FFS Universe… you move us in to our new dream home… let us fall in love with it, settle in and believe we’re starting a positive new Spanish chapter… and then you turf us out just weeks later. Just WTF is going on?
After a really shitty January and February (as shared in my last blog) where I was questioning everything and struggling with my mindset and a deep physical and emotional fatigue… we really thought our new home heralded a brand new beginning on all levels.
We had moved in at the end of February… and within a week I was flying back to Scotland on pure adrenaline to share a mini tour of Channelling Love Circles that had been arranged for quite a while. It was amazing, exhausting and wonderful to share the healing circles.
It was especially wonderful to spend time with my bestie Jenny who nursed me through a migraine, let me snore on her sofa, drove me to and from the Dundee Channelling Circles, cried with me over chick flicks and let me fall in love with Oscar, her new dalmation puppy.
But the truth is that I landed back home in Spain in even more of a heap… and I only had a few days to rest, pull myself together and prepare for hosting March’s Spanish Retreat… which had also been arranged for months.
I really had over scheduled myself and I was struggling physically and emotionally to keep going… but being in the new house, was part of what helped me keep going… and also having my other bestie Jo, staying with us to help with the retreat, was also a massive boost… plus the ever present strength of my MGM. I was one very lucky but very knackered wuwu Goddess.
The retreat was magical… the Star Beings came through as always with their huge force of love, healing and transformation and it was humbling to see the shifts that the women moved through.
The emails I’ve since received from 2 of the women, remind me why I do what I do… and why I keep doing what I do.
Channelling Love, helps heal lives.
But in the back of my mind I kept saying…. “I’ll be able to rest up after the retreat finishes,”…. “I’ll be able to lie on the sofa in that lovely comfy living room… enjoy the gardens… enjoy the views… sit out on the terrace with a cuppa… relax…. recover… focus on me for a bit…. truly land, settle and set down my roots in the cortijo’s lovely energy”
Turned out that I couldn’t and wouldn’t.
In the days that followed the retreat, a whole new level of emotional turmoil unfolded.
We had always known that the dream cortijo we had moved into was for sale. It had been up for sale for at least 7 years and the general consensus was that it wasn’t going to budge. So we felt pretty secure.
The owner was an amazing, retired, English, eccentric soul. She had lived in Spain for many, many years, become a Sufi, brought up her children alone in the Cortijo and she had been one of the first pioneer expats to settle in the area. She lived the high life in her early years, turned her back on it, survived the struggles, faced her demons and moved through the tough times… and now being of the age where mortality looms and a great big property becomes a burden, she was looking to secure her future through selling her land, the cortijo and the small casita she lived in next door. We had became very, very fond of her very quickly.
Her life stories were the stuff that books are made of.
So when there was a flurry of house viewings within our first 2 weeks, we were a bit shocked to say the least.
And on the third week after our arrival, when one of the viewers, charged across the garden to shake our hand while we sat outside with Sir Maxelot … it was like our home had been violated and both My Gorgeous Man and I felt our stomachs drop. This was different. When we later spied her through our kitchen window, throwing her arms around our landlady and squealing with delight… we knew our gorgeous new home had been sold. And we were proved right.
The next day we received the call from Alix, asking to meet for a coffee and to talk about our situation. She brought muffins with her… not a good sign we thought. In all honesty, they were as tough as old boots… just as she had wryly warned us. But not wanting to lose our home we chewed patiently on them with a polite smile. At least she hadn’t baked them.
She will never know how much we wanted to be able to make her a better offer… but as we are still living our life on a wing and a prayer, we could only share our congratulations and hugs for her success and cry silently on the inside for our own loss.
The next day, we signed the legal document serving us 8 weeks notice. We had till 20th May to find a new home.
I decided that I couldn’t keep up the positive and uplifting presence on social media and within my free Facebook group The HEART of HEALING, so I shared a livestream there saying that I needed some space… and then went dark. It was a huge relief to step back.
It turned out that the new owner was on a mission to move and she wanted in by the 2nd April. That gave Alix just over a week to pack up her family home of 30 years and leave. And she agreed to it. It was easier to just get on with it.
She was however, genuinely feeling very uncomfortable about our situation so we asked her if she thought there was a chance that the new owner would like us as tenants in the casita. Alix said there might be. But we received a flat, in person ‘No’ when the new owner unexpectedly turned up on our doorstep the next day… and our hearts sank as the realisation hit that we would be house hunting in the run up to the crazy summer months of very profitable short term holiday lets.
So there I was, struggling through what I thought was exhaustion with the chronic symptoms of adrenal fatigue… and the prospect of now not having any down time but instead having to find the energy to find a new home… AND move again.
To add to the mix, My Gorgeous Man flew off to Hong Kong the next day. Yup, his long planned trip to keep his Hong Kong residency valid couldn’t have come at a worse time. But it couldn’t be avoided either and off he went.
With just me and Sir Maxelot at home, I crashed. I totally crashed. I no longer had to keep going for social media… I no longer had to keep going for MGM… I just had to keep going enough to let Sir Maxelot out for his mooches, feeds, cuddles and more mooches. Turned out I was also crap at lighting the wood burning stove… but very good at lying on the sofa watching multiple episodes of Vera from under a thick blanket. There’s nothing like a bit of light hearted British, crime drama to soothe the soul.
I did however manage to reach out to a couple of agents and ask every frikking person I’d ever come across here, if they knew of anywhere we could rent. But there was nothing. This is a very special area and as such there is a massive influx of people over the summer months coming to enjoy the mountains for their holidays. And that leaves no room for long term rentals.
We were f*cked.
Watch out for Parts 3 & 4 of “What the F*ck just Happened…”
I’ll be sharing them over the next few days. You won’t believe it…
Amazingly through all of this, there was an underlying flow to a new Spanish Retreat coming to life… a fully immersive weekend with me staying onsite with the group in a renovated Cortijo, with morning yoga classes, the lovely Philip Martin from Dundee’s Natural Balance Therapy Centre (see above!) offering holistic therapies, an in-house personal chef AND 2 channellings a day!
Only 3 places remaining for 15th – 18th June 2018!
The Universe moves in mysterious ways… as one door closes… so another opens.
One minute we were flying high on the euphoria of New Year and the next minute it was March andI’d been pulled through a thick, thorny hedge backwards,run over by a multitude of tractors… done at least 10 rounds with Mike Tyson and hit the proverbial brick wall.That’s the truth.That’s how Spring landed with me in Spain.
So what happened?The answer is simple.I was surviving the shifts of my own exhaustion and self sabotage.
It was somewhere towards the middle of January when I realised that I was actually very, very tired and not actually doing that well.I LOVE my work as a channel and healerAnd I LOVE living in Spain.But in the spirit of Namaste This sharing only the ‘real deal’… the pressure of being a self employed one woman show and moving into a new life, in a new country and settling into the powerful energy of this land, had taken its toll.
By me baring my soul to you today, I guess I’m burning away the illusions that so many people have around what real life and ‘success’ as a light leader actually looks like… just as the Star Beings burn away the illusions that we live within which keep us out of our hearts, power and truth.
The biggest challenge over the last couple of months has actually been my own mindset… and I’ll be the first one to raise my hand and admit it.
The thing with being self employed with no back up plan, is that it’s all down to you.And being self employed with a wuwu gift that isn’t necessarily on ‘Joe Bloggs’ list of life’s essentials… makes it even harder.Generally people will choose their nights out on the town, Starbucks and new shoes, over their own emotional and spiritual well being.
So you have to work all the harder to be visible… to share your wares… to show up so people can connect with you and hear your message…
and consistently radiate your message…
and consistently radiate your message…
and consistently radiate your message…
and consistently radiate your message…
and learn about funnels…
learn the tech of funnels….
build a frikking funnel…
and consistently radiate your message…
and learn about social media and the ever changing challenge of Facebook algorithms…
and consistently radiate your message…
and create attractive ways for people to enjoy your ‘way out there’ and seemingly impossible healing to prove that you’re not making it all up and that they would really benefit from receiving it. And then keep on showing up…
and showing up…
and showing up…
and showing up…
even when you feel you can’t show up anymore and have no more ideas on how to even show up anymore…
and then show up again.
My Gorgeous Man has always said that ‘Being Different & Doing it Differently’ was never going to be easy… because what I do, isn’t being ‘done’ anywhere else or by anyone else.So effectively, I feel like I’ve been knocking on doors and cold selling myself and the Star Beings to the world, non stop for the last 3 years… and on top of that, actually doing all the deep channelling work for the beautiful souls who have discovered the power and benefits of Channelling Love.
The ironic thing is that in December I shared an in-person channelling for 2 amazing souls who are world famous channels themselves and after they had immersed in the vibrational presence of the Star Beings they said that I was one the most genuine and powerful channels they’d ever met and experienced.Pia received an instantaneous healing on her damaged wrist and Cullen’s trusted pocket watch stopped at the time the Star Beings came through.
It’s truly amazing to receive the feedback and to be a unique channel… but it’s everything else around my innate gift, that has been such a drain and challenge.
It’s all taken a MAHOOOSIVE amount of energy, trust, will power, determination, downright stubbornness and an inexplicable belief in the Star Beings… along with a weird sense of not actually knowing how to give up… even through all my rallying, and self indulgent tears.
