul skies during the nights we felt would never, ever end.
As we approached the hospital I started to build myself up and take long deep breaths for courageous calm.As an empath, hospitals are not my favourite place.I feel way too much and if I don’t keep on top of it, I get nauseous, fuzzy and dizzy from the emotional and energetic trauma and pain around me.
I began filling myself up with…
to strengthen my aura and blast it out into our surroundings to dissipate the energetic and emotional Yuk.I was not going to succumb to the Yuk. No Siree, I was going to hold empowered space… not be overwhelmed.Luckily MGM was tripping out on the morphine and totally unaware of my own little challenge.
Our paramedic angels left us in the care of the A&E staff, sighing sighs of relief at not having had to face the ‘scary handover nurse.’They were nearing the end of their shift so they deserved this little respite.
It was a couple of hours after admission, having been parked in the corridor and then upgraded to a cubicle… several rounds of blood pressure cuffs, blood tests, abdominal poking and prodding done… that I started to take an interest in people watching.I couldn’t help but be transfixed by the young girl opposite, looking very much worse for wear but who was taking ‘funny face’ selfies of herself and her boyfriend who was puking his guts up into a hospital cardboard pot. Most cubicles had their curtains open and they were filled with a mix of old souls suffering… and incoherent drunks.I shined my light as bright as I could so I didn’t have to feel any of it.Best not to look too much, after all.
Finally, a doctor confirmed that it was gallstones.
And then the on call surgical doctor appeared. He swished back the curtain and stood in front of us like a God.Young, tall, fit, good looking and blonde… with confidence and charisma oozing out of him.He knew his stuff alright and his manner made us feel secure, seen and safe.We both felt like naughty children in his presence. I so wished I hadn’t just pulled on my mucky dog walking clothes and left last night’s mascara vaguely smudged around my eyes.My eyes actually felt like piss holes in the snow and it was obvious I’d been on the lash.All 3 glasses of Pinot Grigio.It might as well have been 3 bottles by the way I was feeling.My vanity took a big bashing in that moment.
“I’ll sort it all out for you”the Hot Doc said.His well educated voice boomed out, “You’ll get a scan at the emergency clinic today and an appointment with the consultant and you’ll probably be put on the list for surgery.There’s about a 2-3 month waiting list.”
“Ok,” we meekly nodded, all swept up in his all-powerful Doctor presence.“And seeing as your pain is easing, you can go home now if you wish, rather than wait in this environment till your appointment.”He shook our hands and off he swept.
And off home we went too.By taxi… with my illegal limits of el cheapo vino blanco still slopping its way through my system.God I felt awful. It was still pitch dark and we sat together in a silent ‘WTF just happened’ stupor in the back of the black cab with the heater on full blast. It was frikking freezing.
It was about 5am when we opened our front door… only to find a distraught Sir Maxelot had torn his duvet bed to shreds.That’s his thing when he’s upset.I tidied it up and brought him into the bedroom with us for some much needed shuteye.I eventually got a smidgen of sleep before his morning pee-stop was due.God, I really wanted a door opening out onto a garden.Not 2 lots of security doors and a lift down 4 floors and a walk to the nearest patch of grass.
Spain… oh, Spain where are you?! Our awaiting rental has a garden…. and a pool… and lots of trees for Sir Maxelot to investigate.
The rest of Sunday was a bit of a sleep deprived and hungover blur.I had to go and check out our Airbnb guests and clean the flat (this is the flat that’s not selling)… and remain there for the open sales viewing in the afternoon… which nobody turned up to. Sigh.
MGM had got the call and gone to his scan (which showed a giant 8mm stone) and came back saying they’d offered him surgery there and then.It was all a bit of a shock and his sleep deprived mind couldn’t think straight.He had been set on doing another couple of gall bladder flushes that naturally help release gallstones, and despite what had just happened, it could be months before another episode.So, as he hadn’t gleefully jumped onto the operating table right then, the consultant gave him a phone number in case of further emergency. And that was that.