The Star Beings never give up though… they always show up.They chose me all those years ago.I didn’t go looking for them…I didn’t really even know what channelling was until I went to live in Brazil and ironically ended up as a psychic healer in a channelling circle.I didn’t go on a course to learn how to do this… and I still don’t ‘know’ how I actually do it.
But I do know why.
It’s to bring a higher vibration and multi-dimensional healing and awakening to all the souls who want to shift the shit out of their 3D life.It’s my purpose.
But over the past couple of months… I have to admit that I’ve ‘given up’ every frikking day.I’ve sobbed, hiccuped, stifled more sobs, taken deep breaths and sobbed some more… and said I can’t go on.I’ve rallied against the injustices of trying to make a basic living doing something I love, while corporate crooks swim in their pools of cash.I’ve rallied against all the fluffy, superficial, spiritual flakes that seem to be able to bring in the bucks and pay their bills… while I’ve not managed to make ends meet.I’ve felt sick at the thought of livestreaming.I’ve dreaded going onto Facebook to remain positive and uplifting, while being faced with everyone else who is apparently ‘making it’… when all I’ve wanted to do is just crawl into a quiet corner and lick my self pitying wounds.I’ve wished I’d never stopped serving chicken and beef at 29,000 ft.I’ve wished My Gorgeous Man’s international company hadn’t restructured and made his role redundant.Oh how I’ve wished so many times that I could just give up.
But without fail… every single time I’ve Given Up in my head… there’s still been a whiff of a hopeful flicker in my heart and in swoops the Universe dangling another carrot in front of me.It may have been as little as someone Liking or Loving a post on my Facebook business page… or messaging me to say thank you… but these seemingly little things are worth more than gold bullion and a secret stash of Bitcoins to me… because it’s the proof that I am actually making a difference to people’s lives after all.The message is getting through.
Now don’t get me wrong… living in Spain, while diving into the depths of self sabotage and lack, has been an absolute life saver.Seeing the sun shining out of a clear blue sky… looking out over stunning mountain views… finding a great yoga class… meeting new friends and detaching from conditioned and controlled living.All of this and more, has absolutely supported me in keeping on keeping on.
And I am doubly blessed, as I have the awesomeness of My Gorgeous Man and our beloved Sir Maxelot.They have, without a doubt, saved my sanity… and in reality it’s probably pushed theirs to the edge.MGM seriously deserves worldwide acclaim and recognition for his huge bear hugs, his belief in me, his patience, his gorgeous hunky broad shoulders, his gift in building roaring fires on cold nights, his unending patience with my ability to create a tech disaster from simply pressing one single key on my laptop, his generosity in taking care of the mundane and in staying strong when my Big Brave Goddess Pants just fell right down round my ankles.
When we drove from Scotland to our new home in Spain at the end of November 2017, we started out in an outwardly cute little holiday cortijo… with a secure garden for our unsociable rescue greyhound.It was owned by an open hearted landlady who brought us her homegrown fruit and homemade jams and we had that stunning view of the mountain.But as the weeks rolled on, the cracks appeared as we continued to live out of suitcases… had to create a one way system around the tiny living area…were seriously challenged with the random electricity black outs if we used 2 rings on the cooker and dared to have a light on in the living room… the occasional ‘Sh*t!There’s no water!’ shut offs… a chimney that smoked us out when the wind got up (it gets very windy up here in the mountains!)… and an internet connection that simply didn’t support working on line.
The pressure just built up and up. My channellings had to be done in one spot in the garden where my mobile could generally hold a strong enough signal for livestreams… and I found it increasingly hard to fully detach because my ego- mind would torment me from the sidelines whispering… “Open your eyes and check the connection!”I had to create my ‘sacred office’ space, with my tripod, phone, laptop, candle,Palo Santo Holy wood… blankets, hot water bottles, fairy lights, cup of tea and toast, water, music, headphones… in fact my whole ‘Goddess Cave” set up had to be built every time.And I had to pray that the neighbour’s noisy dog wouldn’t bark… the landlord’s husband wouldn’t rev up his super loud chainsaw… or the other neighbour wouldn’t leave his car engine running.
But not once have the Star Beings let me down.Every time I wobbled… they’ve come through stronger and more definitively than before… and reminded me of my LOVE of what I do… and also of the incredible healing that comes through them for others.
Looking back on it… I can almost laugh, because it doesn’t sound that bad… and the garden office was rather pretty… but everything just felt a massive pressure all round.
But the Universe had a plan.And it was a plan that would scream YES to our hearts and freak the heck out of our heads… again.
We were told we would have to leave our Cortijo at the end of March.
Now this filled us with both relief at the thought of a new home and yet the dread of trying to find a long term rental in an area that is generally geared towards expensive short term summer lets.
Long story short.The Universe brought us a fabulous home through synchronistic meetings and new found friends.We originally discounted it, as it was beyond the Star Being’s present income, yet we were weirdly compelled to go and see it anyway, making the excuse that it would be good to see how much more of a house you got for your hard earned bucks.
Well, another long story short… our hearts were ‘sold’ at the garden gate and our minds were made up one step in through the front door.Without the other knowing, we had both silently resolved to somehow make it work.It was a mutual F*ck It moment and another leap of faith.
We both believed and trusted that it was meant to be and so…. we signed the lease.
And on Sunday 25th February 2018, we moved in… and we truly feel as if we’ve come home.We have finally landed and we have… wait for it…. unpacked.And I have an office space again! YAY!
Admittedly, we crashed emotionally and felt wiped out… but oh so warm and fuzzy on the inside.We started to release the stress we’d been holding… and we allowed ourselves to admit that our first couple of months in Spain had been a bit of a ride to say the least.
We kept looking at each other saying “I can’t believe we’re here!” and
“I love this house!”
“OMG… we’ve done it!We’ve frikking done it!”
Moving into our new home, has also started to shift a lot of the ‘shite’ I have been drowning myself in.Moving house isn’t just about packing up and then unpacking somewhere else… it’s a hugely underestimated energetic and emotional shift.I even shared a livestream on how to ground your energy… which was inspired by our own need to land and ground our presence into our new home.
I’m now able to see the good stuff over the challenges… I have space to relax… I can work properly again and get back to sharing Channelling Love Webinars… and I have so many ideas for my YouTube channel now that we have a real, grown up internet connection again.My Gorgeous Man is no longer dodging the random bullets fired out from emotional meltdowns.He can finally take his flack jacket off.
So as I write this… I’m actually in a coveted aisle seat on a Ryanair flight after returning to Scotland for a whirlwind week of Channelling Love Circles and family visits.It broke my heart to leave our new home so soon after moving in… but my God my heart is bursting as every minute flies me closer to being reunited with MGM, our grumpy dog… and our new home.
This is where our new life really feels like it’s beginning. And I am publicly declaring to myself and all who read my blog… that my self sabotaging patterns of lack are being laid to rest.I am going to walk my talk and do the inner work needed so that our little family can thrive in this beautiful world… thrive in our new home… thrive in joy and abundance… and thrive in peace.No longer will I be controlled by the programming and conditioning born of lack and fear.
Join me next time as I share the real deal stories from behind the scenes of my channelling week in Scotland… and the latest from our new home… and my exciting expansion into creating bespoke Spanish Retreats for coaches, light leaders, healers and heart-led tribes.
PS. Join my HEART of HEALING Facebook group and enjoy the grounding healing I shared after we moved into our new home!
Is it inappropriate to write my first blog of 2018 under the influence of a cheap bottle of Spanish Cava?Some may take a sharp intake of breath and judge me… but I hope some of you will just laugh and say… “Way to go Sally” and join me on the journey of living life from the heart and being totally in my truth.
Today is the 1st of January 2108… and I’m filled with an overwhelming sense of well being (suitably enhanced by bubbles of course) but backed up by a deep sense of knowing that despite the crazy ride of our first 4 weeks in Spain… we absolutely have done the right thing… and that everything is going to be ok.
We are now meeting our living expenses… we can feel the warm sunshine on our faces… we can breathe in the fresh air… we can eat organic local produce… we can be in awe of the ever changing view of the mountains…. we can freeze our asses off at night but know that it’s only for a couple of months over winter… we can look up at the incredible beauty of the bright stars in the night sky with no light pollution… and we can perfect the art of patience while buffering on a VERY slow wifi internet connection.And I mean… torturously
S L O W.
But what does this new life in Spain actually look like?
Well… My Gorgeous Man is now lovingly nicknamed“UgMan”… because MGM is chief wood gatherer, water collector and fire builder.And he’s very, very good at it.If ever you need your fire lit, so to speak, then he’s the real deal.We have roaring warmth, romantic atmospheres and lots of flexing muscles as the wood is gathered by the wheelbarrow load from Paco’s down the road.
We also collect and bottle natural mineral water from the local Lanjarón mountain springs… and our life is no longer regulated by a central heating thermostat or a water filter jug to try and save us from the perils of fluoride.
And we love it.
Seriously… life has totally transformed and we already know we can never go back into the fray of modern, city life.
I have to admit that I love accompanying MGM to go buy our wood.The views are stunning and it’s natural eco-living for beginners.There’s a mahoosive pile of logs… and Paco and MGM just fill up the boot of our ever reliable but totally ‘spot the newbie in town’ UK plated estate car and hey presto, you have heating for the next week or so.
Paco doesn’t speak English… but there is an unspoken camaraderie through smiles and mutually convenient transactions… and there’s always Google translate for when Spanglish mixed with my Portuguese fails!
I also love going to collect our drinking water, which comes straight off the mountain. Lanjarón (the next village along) is renowned for the healing properties of it’s local springs and throughout the village there are different fountains to choose from.
Some of the springs say ‘Aqua Potable’… and these are the ones to avoid as the water has been treated.But all the others are pure, natural mineral water.If you’re brave enough to brave the single dirt track to get up to the back of Lanjarón there’s an especially famous spring, which is where the water for my Spanish Retreats is collected from.This water is specifically good for kidney function.It also tends have a bit of a queue.But we love the taste and ease of the spring just as you enter Lanjarón from the Orgiva side, that’s got easy parking… no queues… and a rather quaint bar nearby… with more stunning views, beer on tap… and tapas.Multi tasking is key, don’t you know.
But let’s step out of the eco-romance of our new life in Spain, and keep it real.
WE ALSO NEEDED SMOKE HOODS!
We sooo needed smoke hoods for when the mountain winds got up and our homely, romantic fire became a downright health hazard…. because instead of all the smoke going up the chimney, it blew straight out into our small living area. It was WAY worse than going through the smoke chamber during my Hot Hostie days of annual airline safety checks… because this was real smoke… and there was no escape. But least there wasn’t a toilet fire drill to complete. There’s always an upside. And we have Cava in the fridge too.
We had nights where we were literally smoked out.We tried to ignore it for a while… we tried to laugh it off… and we even tried to pretend it wasn’thappening. We kept going out into the garden for gulps of fresh air… we opened windows to create a through breeze that just ended up bringing what smoke had gone up the chimney, out round the house and back in again through the window… but the reality was, no matter how cold it was… having the fire burning, just wasn’t worth it.
So there were a good few nights in December where we’ve had to go without the warmth of a fire, and instead wrap ourselves up in thick blankets and fill up our hot water bottles.
We then admitted defeat and went in search of a portable gas heater.
Now, you would think that buying a portable gas heater would be easy.Simples.Go to shop.Point at heater.Get credit card out.Buy.
Can you hear me laughing??! Ooooh no!Not so easy!
We sourced one at a local hardware store in Orgiva.We Pointed.Went to the cash register… and then found the rubber tubing, tube clips and gas regulator added into the bill.Didn’t expect that… but essential all the same!When I asked via Google Translate about where to buy the actual gas bottle…. the woman happily went into a stream of fast Spanish and all I picked up was “BP garage.”
Thinking we had it sussed, I nodded and smiled and as MGM and I were gathering up our new heating system to take out to the car… a great big booming, very English voice appeared from behind us.
“Did you understand that?”
“Er, yes I think so!We can get the gas bottles at the BP garage.”
“Well, you can get the bottles refilled at the garage but you have to rent and draw up a contract with the Gas Bottle Man to get the bottles in the first place.”
“Ah.Ok.Totally didn’t understand that then!Thank you!”There are advantages to living in an area with expats also striving to live the dream.
So it turned out that you have to find the infamous Gas Bottle Man and his lorry, which is generally found around somewhere at sometime.He draws up a contract with you to lease his gas bottles, which you can then exchange back with him for full ones… or go to the BP garage.
Except nobody knew where the Gas Bottle Man was right then.But he would be around near the hardware store the next morning at about 10am…ish.Well, we didn’t want to wait… it was cold at night and we had a new gas heater that needed christening.
So we drove up to the BP garage on the other side of town (all 5 minutes away) and tried to blag it.We asked to buy a gas bottle.Except they wouldn’t sell us one, because we didn’t have one.But… it turned out that they had the mobile number of the Gas Bottle Man… so our friendly BP man phoned him to find out where he was… and then tried to tell us in Spanish.
And I soooooo didn’t understand.I felt such a numpty as I just couldn’t catch what he was saying.Only one word stuck out…. hospital.The rest was a blur but at least we had a starting point… and off we went with huge smiles of gratitude and waves of ‘Thank God, we’re getting somewhere.’
And Hey Presto…. we found the Gas Bottle Man… or I should say, we found his lorry parked up behind the 24 hour emergency health clinic.He appeared after a few very long minutes of us loitering awkwardly on the street… and then more fun began.
Talk about feeling like a fish out of water.He wanted our address so that he could draw up a contract, so that he could lease us 2 gas bottles.
My spookywuwu senses knew he was internally saying “Oh My God… save me from these gringos…”
When we showed him our rental address (which luckily MGM had on his phone)… it didn’t have a house number.Our address is basically… “One of Rosa’s rental houses, at the back of Orgiva.” And neither of us have a Spanish NIE number yet… we looked like two, very dodgy gringos taking the piss.
It was stalemate.
We laughed, smiled… tried google translate to say that we’ll be staying in the area longterm and that we were actually very nice people indeed… and that he could trust us… grovel, grovel, grovel… in Spanglish. But, without that numbered address or NIE… it was still a deffo No-No.
We had a nice new heater but… nothing to heat it with.
Then something shifted… and all of a sudden he sold us two gas bottles instead of leasing them. And gave us a lesson filled with wry laughter and wide smiles in how to attach the regulator and make all the working components actually work.Thank you Gas Bottle Angels!
We now had heating! YAY!
We got home feeling very pleased with ourselves. And then our egos were very quickly put to rest when it took no less than 5frikkinghundred attempts at sparking the lighter… with the air turning putrid blue from all the swearing… to actually get it going.
But OMG… it was so worth it. We had heating without acrid, eye stinging smoke!
It’s the basics and small stuff that really make all the difference.
Now, one of the other major challenges we’ve faced is our piss poor internet connectivity.God dammit, I really miss our superduper fast, hyper-optic broadband!This was THE major concern about moving down here… but ever ahead of the human game, the Universe has already started sorting that out… because we’ve unexpectedly been served notice and now have to leave our new found home by 27th March…
Instead of freaking out… we’re taking it as a mahoosive blessing and a means to find that perfect home where we can get a really strong phone signal… and I can continue to share my Channelling Love work without stressing about livestreams conking out…. or needing the patience of an incredibly saintly angel for uploading videos et all.
Mind you… a powerful, angel was right by my side on the day that I was being interviewed by Fi Munro of Light, Love and Mermaid Tails. Fi is an inspirational woman, she won Health Blogger of the year 2017 and is a stage 4 ovarian cancer warrior bringing forward her own unique, positive, all encompassing approach to her journey with cancer. She’s amazing… and you can watch the full interview below!
So… despite knowing that it is notoriously difficult to find longterm affordable rentals with summer approaching… we are not falling into the black hole of…. “Oh my God, we’re homeless again.”
Because, like I said at the beginning… I know all will be well. The Universe has got our backs.
And a bottle of Cava is only €2.69 on offer.
On my next instalment of Namaste This, I’ll be sharing the story of a wild boar crossing, getting lost in torrential rain in the middle of the night on the way back from Malaga airport… and Sir Maxelot’s unfortunate emergency visit to the Spanish vets and subsequent synchronicity of meeting an animal healer.
Or…I could just open another bottle of bubbles and see which of the many stories from the past few weeks wants to come out first!There’s a lot of them!
Wishing you all a very Happy New Year and may 2018 be the year that YOU follow your heart to make your dreams come true.
PS. Go grab a cuppa or a bottle (!) and enjoy the interview with Fi Munro as I share my journey into Channelling Love!
As I write this… I am living proof that we arrived, amazingly in one piece, at our new home in Spain.My silence here over the past couple of weeks is because we promptly slept and drank and ate and slept some more.Not even my laptop had the usual pull of a heroin fix… not that I know what a heroin fix feels like… but you get my drift.We were absolutely frazzled, fried and wiped out emotionally, mentally and physically.
But here’s what happened before we landed.
We’d left the sanctuary of our friends in Mid-Pyrenean France with heavy hearts.There was a part of me in denial, which believed we’d be arriving in Spain that afternoon… but the reality was, Orgiva was another 2 days drive away.A time travel, ‘Dr Who tardis type machine thing’ would have been very, very welcome that morning.
But driving was the only option… so drive we did.
I’ve shared enough driving stories over my last few posts and to be honest, there were no real dramas on these last two sectors. Thank God.
So this is what the Spanish border looked like as we drove across the line …. and here’s how shattered and knackered we were by the time we reached our overnight pitstop near Valencia.
We’d been on the road for almost 8 hours and I was crabby beyond crabby… My Gorgeous Man had totally glazed over with motorway tunnel vision… and we had a very fed-up and knackered dog in the boot.
There was only one choice… a great big, motorway service station creative crisp picnic in our budget Ibis bunk beds.
Max took up most of the floor… because the room really was that small.MGM took the double bed… because Sir Maxelot would no doubt try to get in beside him later in the night… and MGM is his favourite.And I had the bliss of the top bunk all to myself.OMG… it was so comfy!
It was most definitely time for a great big, comfort eating pig out and some much needed uplifting, healing, Strictly Come Dancing on i-player.We could almost have still been in Edinburgh… not.
None of us slept that well… the room was a boiling hot, stuffy sauna and there was an annoying security bolt to prevent the window from properly opening… it drives me mad that we’re not credited with the responsibility of opening a window these days… but we did feel a whole lot better than we had the night before.