Or so we thought.The excruciating pain came back with a vengeance.God dammit… in the middle of night again.With less than two hours sleep under my belt… and none for MGM because he’d been trying to ignore the rumblings of pain,we were on the phone to NHS 24.Too embarrassed to call an ambulance… we found ourselves caught up in NHS 24 protocols, prompts and procedures… so it was all the same questions, trying to get us to either say we didn’t need an ambulance or yes, we did because we weren’t breathing or were mid heart attack or stroke.I get it though… I really do.
In the end, we were given an emergency appointment with an out of hours GP at 1.30am… back at the hospital we’d spent the previous night in.Again gallstones was confirmed, but, “surgery is preferable between flare ups.”He kindly jabbed some pain relief into MGM’s shoulder and ass… but it didn’t even touch the pain.The decision was made to admit MGM for surgical observation and he was unceremoniously wheel-chaired round to the ward wrapped up in blankets and looking like shit.
The thing with gallstone pain is that it comes and goes.Apparently it’s worse than childbirth… and when it eases, you forget how frikking horrendous it was.
That’s exactly what happened. And a couple of hours later, we went home.AGAIN.
After a quick stint in bed, just long enough to see the dawn arrive… MGM is doubled over with the pain again.It’s now off the richter scale and I’m seriously scared… and MGM is panicking. The surgical emergency number only opened at 9am but we started ringing it non-stop anyway… just in case.I have to leave My Gorgeous Man and take Sir Maxelot out for a pitstop, knowing he was about to be left alone again. There was no point in calling an ambulance because we figured it would be quicker to just drive up there.So we called NHS 24 who took us round in more protocol circles and MGM lost it and shouted “Will someone just make a decision for me!”
Because we hadn’t declared MGM as an emergency and it was now past 8am, we were told to phone our GP because we’re now ‘in hours’.The GP phoned straight back, bypassed the bullshit and said “Just get your ass up to the hospital as quick as you can.” Well, she didn’t say actually say ass… but her urgency inferred it.
With all the runs to the hospitalhaving been in the night, it had given us a false sense of security about it not taking very long to get across the city.But it was now rush hour on Monday morning.With a 20mph speed limit that other drivers were suddenly religiously obeying.Bumpy roads. Road works. Buses.Cars.Buses. Pedestrians.And every frikking moron you could possibly imagine getting in our way and slowing us down.
“We’ll be there soon,”I kept saying,“NO WE WON’T” was barked back at me.
“You’re ok,” I kept saying because I couldn’t think of anything else to say… “I’M NOT OK” was grimaced through gritted teeth back at me.
MGM was past it… and I withdrew further into ultra calm silence.It was the best way for both of us to cope… and for me not to turn to road rage in order to get us to A&E quicker.
I wanted to speed into the A&E drop off area… screech to a halt… throw open doors and scream “SOMEBODY HELP US!!!”But I didn’t.Scottish A&E is about as far removed from the glamorous ER and Grey’s Anatomy as it could possibly be.I just pulled up on the double yellows, said a silent F*ck it… and helped MGM into reception.Papers were thrust into his hands and round the corner we went to the surgical observation ward.
When I returned from parking the car legally… I witnessed my hero of a warrior man become a whimpering animal through his pain.Leaning on the bed… crouching… pacing… shaking…making the most heart wrenching keening sounds… and yet still holding his dignity and respect for the staff.The staff were amazing… but they were avoiding pumping him with morphine until the surgical consult could see him.I especially remember the male student nurse… he deserved the teacher’s gold star for sure.
There was nothing I could do.No words.Reassuring back rubs didn’t cut it.So I just sat and held space.And prayed.
Then wouldn’t you know it… the privacy curtain goes SWIIIIIIISSHHH…. and there stands the Hot Doc in full green surgical kit.Arms crossed, one blonde eyebrow raised… and enjoying every metre of his moral high ground.
“Well… look what we have here!I saw your name and had to come and see you!”