Better enough to even pull some Fairy cards before setting off on our last day on the road.
A card for Max… a card for MGM… and a card for Me!
Max – Miracle Healing
He’d made friends with another non-greyhound dog!Bliddy miracle!
MGM – Laughter
After a dismal couple of years in Scotland where not even funny jokes were funny… a life filled with more fun, joy and laughter was awaiting in Spain!
So with the fairies at our back we all dragged our weary asses back into the car.
Only 5 hours to go!
And boy… did those 5 hours…… DR AA AA G.
Not much to share on that front either!
But after about 4 hours, as we arrived on the edge of the Sierra Nevada, my dream of living up in snow capped mountains suddenly became a real, reality.
My heart soared as the views unfolded before us. I got butterflies in my stomach… and… OMG… we really were moving to the Alpujarras!
It was stunning to see the mountains… with their sprinkling of snow and their immense size and ancient earth wisdom, looming ever closer towards us.
We had a quick pee pitstop for Max and I followed the urge to get on Livestream… and found myself going all ‘gushy & gratitudey’ …I mean… We Were Almost There!
Sir Maxelot had had enough though and he upstaged my gushing with his grumps…. but WE WERE ALMOST THERE!
Then we arrived on the outskirts of Granada…. (we passed a great big shopping centre and made mental notes to explore it in the months to come!)… not too long after that, we drove through the village of Lanjaron where My Gorgeous Man and I had stayed in June and this whole new life had been born… then 9.3km further down the stunning windy mountain road we arrived in Orgiva… over the narrow bridge… stopped at the traffic lights… went up past the church… onto the cobbled road into the town square… past Rogelio’s (the agent who found us our new home)… and past the bakery with the frozen lattes to die for… past Baraka with the hummus and carrot cake to die for…. turning off onto a single concrete track out the other side of town… we crawled past the dead end sign and around the blind corner… past the gated house with 6 dogs peering out at the strange foreign car with a box on the roof and a strange, leggy creature in the boot… past the terraces of olives trees looking out onto the mountain opposite…and finally… we pulled up at our entrance gate.
I jumped out to slide back the entrance gate to the group of private, secluded cortijos… past more orange trees… past more olive trees… past yet more orange trees and around a couple of very tight bends and up steep inclines…. and we finally pulled up and parked in front of our new home.
WE HAD ARRIVED!!!
It was all a bit surreal…. and I felt like everything moved into slow motion.
Our dear friend Jo was waiting for us and she appeared like an angel out of the front door all radiant and smiling… and welcoming us home with open arms and a wonderful hand made, heart shaped sign on the door!
And after lots and lots of hugs all round… it was definitely bubbles o’clock.
After a week’s worth of travelling, miracles, grumps, bumps, trust and everything else we’d been through in the run up to our new life in Spain…we had finally made it.
In a weird way… I could hardly believe it.
It didn’t seem real… and then in the same moment, massive waves of
OH MY GOD….WE HAD DONE IT!
WE HAD MOVED TO SPAIN!
OMG… We really HAD done it!!
Another bottle of bubbles was very quickly guzzled… sun drenched photos were taken under the olive and orange trees in our garden… and Sir Maxelot settled right into his new domain as if he’d never lived anywhere else.
Shellshocked and more than a little bit pished because the booze went straight to our frazzled heads, we collapsed onto the sofa and let the reality sink in.
Well done my handsome MGM.
You drove your family all 1800 miles to a whole new life in Southern Spain.Well done Sir Maxelot for trusting us and coping so well with the journey.And well done me… for… never giving up on the dream… and making us all move in the first place!
Over my next instalments I will be sharing the realities of our first few weeks in The Alpujarras… which involved MGM having to return to Scotland for family reasons… learning that windy days actually mean donning a smoke hood… learning where the strongest phone signal is in the garden… channelling challenges… a wild boar crossing… an emergency run to a vet in Spanglish… new found soul friends… wood and water runs… adjusting to mountain energies… being told that we’d have to move out of our new home by the end of March (yup)…. and most definitely accepting the fact that I needed more sleeeeeeeeep.
There’s never a dull moment when you follow your heart…
Did you know that gratitude is one of the quickest ways to turn your life around?Being consciously grateful for what you already have in your life, shifts your energy out of lack and into abundance… which makes it a whole lot easier for the Universe to bring you the good stuff.
Try this exercise…
When you wake up… immediately write or say 5 things that you’re grateful for.It can be as simple as the bed you’re in… the job you have… the breakfast that awaits… your friends etc
If you’re finding life a struggle… this may feel this is really difficult to start with… but the more you do it, the easier it becomes… the more you shift your energy… the more you realise you are blessed… and so the better life becomes… and the more the Universe confirms this by bringing more good stuff.
It’s a bit like dominoes… start the flow and it’ll pick up pace!
Don’t give up if you don’t feel like Wonder Woman or Super Man by day 2… keep going… really feel the emotion of what you’re grateful for… and keep going!You’ll soon have a massive list of gratitude rather than just five forced starting points… and you’ll be feeling a whole lot better about yourself and your life!
And here’s my gushy gratitude as we approached THE ARRIVAL at our new home.
You never know what’s round the corner… literally. As I signed off on the last post… the sun was setting over the rolling hills of the Mid Pyrenees and we had about an hour of driving left to arrive with our friends near Brassac.
So what could possibly go wrong??
I put my laptop away as My Gorgeous Man turned off the motorway and started out on the country roads.It was slow going after having been whizzing along at an illegal rate of knots with a couple of speed cameras flashing their disapproval at us.
My inner rebel had secretly loved it.
It soon became very obvious that our headlights were hugely… not very bright at all.We’d been very good European citizens and applied the very sticky headlamp stickers to our headlights so that our Right Hand drive car, now in a Left Hand drive country, didn’t blind any on-comers… but jeez… something else must have been up because we could hardly see a frikking thing.
Putting the lights on full beam we crawled along the country roads, peering over the dashboard as if those extra centimetres would help… and we became more and more frustrated with the Google Be-atch who kept taking us past signs for Lauzerte… the first one said 10km…. then after 15 minutes… 9km… and then we had a full on WTF moment when the last sign we passed said 11km.
If felt like we were going round in circles and we were rapidly losing our sense of humour.It was made all the more frustrating because having spent a good few weeks with our friends a couple of years ago after we Left Hong Kong… we would actually have known where we were if we could just have seen where the heck we were going.
Something had slammed into my side of the car… but all I’d seen was a fleeting shadow out the corner of my eye.
My Gorgeous Man and I were mortified and terrified into stunned silence
MGM… said “It’s ok… it’s got up and run off the road”….
I felt sick to my stomach and my heart began to break for whatever poor animal had somehow found the side of our car.We hadn’t run it over, it had literally run out from the surrounding black and ‘bounced’ off the side.Thank God we’d been going so slowly.
We’ve no idea whether it was a dog, fox or maybe even a small deer… but the impact was enough to make us stop… take a deep breath… and check out the car.And try not to cry.Whatever it was, had already disappeared back into the pitch black of the French countryside.
I didn’t actually care two hoots about the car… as all I’d felt was the full shock and impact through my body.How on earthcould it survive… and if it had got up and run off, surely it would be severely stunned, have internal bleeding, concussion and who knows what else.My eyes filled with tears and my stomach churned.I am a huge animal lover and abhor the pain, cruelty and suffering that comes at the hand of man… and yet, this was exactly what we had caused… albeit inadvertently.
MGM cautiously got out of the car to come round my side and see if there was any evidence of the impact. Thankfully there was no blood.But there was a big dent in the wing…. and when I tried to open my door… it was jammed.The dent was stopping the door from opening.
Shit… that was a big impact. We were both shaky and very upset… but probably nothing compared to what that poor animal was feeling.
All I could do was send Reiki.I didn’t want to feel into how the poor creature was… but I begged the angels to take care of it and if it was its time to pass, then please make it peaceful, quick and as pain free as possible… and surround it with comfort and LOVE.
My Gorgeous Man and I were so upset….
We started back driving in silence and crawled through the dark, having to fully handover trust to the Google Be-atch, to lead us to our friend’s home.But the joy and excitement had been somewhat thwarted.
About a half hour later we came to the turn off and crawled even more slowly down the track to their gorgeous barn conversion. We literally could have walked faster.
And what a lovely welcome we received!
We were instantly uplifted and ….Damn it was great to see them again!Huge hugs all round and massive glasses of wine were thrust into our hands as we all collapsed onto our respective sofas… with our respective dogs.
Now, admittedly there was a fair bit of tension in the air because of Sir Maxelot’s unpredictable and reactive history around other dogs… and sitting not far away from him was the massive gorgeousness of Tanzi, their 7 month old Ridgeback puppy… who was already almost the same size as Max.And she was absolutely desperate to meet him.
With Max’s history of lashing out… we had to keep him on his muzzle and lead. And as Sir Maxelot totally and obviously tried to blank Tanzi… and Tanzi pulled and whined and showed no signs of settling until she got to see her new ‘friend,’ we all tried to carry on our excited catch up conversations.
The wine helped hugely.
Dinner was soon ready and we thought it would be better to give Sir Maxelot some space and peace in our room with his own familiar bed and blankets while we all ate… and Tanzi could roam her home again.
About an hour later Scott went down to check on Max.