“You turned down the surgery didn’t you… regretting that now eh?!”All said with a twinkling, dagger in his eye.He was making his point… and enjoying it.But through it all, we could tell he cared. He was a gem and he loved his work.
He stayed for a while, chatting about the surgery, saying how MGM was not a typical gall bladder patient but that due to his good health and not being overweight, it should be a breeze for him.
“It never happens you know… getting offered surgery on the same day!”
“If you were my father, I’d be telling you to have the surgery as soon as you can.”
I totally bypassed the whole surgery conversation.FFS! Hot Doc thought my heroic MGM was old enough to be his father!Jeez!That made me old enough to be his mother!Holy Crap… that makes me a cougar for having gone all girly over him.I just prayed that MGM hadn’t clocked ‘the father’ comment.That would be just too cruel.
“I’ll sort all this out for you and the surgeon will be with you soon.”
Hot Doc left us, cheerfully saying over his shoulder “And I don’t want to see you back here again!”SWIIIIIISSHHHHHIIIING the curtain closed, he disappeared off into the depths of his A&E realm.
MGM and I just looked at each other. I didn’t want to verbalise what I’d heard. I mean… did Hot Doc really just say that? Then through MGM’s semi-conscious haze he suddenly re-appeared and very clearly said, “Did that B*astard just say what I think he said??”
Oh dear. He had clocked the father comment afterall. The reality began to sink in.Yes…we are in our 50’s… we are old enough to be his parents.
Even if we don’t feel our age, we must now look it.
The irony was not lost on us and the whole situation took on the scene of a darkly humorous play.And so we laughed… shook our heads… and laughed some more.I mean, what else can you do? At least it distracted MGM from the pain.
And at least I had normal clothes on and fresh mascara… so it really wasn’t the end of the world. It honestly didn’t matter. Much.
The next few hours became a bit of a blur. Intravenous morphine was finally administered and witnessed by 3 nurses.One of them was a great big, bearded bloke with a sparkle in his eye that belied the authority he held over the others.The morphine was injected slowly to monitor MGM’s reaction… and it was described as an ‘Irish dose’ by the surgeon who became our saviour.
MGM was pretty much unaware of what was happening after that.He got transported up to the ward, put into the glamorous backless gown and had plastic bags put over his feet in order to get the surgical stockings on.Damn they were a tight fit.More bloods.More cuffs.More access points.More whirring activity around us.The anaesthetist came up for a chat.She was charming and reassuring and… looked very young.Yup, I was probably old enough to be her mother too.But this was it.MGM was being taken for emergency surgery.That little f*cker was coming out.They said it would be keyhole.They said it was one of the most common surgeries they perform.They said not to worry.More on that next time.
And so the time had come for me to leave him.Nothing more that I could do.It absolutely broke my heart to leave him.All sorts of ‘worst case’ scenarios raced through my mind.Would I see him again?What if the surgery went wrong… what if, what if, what if.I really had to pull myself back from that edge and get a grip.No good comes from that.We didn’t say ‘goodbye’ we just focused on the fact that Sir Maxelot had been on his own for far too long already.No doubt the alarm on his furry little watch would be going mental and his spindly ex-racer legs would be well and truly crossed by now.
I got home in a daze.And it was no surprise to see Max’s duvet torn up again all over the living room floor.That dog and MGM have a bond that transcends species.So I set about making Max feel better, took him out for a quick walk… and finally collapsed on the sofa.
All I could think of was… “Thank God this didn’t happen in Spain.”
Thank you Universe, for delaying the sale of the flat and keeping us here.
You really do know best.
PS.The next, much, much shorter, instalment will bring MGM’s gallbladder escapades to its conclusion… and see the start of my preparations to fly down to Spain to run my November retreats!
If you’ve read this far, then you deserve this meditation as a gift… it’s me taking you through a visualisation to feel the power of your own aura and white light. It’s to help you feel awesomely fabulous!!
First of all … nope… we haven’t sold THE flat.It’s a subject that instantly raises blood pressure and puffs up the growing bags under our eyes.But we are still breathing and surrendering to this unforeseen flow… and we ARE still going. C’mon Universe!
It was back in June this year that we went on our first exploration into the Orgiva and Lanjaron area of the Alpujarras.We landed in Malaga airport late at night.. .secured our dinky little hire car, which flummoxed me with its push button ignition and everything being back to front… did a U turn where we shouldn’t have… went round a couple of roundabouts a couple of times, christened Google maps as the “Beatch” and eventually found our overnight budget hotel, just a few minutes away.
We awoke fairly refreshed and eager to get on the road.It’s only a 90 minute drive from Malaga and the roads are blissfully smooth compared to Edinburgh.We flew up the motorway (unwittingly gaining a speeding ticket that landed in our post box a month later) but… wow…. the scenery was just stunning.I got goosebumps.
But, here’s something I have never publicly shared before…
Despite my generally wuwu, calm demeanour, I am not your ideal passenger.My Gorgeous Man being the traditional gent that he is, likes to do the driving for his wild woman… and I’m actually very proud to spill the beans that MGM has a racing driver license (albeit lapsed from our days in Hong Kong) and is a bloody good behind the wheel.He’s one of those ‘annoying’ people that can reverse park… perfectly… in one go.But despite all of that… I’m still a nightmare of a backseat driver who puts her foot through the footwell on the imaginary brake and takes sharp intakes of breath at all the near misses… which are nowhere near, near misses.
And in Spain, it was mega magnified.It became very obvious that if MGM and I were going to live happily ever after, then I was going to have to get a grip.
And it all came to a head on certain property hunt.
We met the estate agent by Lanjaron’s town square fountain on a very hot sunny afternoon and he happily suggested he come in our car and direct us to the property.He was a charming, retired ‘old school’ English gent wearing a spotless panama hat and there was no way he would fit into the back seat of our little bubble of a car… so I happily took up that prize spot while he settled into the front.The 1.4L engine roared into average slowness and up the tiny lanes and concrete single tracks we began to crawl.
We were going to see a more remote property in the mountains that was in need of renovation… there was plenty of land for veggies, orchards, dogs… and it was in our price range.Our interest was piqued and we were looking forward to seeing it.It was going to be about a 30 minute drive… and we had been reassured that the private ‘un-concreted steep mountain track’ as its access, wasn’t actually a problem for a normal city car.No Chelsea Tractor or LandRover Defender needed.Yay!
Well, this turned out to be a slight untruth in the hugest, most humungous, frikking proportions.
But the fact that we are still alive to tell the tale, I suppose does give it a grain of truth.
Anyhoo… we wound around the mountains and I took my silent intakes of breath, clutched at the seats and then huddled down to bury my attention into Facebook, as MGM and the agent amiably chatted away.
Finally we turned off the tarmac and onto the dirt track.We were getting close I thought.But I was wrong.MGM had the car in second gear as we bumped, slipped, clunked and prayed our way along this track… which mightn’t have been so bad if there hadn’t been a steep drop-off to one side.One false move… and we’d be playing Alpujarran roly-poly. I found myself getting hot under the collar even though I wasn’t wearing a collar… and even worse than that… my mobile signal weakened to the point of nothingness.Not even inane Facebook scrolling could save me now.Our little hire car was learning a big life lesson of its own limits.I felt totally vulnerable, totally out of control and nasty beads of hot sweat started to trickle down the back of my neck…. and dare I say it, down between my clenched buttocks.
And then it got worse.
We reached the steep bit.My first thought was “FFS… are you f*cking kidding me???”It was steep, very steep… still with the death drop to one side and tyre ripping rock to the other. All of my decorum abandoned me as I stifled the profanities that I wanted to scream out.I could feel MGM immediately tense up and focus… and intensely ignore my expanding, energetic panic within the confines of the car.The agent, amazingly, seemed oblivious as he continued his affable verbal diarrhoea of God knows what.What made it worse was that the dirt track was becoming even more deeply rutted where vehicles had driven back and forth over the years… where seasonal rains had further eroded bits away… where dirt and rocks and shifted and where, if we weren’t careful, our little city car could actually ground itself on the middle.