And it was a sorry sight that greeted him. Our beloved Sir Maxelot had freaked out and destroyed about a third of his new memory foam bed… and it looked like he’d also peed on his blankets.
Our hearts went out to him.
We realised that he’d probably felt as if he was being abandoned again… and we felt sh*te.His history as a rescued ex-racer with several unsuccessful attempts at re-homing, remained deep in his psyche and heart.He’s such a sensitive soul.So, seeing as we were so knackered and spaced out from the drive and dramas… we called it an early night and went to join Sir Maxelot and reassure him with all our hearts.
Max slept great that night.On our bed.He did a doggie starfish and stretched out his long, spindlylegs… while MGM and I clung onto the opposite edges of the bed and tried to sleep.Having your dog on your bed leaves no room for romance in your relationship… but at that point we didn’t care.Our little family was together… and we were half way to our new life in Spain.
The next morning we were very tired and achy from our contorted sleeping positions around Sir Maxelot… and we were admittedly anxious over how we were going to manage ‘the dog’ situation.
But… it turned out the Universe had it all figured out.
Long story short… we witnessed a miracle healing.
After an intense, nerve wracking up close meeting of much barking and canine behavioural boundary setting… Sir Maxelot and Tanzi settled into companionship.
We couldn’t believe our eyes.
Tanzi followed Max around besottedly asking him to play… and Sir Maxelot, totally tolerated her.So much so, off came his muzzle.We were soooo happy, delighted, relieved.It’s pretty stressful to have a reactive dog, as you are continually on high alert for potential encounters… even though you know the best way to help them is to drop your own fear and radiate calm, confidence and security.
But it was pure heaven for us to just him let go and witness a happy, muzzle free Sir Maxelot make himself quite at home. And he scored a huge amount of extra delicious treats… and Tanzi’s leftovers.Way to go Max!
What a gift.A lot of the healing shift was down to our dear friends and their wonderful energy, trust and dog savvy experience.
THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!
But as the saying goes, all good things come to an end, and after a couple of days of relaxed fun, peace, laughter and far too much wine… it was time to hit the road again.
My Gorgeous Man and My Friend’s Gorgeous Man had managed to un-dent the car wing so that the passenger door opened again… and new headlight lamps had been fitted at the local garage in the neighbouring village.It had been boy bonding time at its best while us girls guzzled more wine and reminisced over our days flying the skies with BA.With over 20 years of friendship we’d shared a ‘whole lotta life’s laughter, tears, challenges and crazy happy times.
So, from dog healing miracles and friends reunited… España was still calling… and our new life was waiting on the other side of another 2 days driving.
There are gifts in every moment of this crazy life upon earth… and miracles are very much a part of it.
In my next post… we finally arrive at our new home!
Do you believe in miracles?
If not… then prepare to change your mind!
This is the story of Linda Pollock’s instantaneous healing from just one session of Channelling Love combined with Bio-energy healing. Linda asked myself and Jo Beth Young for help when she was mysteriously struck down with 17 severe neurological stroke like symptoms, with a very poor prognosis for recovery.
Grab a cuppa and meet Linda as we chat about her miracle healing and how it has totally transformed her life.
If you’d like to know more about working with myself and Jo Beth Young for one-off healing sessions or personal transformational programmes… click here… or post a reply below… or just email me!
D-Day – Otherwise Known as Tuesday 21st November 2017
It was never going to be a conventional departure.As in get up, get dressed and just go.That would have been far too normal.
We’d known for the past couple of months that My Gorgeous Man’s mother needed to attend a dermatological appointment with her consultant (nothing life threatening) on the morning of the Tuesday 21st November… so we’d always geared our departure around being able to take her to that. She’s in the early stages of dementia and what might seem like a simple appointment to Joe Bloggs brings on huge proportions of anxiety and confusion.We knew what to expect, and it was important that she knew that we were there for her.
We were also having to factor in that our friends in France who we were pit stopping with, were going away on 25th and not having seen them since their wedding a couple of years ago… we wanted at least a couple of wild nights with them. And we absolutely HAD to be back in Spain by Sunday 26th as our rent is due to be paid on the morning of the 27th in the agency office. So all in all, it was a bit of a logistical, organising dream come true for MGM.
So, on the morning of Tuesday 21st November, we were up at 6am (but again, awake long before that) to totally empty our flat, do a last hoover round and dispose of Sir Maxelot’s ripped up and destuffed duvets that definitely weren’t coming with us.And of course, pack the last remaining bags into the car… which had mysteriously multiplied into making it very full car indeed.
We said a final thank you to the flat that had become our haven during our unplanned 2 year stay in Scotland, and pulled the door closed on that chapter of our lives.
This was it!
We were off to a new life in Spain… or more immediately… off to MGM’s mother in Musselburgh.
What we didn’t anticipate was a drama and confusion over the central heating when we arrived.But MGM being the knight in shining armour that he is, checked, clarified, double checked, triple checked back with his brother, wrote out instructions… and then drove his mother into the Edinburgh hospital,along with the whole of our life in the back of the car.
Sir Maxelot and I stayed in the comforts of her living room and had bit of a power nap and love in…. with lots of Reiki, which he loves. It helps him with his anxiety.Let’s face it.His normal routine had already been blown to bits and he is an emotionally sensitive, grumpy old bugger who likes his structure, home comforts and… alone time.Lots of patience, love and strong space would need to be held for him throughout the week’s journey and transition to Spain.
MGM and his mother ended up being away for a good couple of hours and had been told that a day surgery procedure would go ahead in December.It made our ‘Adios’ a bit easier and more difficult at the same time as it was already looking like MGM would have to come back to the UK after just 3 weeks.
Hugs and ‘Adios’s’ all round… and we finally hit the road… again.
And went straight to the nearby Asda to get in some unhealthy but very welcome chocolate, crisps and fizzy drink for Driver Number One ie. MGM… (he’d gone waaaay past the healthy wheatgrass smoothies by this point)…and I wanted to get some last minute fluffy pjs for my friend J who was still down in Spain waiting for us at our new home.Apparently the temperature had dropped quite a bit since I left after running the first twoChannelling Love retreats.
So… it wasn’t until after midday that we finally left Edinburgh… and to be honest we were both a bit shellshocked and numb.We had booked the 0123 Eurotunnel because it was the cheapest time, but it also gave us a massive 12 hours for the 9 hours drive, and with the hope that we could try and blag an earlier shuttle if needed.
The next few hours were spent, funnily enough, driving down the A1.
My friend J had Whatsapped us some ‘you’re doing great and keep going’ motivational photos from our awaiting Spanish garden… with the morning sun rising above the mountains, and it most definitely helped spur us on.
The weather for our first day’s driving was dark grey,rainy and particularly shite.
One thing became very apparent during the first 5 hours of our drive.It’s not until you spend 5 hours continually cooped up in the car with your beloved dog that you realise how much gas he actually expels…it was acrid.Sir Maxelot was totally oblivious to our streaming eyes, distress and rapid window opening…he was laid out in the palatial boot on his specially purchased memory foam mattress and favourite fleece rugs.Our boy knows how to travel.And we know how to spoil him.
But it felt like frikking FOR-EVAAAAH to even get down to Leeds.
We were feeling totally fried andwe were only just half way.You may remember that I’m not the best of passengers… so I spent a lot of time with my head in my brand new phone.
The day before, after having had lunch with my mother and moved though another emotionally charged “Adios” …. (she had put on a very brave front but I could feel what she was feeling and it was tough on both of us,) MGM and I followed our guts and made a mad dash to upgrade and up level my phone tech.
It had been very obvious while I’d been in Spain that my phone and network weren’t going to cut it.My livestreams had massively pixelated and my much anticipated LIVE interview with the inspirational cancer warrior Fi Munro had fallen flat as my phone didn’t have the capacity to hold the connection.Gutted.And embarrassed. Not going to happen again. Nope.
Seeing as our new life in Spain is based upon my work as a channel… it was a no brainer to invest in the foundations for our future.It had to be done.So we did it.I’m now the proud owner of a snazzy powerful iPhone that does things I‘d never even dreamed of and have no idea how to work.
But the eyestrain became too much as the greyness turned into blackness.It was now just a long drive in the dark. And in the rain. Yuk.
We made pitstops every couple of hours to clear our heads and to give Sir Maxelot a stretch.He was way more chilled out than us.And he peed and poo’d according to his usual structure and routine… and we gave him his first outdoor dinner in a services carpark somewhere in the midlands… I think.And he ate it… which meant he was doing a-ok.
MGM, not so much.
He needed to power nap… not even lucozade was helping.So I went into the services and blanched at the price of a latte while he instantly fell asleep.I came back after about 20 minutes to find him totally sparko, leaning at an awkward angle with his mouth wide open and looking absolutely gorgeous.I do love My Hunky Handsome Hero.So I went back into the services and loitered around the M&S food store.The only thing that grabbed my attention was the prossecco… and nope, I didn’t. In hindsight, I wish I had.
Things became a bit blurry after about 8pm.We were on autopilot.The Google Be-atch took us on a detour off the motorway which perplexed us and drastically lowered our stress tolerance, but after about 30 minutes of “For F*cks saking” we were reunited with the M20.The last hour felt like it would never end.One last pitstop for Max to release (in accordance with his night time schedule of 10.30pm) and then we realised that we were practically right next to the Channel Tunnel after all.