I wanted out. Let me out… I’m f*cking walking. Let me out now. I can’t do this. LET ME OUT!
Deep panic welled up… and kept welling up.We edged forward in first gear.We skidded.We juddered, We bumped.We scraped and ground against the ground.Tears welled up from my terror and lack of control and I was now sweating like a frikking racehorse.I couldn’t look out the window because as stunning as the view was, it was certain death out there.I couldn’t speak, because I didn’t trust what would come out. There was nothing for it, but to close my eyes and pray my sweaty ass off to the angels, fairies, Ascended Masters, guides, light beings, star beings and any frikking miracle worker that would just help us make it down to the frikking property that I no longer wanted to frikking see.
I knew I had to pull myself together… So I began to do some deep breathing and decided that the best thing I could do was to connect with my gang upstairs and totally zone out of planet earth’s present reality.I knew MGM knew I was struggling… but I also knew that I had to totally leave him alone so he could save us from this track from hell. A major freakout would not be helpful. At all.
By the time we got down to the property, I couldn’t have given a damn if it was our dream come true with original features and fireplaces (my things), swathes of wild meadow flowers (another of my things)… and an outdoor shower (you guessed it, another of my quirkier things) because there was no way I was ever, ever, ever going to come to terms with that track.
I prised my paralysed muscles and body out of the back seat, prayed that my profuse sweating hadn’t soaked through my linen trousers, thanked my team upstairs for our miracle survival and tried to be very spiritual and forgiving towards the agent.I obviously didn’t try hard enough because I found myself asserting that the track was in no way suitable for a small town hire car and he should never have allowed this to happen.MGM magnanimously stepped in, knowing that I was not very successfully masking the depth of my trauma and could potentially and unpleasantly pop.
I very rarely pop… but when I do, it’s not pretty. It’s real… but it’s still not pretty.I heard MGM saying that “I think my wife (I do like it when he calls me his wife, even though we’ve not actually done that deed) has had a sense of humour failure so the house is already a no go.”He did me a great favour… because we all still had to somehow get back up that track together. And alienating the local estate agent wasn’t really going to help us find our new home.
Sadly, the house did have quite a lot of potential and a bizarrely strong phone signal, which is THE top requirement on our list.Damn that track.Damn.And damn the fact that we had to go back up it.
I have no idea how I actually got back in that car because in my mind, I was walking back up. All I can remember was our little bubble car stalling… wheels spinning… a very loud, worrying, grinding crunch from underneath… and the agent bravely telling MGM he was driving too far over to one side… and then offering to get out so the exhaust wasn’t continually dragging against the dirt.It was not a good time.Suffice to say I was just visualising our survival long enough to find the nearest bar.
Our English Gent of an agent never stopped talking and we couldn’t help but like him… but after we finally reunited him with his car… we looked at each other in silent, telepathic, WTF disbelief….and yes, we headed for our newly found favourite pitstop.
It was one of the best ice cold ‘cervejas’ I’ve ever had.And the next one was pretty damn good too.And so was the tapas that just kept on coming.
We had survived.Spain wasn’t so bad after all.
MGM you are my hero.
PS Top Tip for empaths and sensitives who suffer similar ‘passenger aversion symptoms.’ Take a minute to tune in to your aura and how far it extends out from your body… and then consciously pull it right back inside the car and close to your body.I couldn’t believe the difference it made!!YAY!No more ‘crashing or near misses’ at 50ft… my antenna’s reach and spacial awareness had been wound back in!
So here’s where we are at.We’re still in limbo.With very little to report on the exciting “let’s move to Spain and start a new life” front.Very frustrating.Very disappointing.And really making life a little bit difficult too.