We had to pull over for a bit of rapid, tense “Where the F*ck is it??!” delving in a bag on the back seat to dig out passports… and just before we got to the kiosk, we were strangely asked to reverse back out of the queue and up between the concrete bollards to pull in to the neighbouring kiosk which looked deserted.
All passports glanced at… including Max’s and we were sent on to the French border kiosk, which was as similarly disinterested in any of us.
It turned out that our hope of hitching an earlier ride to France was impossible.We’d not long missed boarding for the 2320 shuttle… and the next one wasn’t till our booked one at 0123.All we could do was park up and wait.And I went into the terminal to get a bit of space.MGM and I were frazzled and trying not to snap… although he did a better job at holding it together than me.So I left ‘ma boyz’ alone for a bit and went for a cuppa and watched the shenanigans of 5 grown men up ladders trying to put up the central ceiling Christmas lights and decorations.I quickly got bored and went back to the car to try and show my appreciation and gratitude for all MGM’s driving.
I was actually so discombobulated that I couldn’t even be arsed to start panicking about the Eurotunnel.
I’m claustrophobic, so going underground, let alone underwater was something that I would avidly avoid in normal circumstances.But I’d had to pull on my big, brave pants because even worse than being underground, was the thought of leaving Sir Maxelot alone in the car on a ferry’s lower decks.So when we were finally waved into the shuttle train and the sides began to close in on me, I listened intently to the safety announcement like a good girl and thought happy thoughts that didn’t include leaks or sea water.
It wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it would be.
I chose to ignore my changing ear pressure that marked our descent under the sea… but Max was loving his ride… he had the car behind him to check out… and we could see the guys taking photos of his handsomeness peeking out of the back window at them.
We arrived in France at 2am… except it was now 3am with the time change.The Google Be-atch thankfully led us straight to our budget Ibis 10 minutes away and we finally pulled into the carpark at 0333… another master number!
For a while during the journey we’d had the double master number of 22.22 as our predicted arrival time at the Eurotunnel… so we’d felt very Universally supported and protected! I do love the Divine signs of the Universe.
We pulled out our overnight bags… woke Sir Maxelot from his comfy bed… and headed to the automated check in machine and thankfully all that worked too. A slip of paper was printed out with our room number and a code to get in the door.
It was like walking into a plastic prison cell and Sir Maxelot was not best pleased… hardly any room to turn his longness around and he stood steadfastly looking at the door.So much so, that MGM thought he might be asking to go out… so he took him out again.But all he did was go mental at a giant rabbit that appeared from nowhere.His old training and instinct as a hunting breed and ex-racer was still very much alive.Back in the room, I took the top single bunk… and the boys happily took the double bed below.There was no space to bring his mattress in at all.And we all said goodnight.
Max slept well.We both heard him excitedly chasing that rabbit while we tried to count sheep.And at about 8 am we surfaced from a half uncomfy sleep into semi conscious action.It was time to just hit the road again.Sir Maxelot had breakfast served in the car park and then he happily jumped back into this fleecy palace.We took deep breaths, set up google Be-atch and headed into the unknown.
An hour in and we stopped for french pain au chocolate… and 2 hours in, we hit Paris.
As I’ve been writing, and you’ve been reading, My Gorgeous Hero of a Man has masterfully navigated the jammed packed roads filled with pushy, Parisian tailgating drivers who know very well where they are going. He managed to drive us through all the turn offs, verge lefts, rights and whatever else was needed to keep us going south.
It was extremely intense.
He’s a much, much happier A1 Driver when I don’t ‘help’… and I’m a much, much happier passenger when I don’t see red brake lights lighting up in front of me.We make a fab team.I heard the call from the Universe to write this blog post now, with my laptop on my lap and my head and my heart in the blogging world of Namaste This… and it meant that MGM and I could remain friends and in lurv after all.
So there you have it… we’re a day and a half into our transition into a new life.We’ve another 6 hours or so to go until we’re in the Mid Pyrenees where we’re staying for 3 nights with one of my dearest friends.We met way back in the early 1990’s flying for BA and oh boy… we had some great times in the good ole days… which was affectionally known as Beach Fleet… i.e.. Gatwick Base in the 1990’s. Despite the distance and the passingyears… we’ve always been there for each other.It’s a true friendship… we just pick up where we left off.
The only blip on this French horizon is that they have an excitable Rhodesian Ridgeback puppy… and as gorgeous as she is… we’re praying and asking Sir Maxelot to love her too.As with some ex-racing greyhounds, he’s not that keen on other breeds of dogs… but combined with his preference for sleeping and alone time, it’s going to be an interesting couple of days for sure.
I’ll keep you very much posted.
PS. The Benefits of Breathing Deeply
One of the easiest and quickest ways to reduce increasing stress and anxiety (either in the moment or longterm) is to take some long, slow deep breaths. Generally, we don’t use the full capacity of our lungs when we breathe… and this means that there isn’t the maximum amount of oxygen in our blood cells to fuel our body.
The Benefits of:
Lowers blood pressure
Promotes blood flow
Promotes clear thinking
Releases toxins from the body
Strengthens abdominal and intestinal muscles
Natural pain relief
Increased self awareness
Try it and see!
For a count of 5 – Breathe in through your nose, and down into your belly
Hold for a count of 2
For a count of 5 – Breathe out through your mouth
Repeat 5 times
Build up the repetitions!
Start bringing this very simple and basic exercise into your daily practise and whenever you feel any anxiety building up.
So here I am sitting on our terrace in the Spanish Alpujarras with the late afternoon sun on my face, and I’m just so filled with gratitude.Mad dashes to hospitals and crazy life challenges already feel like a lifetime away… but I thought you might enjoy what went down when I landed into Spain to claim our new home… just over 2 weeks ago!
Due to our flat not selling as we’d hoped… and My Gorgeous Man’s emergency surgery, I was having to leave MGM and Sir Maxelot behind in Scotland.It was a lot harder than I thought it was going be.Through all the rough and tumble of the last few months, we were both in need of ‘me’ space… we had even been joking about what a relief it would be.
For two and a half weeks, MGM would have our great big, comfy sofa, complete control of the remote control, super fast, strong internet and the company of our beloved, unsociable greyhound… and have the space to tie up many of the loose ends needed to close up our Scottish life.And I would move into our new Spanish home, get everything established and have the joy of the mountains and the company of my dear friend Jo Beth Young as I ran my first two Channelling Love Retreats.
I would be setting up Spanish base camp.
But when MGM dropped me off at Edinburgh airport… I got all girly and teary and had a great big lump in my throat. What made it worse was that we’d not had a good morning as we’d packed up the next stage of our life and flat.We were supposed to have been moving to Spain, happy and together.Not like this at all.Nope. Nope. Nope.
On the other hand… and ever the optimist…
I was still very excited to be going!
Inside the terminal I dropped off my bag that was within a whisper of the maximum limit, and then I got completely and utterly scanned, x-rayed, undressed, searched, unpacked, questioned and swabbed at security.I blame it on the mix of my big pouch of crystals, recording equipment, vitamins and all the contents of my Goddess Office that I’d been able to miraculously stuff into my wheelie bag.
Freed and re-assembled, I headed straight for the bar.But the bar was absolutely chocka and I just didn’t have the energy to push through and stand there alone like ‘billy no mates’ with a large glass of vino blanco.
So, I got a meal deal from Superdrug, scrounged some space on a bench and speed read through a very trashy newspaper instead.
By the time I landed at Gatwick, all my emotional and physical knackeredness was kicking off and in. I felt like I’d been pulled through a hedge backwards, forwards, and sideways.I felt sick, excited, terrified, upset, wiped out and just about everything that wasn’t peace and love.It turned out that my friend, J, had had a similarly tumultuous day, so we headed straight to M&S in the terminal to get some supplies in for our room at the budget Airport Inn.
It shows you how knackered we were, when we only got a quarter bottle each.
Tired of dragging our suitcases (which felt like the dead weight of our entire life’s possessions) around the terminal we said “F*ck it,” to finding the elusive courtesy hotel bus stop and treated ourselves to a taxi.And within a few minutes we had a plastic keycard in our hands… then we were marvelling at the towel swans on our beds… making Wonder Woman changes into PJs… emptying our quarter bottles of bubbles into the mugs and taking turns to spew out our day’s traumas.
And everything began to feel so much better.
Because that’s what true friends and soul sisters are for.
The alarm went off at an ungodly hour the next morning, not that long after our verbal diarrhoea had actually calmed down…and we dragged our bags and asses downstairs and dragged our bags and asses onto the bus… dragged our bags and asses along escalators and dragged our bags and asses to the check-in that’s no longer called check-in.It’s all drop off… except not… because my friend had a guitar with her… and that had to make it’s own sacred journey through outsized baggage.Now you wouldn’t think that any of this would be difficult.But what made it all very interesting was that my friend was completely and utterly, legally drugged up to her eyeballs with super duper tranquillisers in order for her to even step on to our waiting plane.So, for all intents and purposes, her body was there, but she most definitely was not.She was zombieville on legs.
Amazingly when I’d done the online check the day before, our separate, independentbookings had been seated together.
I mean, c’mon, that is sheer magical Universal support, if ever there was!