When the Universe throws you these curve balls, it’s natural that you start to question your choices.But my mind has long been ruled by my heart.I have absolutely no doubt that moving to Spain is the bestest, rightest, most superduper path for me and MGM (my gorgeous man), but when reality is strangely showing you a No (as in our flat isn’t selling) even though the Universe had given us the wholehearted‘when Harry met Sally YES YES YES’… then you do start to wonder what ace card the Universe has got up its sleeve.
Personally I’m hoping it’s the winning lottery numbers because I sure as hell am not going to spend another winter in Scotland.
Note to self… buy more lottery tickets.
“There has to be a reason that the flat is not getting viewings.”This is what we keep saying.If it’s a Universal, spiritual, destiny, fate and flow thing… then fair enough. We’ll keep bending over backwards and trusting that we won’t break. But if it’s a practical, logical, material thing, then we need to address it… and heal it.
But nobody seems to have an answer.We keep hearing how crazy the Edinburgh property market is… but we’re just not seeing it in ourexclusive little corner of The Shore.My internal radar’sgone fuzzy and I’m feeling no wiser than the UltraSpiritual JP Sears at the moment as to what to do about it… and MGM is seriously being challenged to keep trusting in the wuwu way of life that we leapt into when we left Hong Kong 2 years ago.
We’ve already had to contact our Spanish agent (Thank God for Google translate) to delay our entry into the rental we committed to in June… but my heart is still screaming “GET DOWN THERE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!!”… but we just can’t leave without our flat and financial situation being resolved.Add in to the mix that I’ve already got 2 fully booked Spanish retreats up and running for early November (this was part of the original big Spanish YES flow!)… and the pressure is on.
I must just add… that I’m very, very excited to be running the Spanish ChannellingLove Retreats… they will be the corner stone of our new life in the Alpujarras!
So, we are thinking out of the box…
we’re keeping our options open… long term rental, short term lets, the miracle sale…. and we’re trying not to attach to the ‘how.’We’ve got crystals in the doorway… we’ve had the carpets cleaned… we’ve had a space clearing done… we’ve shifted the furniture around… we’ve posted it on Gumtree and Facebook groups… we’re visualising ourselves up in the Spanish mountains with space to breathe and lots of golden sun to give us happy, mediterranean wrinkles.We’re dreaming of opening our front door in the early hours and just letting Sir Maxelot out for his ‘morning motions’ without having to get dressed, get the lift down 4 floors and take him round the block in the dark with the delights of Scottish horizontal winter rain.And yes, I have done it in my PJs.And I’m proud of it.Max couldn’t give a damn as long as long as there’s no rain and he gets his breakfast on time.He really doesn’t like rain.He’ll love Spain.And hopefully he’ll love the Spanish rescue Galgos girlfriend we want to welcome into our family once we’re settled.
You see… our dream is still alive!
Our new life FEELS great!It will happen.I know it will.It really will.I feel it.The ‘how’ will sort itself out… and in the meantime I’ll have another jumbo bag of Kettle sea salt and balsamic vinegar crisps that I won’t be able to get in Spain.It’s amazing the lies you can tell yourself for a little bit of comfort food.I’ll start the juicing detox tomorrow… again.
So while the limbo is ‘limboing’ and we’re being flexible beyond flexible and staying ‘oh so zen,’ I thought you might enjoy a few photos from our trip out to the Alpujarras in June.It may have been our first time there… but it instantly felt like home… and soon it really will be.
PS.On my next instalment I’ll share the story behind my monumental sense of humour failure while out on a property hunt in the Alpujarras back in June.It’s almost funny when I look back on it… almost.
This week I’m going to wind the clock back a couple of years.Because right now… there’s very little obvious, tangible, outward frikking movement towards us actually getting to Spain!
Yup… we’re in limbo.
But we’re holding the vision… holding our nerve….trusting… handing over to the Universe… having momentary, mini freak outs… cutting energetic wuwu chords… changing names….. releasing the past… meditating… chanting… singing… begging… praying… ignoring… crying…. writing on the vision board… being super duper calm… and super duper positive… detaching… surrendering… we’re carrying on as normal, except it’s anything but normal.Basically, we’re waiting for the flat to sell.This flat is the key to our future… so no pressure there.… no pressure at all.
Back in March this year… when we originally decided to hit the Scottish exit button, we were told our hands would be bitten off by rampant buyers desperate for this gem of a property.It would only be a matter of days till our dream was financially viable and no longer reliant on rainbows, unicorns and pots of gold. But because we allowed our dream to be ‘damp squibbed’… it was June before we picked ourselves up, dusted off the fear and eventually put the flat on the market.
But a lot can change in a couple of months. Like, everyone fecks off on holiday!
So while we wait for the suntans to fade and for peeps to decide that they really do want a new home before Christmas, I’m going to tell you about how 2 years ago,MGM (My Gorgeous Man) and I actually took our first big leap of faith.
I moved out to be with MGM in Hong Kong in 2013… it was the only way for us to be together and we sure as hell weren’t going to let love and life pass us by.We are middle aged, after all.Life out in the Far East was actually pretty amazing.Funded by MGM’s high flying director role in the upper echelons of international corporate kingdoms, it was a world that was completely alien to me and not at all aligned with my heart based lifestyle… but it was also the first time I had ever experienced life without the stress of meeting bills and of finding creative ways to ‘make do’.And in that respect, I really quite liked it.
We were ridiculously happy together in his typical ‘postage stamp of a flat’ up on the 27th floor.It had a great view out towards Hong Kong harbour where you could see the night time light show on the ICC building and there was the partial green of a mountainside to the back. So despite living in a high-rise block of rabbit hutches… squashed in beside more high-rise blocks of more rabbit hutches, my need for open space was somewhat satisfied by just looking out of the windows.And it was MGM’s generosity in supporting me (albeit that it was illegal for me to work there) that he gifted me the space to create the foundations for my wuwu world of Channelling Love.More about the wuwu another day.
But the longer I was there… the more I saw the degree of payoff for the big bucks salary.The sheer hell and stress that MGM shouldered was becoming increasingly unbearable… and detrimental to his health.Fridays became the nights to get completely lashed… and the weekends became a process for recovering… releasing the ‘protective armour’… sleeping off the emotional exhaustion and hangover… and then building up the armour again to go back in on Monday morning for another week of hell.It may have been a materially abundant lifestyle but it was totally mind, body and soul destroying on every level.
The thing is, we both knew we didn’t want to stay there long term.Our life became more and more shallow… our livers more pickled and the novelty less sparkly.And in all honesty…I really struggled with the 90% humidity.One of my lowest points was arriving home with sweat literally pouring down my neck and legs… to then find that I had been walking around with a very obvious great big sweaty wet arse for the whole of HK to see.I cried.I cried a lot.And sweated even more but the air-conditioning was already maxed out so I just carried on sweating.
And so our dream began to take shape.To move to Europe… to live a simpler rural life where we could have outside space, grow veggies, have chickens and dogs…. breathe… and run a few Channelling Love retreats.
So we kept Hong Kong life ticking over.I found a spiritual network and began to make friends, we had holidays and nights out and we moved into auto pilot while we waited for that ‘perfect’ moment to leave.
Then, two years after I joined MGM, we received a HUMDINGER of a shock.MGM’s company was to be restructured.And that meant no more Asia Pacific Director Role.Well, all I can say is that when you plan and dream from your heart… the Universe always answers… just not always as you expect it.
We swung between “YES!” and “Holy F*ck!”
From… “Freeeeeedom!” to “Oh Shit!”
Hong Kong is not a city you can stay in without employment… crazy prices mean you need serious stashes of cash to buy a just pack of veggie sausages.MGM thought about finding another role… the city is full of high rolling opportunities… but the thought of remaining in the ‘treadmill trap’ made us both feel even more ill… but we sooo weren’t prepared for an exit into a whole new life.
It was only a couple of weeks later that the Universe sent us another kick up the butt and made the decision for us.Our landlord served us 2 months notice.FFS!We were like rabbits caught in full beam headlights.With no future income and now no future home… the effort to stay put was just too overwhelming.It was time to take that leap of faith.