So I did feel that everything was going to flow with ease… and hey presto it did.J managed to get on the plane without freaking out, she got a bit tangled up and confused with her seat belt… but travelling with an ex-HotHostie with 23 years flying experience, has its advantages.I even remembered where the exits were and I very much enjoyed rebelling and not watching the pre-flight briefing.
The flight was full… but fine.
The woman on the aisle opposite was a constant source of entertainment as she shifted through image changes, clothing options, beany on and beany off.We had our sandwiches and crisps and as J had requested nonstop distraction and chats… that’s what we did.For two and a half hours.I kind of felt sorry for anyone around us.Our random chats ranged from “You’ll never believe what happened” to full on ‘spookywuwu’ and “I wonder what it’s going to be like when we get there.”
J was blessed.She was on drugs.
And I didn’t really want to admit that I was nervous about the car rental and finding our way out of Malaga.But we had our best friend Google all lined up on my mobile… so what could possibly go wrong?
For a start, at the car hire desk everything was going great until the subject of insurance came up.I was under strict instructions from My Gorgeous Man NOT to be frightened into taking out the fully comprehensive option.
“It’s not necessary” he told me.“You don’t need it… it’s a scam!”
Funnily enough J’s Dad had said exactly the same thing when she left for the airport too. But when that very nice lady behind the desk, who looked so honest, helpful and trusting, said that I wouldn’t be covered for any damage and I wouldn’t have any roadside assistance… my resolve broke and another couple of hundred quid was added to my credit card.
I felt sheepish and done over.J was kind of coming out of zombieville and did her best to make me feel better. I felt sick to my stomach.Anyway… we dragged our asses and bags around the terminal… down the ramp… along the lower level garage with row upon row of rental cars and could we frigging find parking place number 77 where our dinky car was waiting for us?Nope.It should have been so easy.
But it wasn’t.
And then we found it.
It was a doh moment that neither of us want to mention again.
Spookily, the number 77 is a very positive and significant number for me, so all things considered, we were off to a good start.Turns out it’s J’s lucky number too.And MGM is also a 7 man, so the Universe really was stacking up the good stuff for us.
We took our time packing up our dinky, minuscule car, which took some figuring out with a large, awkward shaped guitar case along with solid suitcases, wheelies, bags et all… but eventually I got in behind the wheel.I took some more time to figure out left from right, indicators, wipers, lights and all the usual essentials… and then there was no putting it off.I was going to have to drive.
Put the “Google Be-atch on,” … and… “Wagons roll!”
I should just add that calling Google Maps the ‘Google Be-atch’ is a term of endearment.When we were in France she took us down many a tiny road that no car should ever go down… and which had us swearing our heads off… at her… but at the end of the day, she always got us to where we wanted to go.We love her, really.
So, driving out of the car park, the Google Be-atch roared into action, took us around a couple of roundabouts and onto a very busy and fast dual carriage way.
And then the Be-atch froze.
J’s state of zombieville was prevailing and I could see her struggling to compute.There was nothing for it but to keep on driving and hope that the Google Be-atch caught up with us.
But she didn’t.
J did an amazing job of forcing her brain into full action and fired up her own Google Be-atch… and we both sighed a sigh of relief as she told us to keep going in the direction we’d found ourselves going in.But when we weren’t commanded to turn off towards Granada, we knew there was something very wrong.
What also felt ‘wrong’ was the fact that Spanish drivers just don’t give way and they drive right up your frikking ass.My enforced zen, was very forced.I would guess that J was secretly very relieved that her horse strength tranquillisers hadn’t fully worn off.
It turned out that J’s Google Be-atch was programmed to avoid motorways and before we knew it, we were heading into the frenzy of Torremolinos.And I heart stoppingly discovered that our minuscule car’s brakes, were very, very soft and very, very slow indeed.
Much more zen was needed than anticipated.
There was nothing for it, but to take control. I defied J’s Google B and went fully round the next roundabout and headed back towards the airport.J managed to reboot my Google B and we warmly welcomed her back into our lives… especially when she told us where to go… and it made sense.
The motorway was extremely busy and within our first half hour, we drove past 2 crashes that had blocked off lanes.J and I were consciously breathing very deeply and saying “Everything’s fine!” in very high pitched voices.
Thankfully, as we left the city behind, the traffic eased and I made friends with our minuscule car and we settled in for the drive up into The Alpujarras.Turning off the motorway about an hour later towards Orgiva was very exciting… and I then had a momentous wave of hugest appreciation for MGM’s driving back in June. Windy mountain roads.It was very different to city driving… and the number of cars up my ass was proof of it.
We rocked into Orgiva in third gear at around 4pm.
We had about an hour before meeting our Angel Agent to take possession of the keys to our new home.I had no idea if I would be asked for more rent, cash, bank details, or have to pay for October that we had had to cancel.I had no idea if I would even be able to understand him.Perhaps it had all been a fluke back in June.Or perhaps he wouldn’t even show up.So J and I went for one of those iced lattes to die for and hit the sugar boost, hard.And at 5pm almost on the dot… there he was, opening the door to his office that we were keeping an eye on from our overloaded sugar station.
OMG, how I loved and thanked the Universe in those next moments.
He smiled, shook our hands, asked after our flight and said he would take us straight to the house.Rent could be sorted out tomorrow morning! Wow!
“Let’s go!” he said… “Follow me and I’ll take you there!”So we did!
We managed to find each other in our respective cars on the other side of the town square and off we went.
Around the back of Orgiva, along a windy, single track, with the mountains lit up by the lowering sun and orange trees lining the way.We pulled in through the gates, up past more orange trees, rose bushes and morning glory flowers adorning the fences… and then, there she was. The owner Rosa was outside the house with a great big welcoming smile… and a basket of fruit from the gardens, milk, water… and bottle of red wine in the fridge.We were overwhelmed.
“See you tomorrow!” the Angel Agent waved as he left and then Rosa happily handed over the keys and headed back down to her house below.
And that was it.
I had moved us to Spain.
The house was ours.
No problems.No complications.No fuss.
Just trust, ease and flow.
I couldn’t quite believe it.
As soon as they left, J and I cracked open our celebratory bottle of bubbles and proceeded to happily glug it back as the sun went down.And then we cracked open another bottle as the stars shone out from the clear night sky.And we finished that one too.What a day.
Oh how I wished MGM and Sir Maxelot were with us… I already missed them.And as I glanced up into the heavens a massive shooting star glittered its way across the sky.
Wow.Thank you Universe!
Once again you’ve given us a sign, that moving to the Alpujarras is absolutely, without a doubt… the right move for us… and the place for us to call home.
In my next instalment I’ll be sharing what went down during my first 2 weeks here… it’s not what you’d expect!
PS. And this is why I’m now sooooo glad I was railroaded into the hire car fully comp insurance with roadside assistance. A totally flat tyre… with a bestie who knows how to change one… and a brand new replacement car on the way.
Nobody warned us it would be so stressful to follow our dream.Turns out it takes balls.And now that My Gorgeous Man’s gall bladder has been unceremoniously relieved of its duties… it’s time to for us to pull up our big brave pants and… Just Do It. Nike would be proud of us.
I’ve been asked a few times how we ended up picking the Orgiva area?
Well… the answer is… we followed the… F L O O O W.
When we were Universally kicked out of Hong Kong, we spent about 6 weeks down in the French Mid-Pyrenees and then the Cote d’Azur with a view to finding our new home and life. We’d had French barn renovations (MGM’s thing) and snow capped mountains (my thing) on our Honkers vision board. Blessed to stay with friends from my ‘Hot Hostie’ flying days who were now living in France, we all drank far too much wine and had way too much fun.
But I just hadn’t felt a connection with the land. For me, that’s the deal breaker.And that’s why, two years ago we ended up back in our home town of Edinburgh.It seemed the logical thing to do.Go home until we find our new home.
Looking back, it was over 4 years ago that I was first introduced to Orgiva.My co-creatress and wonderfully spooky soul sister and I had been looking for a European venue to host our Illumination Retreat for Women. And a friend of a friend put me in touch with another friend who had done just that, in Orgiva.
OMG, when I saw the pictures, my heart soared and melted all at once.It was absolutely stunning.I didn’t realise it then, but I’d fallen in love with the land.
But life went on… the retreat didn’t happen and The Spanish Alpujarra faded into the back of my mind.
Fast forward to 3 years ago and my wonderfully spooky friend came out with a blinder.
“I don’t know why I’m telling you this… but you need to look at Orgiva.”
Fairynuff. But we were still in Honkers and I still didn’t pay Orgiva much attention.
It was only this year, when MGM and I were so fed up with life in Scotland, that I actually ‘heard’ her.She had been persistently patient.
Now, when you’re ready to hear, you hear.And that’s when the magic of the flow picks up pace.
So there we were, earlier on this year, so frikking miserable that we were seriously on the verge of packing up, buying a camper van, fecking off and figuring it out along the way.As you remember, this didn’t go down too well with our nearest and dearest and we temporarily got back in our box.Until June.When we did the sensible thing and flew down there for a week to check this place called Orgiva out.
The Universal flow even gifted us a rare run of TV programmes on Andaulica and Granada.And, boy did it looked stunning!
MGM followed the Google flow and had found us a gorgeous Eco Airbnb on the outskirts of Lanjaron (5 miles from Orgiva) that suited us perfectly for our week of Alpujarra explorations.It was run by an English woman who was a holistic therapist… with space to hold retreats and workshops.We booked in and the flow REALLY began to flow.