We were exiting Hong Kong with no safety net and no Plan B.
At the time MGM was a full on, corporate, logical, strategic planner of life… and very, very good at it. Amazingly good! His gut was weirdly telling him to leave… but his head was freaking out screaming “What the hell are you doing?!!”
My heart knew without a doubt that it was time to go, but even I was reticent to let go of this newly embraced lifestyle and security.
It’s one thing to talk about changing your life… but it’s a whole other thing to actually walk away from everything you have and know, to do it.
But doing it, we were.
It was nothing short of chaos, fear, elation, trust and not really having a clue as to how it would all pan out.
And just in case our flat still hasn’t sold by the time I write our next blog… I’ll save some of those stories for next time.
When do you no longer put up with a mediocre life as ‘all there is’ to look forward to?And when does ‘just treading water’ start to actually feel like you’re going under?
Well, you’ll just know.There will be a horrible, silent scream from inside that says “Get me outta here!” Just like our beloved and desperate Z-list celebrities down in the Ozzie jungle. There’ll be that point of no return and you’ll just know that you caaaaannooot stomach another witchetty grub or kangaroo’s testicle.
This internal call will then filter up to your head and set off a whole shit storm of other alarm bells, flashing lights and sirens as your conditioning, ego, guilt and fear all have a hay-day to try and stop you from clambering out of your box. And it will certainly trigger a whole load of ‘stuff’ within those around you too.
So, when you reach that point of knowing that enough is enough and you’re hanging off the cliff edge of drastic life change, you really do need to be ready to pull on your bestest and strongest, ironclad Big Girl Goddess Pants… right on up to your armpits.
Our moment was actually back in March this year.
We reached our point of no return when the increasing “F*ck this shit” mutterings could no longer be ignored.So we decided to go for it.
We weren’t going to wait for that perfect moment! No!
We’re weren’t going to wait on those elusive winning lottery numbers! No!
We acted on our intuitive knowing and that amazing feeling insideof YES! YES! YES!
Damn we felt great!
A bit scared.. yes…but … we felt SO ALIVE!
There was a whole new life waiting for us!We were leaving the grey skies of Scotland and going to live in the stunning Alpujarras in Spain!Viva Espagna!
So, when we eventually came down off our cloudand the reality sank in that we actually were going to do it, this meant that we then had to broach the subject with our nearest and dearest.
And that didn’t go so well.Nope.That didn’t go well… at all.
It felt like a ‘mahoosive’ water bomb was dropped from on high and our fiery spark of excitement and positivity was quashed into a damp squib of despondency and fear.We allowed ourselves to be pulled under and drowned.I was sick to my stomach and I was terrified that our dream was over.
The move was off.
But this is the reality of what happens when you dare to be different.When you dare to follow your dreams… and you dare to live a life that doesn’t conform to everyone’s expectations of you.
Following your dream takes balls as the world rallies against you…you’re offered well meant, but fear-based, advice on the ‘what if’s’ and ‘hows’…. and let’s not even mention the ‘but what about me’ card. You’re labelled as either selfish, reckless or just downright irresponsible… or … and here’s the funny part… you suddenly become the best friend because you’re moving to a country where seeing the sun is no longer a miracle to be posted on Facebook.
Modern day culture in the Western world has squashed the life out of us.It may have given us the gift of technology and wonderful material comforts, but it has completely and utterly deadened our hearts and souls.We live in a society that mollycoddles, controls, limits, separates and disempowers.We are so numb, dumbed down and disconnected, that we don’t even realize how unhappy, stressed and fearful we actually are.
Quite simply, the tragedy of mankind has become its normality.
But me and my gorgeous man (MGM) really had, had enough.
We have since rallied against the naysayers… stood our ground and taken our lives back.
The move is back on track… well almost.But more of that next week.
In the meantime, I’m off to buy some super strong Spanx.Even a Goddess needs a little bit of extra supernatural support.