In my heart, I was already running retreats there.
Nothing could prepare us for actually being there… or for the feel of the land… and those stunning mountain views.OMG. I was in heaven.I was sold.My dream of snow capped mountains might not have to stay a dream after all.The scenery was dramatic, but gentle.It felt like the land was welcoming me and holding me… there was an underlying strong, high vibration that was powerful and deeply healing… transformational, yet soft… soporific but reviving. And I literally felt myself relax and come alive all at once.
If you’ve read my previous blogs, you’ll know that we started looking at properties.We had some absolute nightmares and absolute delights… and it became obvious that looking for a new home while living in a different country really wasn’t going to work.
We needed a starting point… ASAP.
It was while we were having an ‘overloaded sugar boosted, ice-cream latte to die for’in Orgiva town centre that we spied an agents with some interesting properties that were in our price range.And they did rentals.
The agent, didn’t speak a word of English.And neither of us spoke Spanish. I’m still pretty fluent in Brazilian Portuguese from my married years in Rio de Janeiro so there was enough of a tiny slither of common ground to cover the basics. With a lot of made up words, intuitive guessing and blank looks along the way.
We had an interesting afternoon with him. He happily took us totally off road and directed us up a dried out river bed to get to a property, couldn’t unlock the massive heavy duty padlock…couldn’t get a phone signal to get hold of the owner… and we eventually ended up back in his office, scrolling through rentals.
I have absolutely no idea how it happened, but we saw the place that we’re soon going to be calling home and just knew it was for us.He took us to see it there and then. The owner was an animated and eccentric woman but she had such an open heart… and she had 2 equally crazy, high energy terrier type dogs that adoringly followed her around nipping at each other… and her ankles.Through all her gesticulations, she agreed that we could move in for the winter… along with our anti social, ‘size of a mini pony,’ rescue greyhound.
MGM and I couldn’t believe our luck.It had a pool.A secure garden.A BBQ.A view.Was within walking distance of the town.
And it was ours… if we paid up now.
Now there’s nothing like being asked for cash up front to give you a reality check.Both of us swallowed hard.And we said we’d come back the next afternoon with the deposit.That gave us over night to think about what we were doing. To worry about what we were doing.To question what we were doing.And to basically not sleep at all.
Were we mad?!Handing cash over to an agent who I certainly didn’t fully understand… but he didn’t seem to care two hoots that we didn’t yet have Spanish paperwork… or Spanish bank account… or the essential NIE for all life to function in Spain.Perhaps I hadn’t understood anything of anything!Perhaps he was having a laugh and rubbing his hands together with glee.
Or perhaps he was the Universe’s answer to all our newbie, naive expat needs!
My Gorgeous Man and I agonised over the ‘should we or shouldn’t we’… and all the ‘what ifs’ that could possibly be ‘what iffed.’
At 3am… EVERYTHINGis MAGNIFIED in the worst possible way.Loaded with the worst possible outcomes the air was heavy with fear.But what I wasn’t willing to ignore, was the fact that my heart and my gut still said…
“For Fecks Sake Just Do It!!”
The thing was… if we didn’t pull up our big, brave pants… then we would head back to Scotland and nothing would have changed.No home and no starting point in Spain.And that felt a whole lot worse than taking a risk.
“It’s only money!” we said.Cue the nervous laughter.
But isn’t it crazy how we can talk ourselves out of something that’s actually great for us… because we’re conditioned to expect the worst… and be terrified of making that ‘wrong choice?’
So first thing that morning, blurry from lack of sleep, we rocked up at the agents and said YES!A great big grin spread across his face… and he asked for the cash deposit.MGM went across the road to the cashpoint and sucked our account dry.We handed our stash over and he handed us back a hand written receipt on yellow paper. And all was finished off with great big firm handshakes and wide smiles saying “Muy bien!”
That was it.
And then our minds caught up… and we realised what we’d done.Handed over cash with no contract or any of the ‘normal’ rental reassurances.
It actually felt GREAT!
It had all just ‘happened’… the flow had taken over and we’d gone with it.
So we went for another sugar boosted caffeine infused glass of badness to celebrate.It was too early for cerveza.
It wasn’t long after that, that we found out through the local network that our smiling agent had a reputation as a bit of a shark.
Oops.Oh well.Not much we can do about it now!No point in worrying!Definitely cerveza time.
And so we flew back to Scotland, with what we hoped was a new home under our belt. Our life was about to change big time.
And on a surge of inspiration I set dates for my Spanish Channelling Love Retreats at the Eco-Finca we’d stayed at.And they sold out so quickly that I set up an extra weekend… and that sold out too.
So as you read this, I am now in Orgiva… MGM is still in Scotland fully recovering from his surgery and closing up our home there… and I will be welcoming my first retreat guests on Friday 3rd November 2017.And while my guests will be enjoying the Eco Finca, I’ll be setting down roots in that gorgeous little house that we’d bravely put the inspired deposit down on back in June.
Because yes… the ‘shark’ of an agent came through for us. He is now officially an Angel Agent.
Sometimes things just aren’t too good to be true… they’re the gems that the Universe brings you when you’re brave enough to follow your heart.
Next time… I’ll be sharing my arrival back into Spain accompanied by my legally, super drugged up, sedated friend… and what actually happens when you make those life changing shifts and land on the land.
PS. Non fluffy TOP TIPS for following your heart…
Don’t believe everything you’re told…
Don’t do everything you’re told…
Don’t believe everything you read…
Don’t take everyone else’s experience as gospel… everyone loves a bit of exaggerated drama and a story tell.
There’s always going to be 3 sides to a negative experience and you’ll never know the truth.
The internet is generally full of negative experiences and fear based stories!
Listen to your gut reactions.
Stand your ground and do what feels peaceful, easy, flowing and right for YOU.
BE BRAVE! And buy big pants.
Coming soon to Namaste This! My new step by step video leading you through a simple process to help you hear your heart. Watch this space 🙂
It’s almost 2 weeks since My Gorgeous Man had his little fecker of a gallbladder removed and you could say we’re getting back into the swing of normal life.Except it’s anything but normal.MGM is getting stronger but is still fragile… we’ve just received 3 requests for sales viewings of The Flat… and I’m now getting ready to head off to Spain to host my first two Channelling Love retreats.
But, let’s bring MGM’s surgical escapades to a close first.Because while he was still laid out on the ward, I had the weirdest of 36-ish hours.Looking back on it, I’m able to shake my head and laugh but I honestly couldn’t have made it up.
A good few hours after leaving MGM being prepped for surgery, I phoned the hospital to find out if he was back on the ward.It was only meant to be a routine surgery for them, maybe lasting 90 minutes.But my stomach hit the floor when they said he was still in recovery.Due back… but still in recovery.The nurse was cagey and I felt she was saying a whole lot more through her silence.
We later found out that it was one of the most difficult keyhole removals they’d ever done because his gallbladder was so inflamed and basically f*cked.Amazingly, the surgeons had managed not to fully open him up… but his recovery would be as if they had.
I ran Sir Maxelot round the block on his teatime walk, gave him some extra goodies, told him that I would be back and everything was going to be ok and headed straight back up to the hospital.And I sat in MGM’s empty cubicle waiting for him to reappear.It was horrible.And when he was wheeled back in on his bed, that was horrible in a whole new way too.All my empathic alarm bells went ballistic at once and I had to fight back the waves of trauma and nausea… and will my tears not to fall.Deep breaths, Sally, deep breaths.MGM really wasn’t there at all… so all I could do was hold his hand, and breathe.And try not to see his surgical drain, and bag of bloody fluid that was now right next to me.
He was in and out of consciousness and awareness, and after a couple of hours… he came round enough to say “Why don’t you just go home?You hate hospitals… and I’m not up to much here.’My hunky, handsome hero… always thinking me.And in all honesty, I was relieved.He was in good hands.Plus, there was an upset furry baby at home and a good chance of some more ripped up duvet awaiting me.
So home I went. There was no ripped duvet, and Sir Maxelot even came and sat with me on the sofa.Sitting next to you, without actually touching you, is his way of giving you a great big bear hug.More about Sir Maxelot another day… but I was so over tired, wrung out and strung out, that I can’t even remember much about what was left of that evening.
What I do remember was not being able to properly sleep… and having the weirdest most uncomfortable, ‘this is real’ dreams. You know the ones, where you have a full on deep dreamand think you’ve been out for the count for 10 hours, but it’s only been 10 minutes.It was about 3am, when the hackles on my neck went up and a slow prickling terror seeped through into my body and my now fully conscious senses, and I was frozen with fear.
I knew exactly what was happening and I knew exactly what I had to do.
If you aren’t wuwu, psychic or believe in spirit… then you’ll find what happened next, a bit weird or unbelievable. But when I started this blog, I made a commitment to you, to tell it all, exactly as it is…. and I’m sticking to that.As a channel, what happened is part of my ‘normal’… but it may well be a world away from your normal, and that is perfectly OK.
That night, I had a rare psychic attack.
There was a dark presence… and it was in the hall looking right at me through the bedroom door.I don’t see spirit, but I have full on accuracy for sensing and knowing.My home is sacred space and normally, it is an energetically clear, super duper strong and high vibrational space.It’s many years since I’d experienced a lower vibration coming in and it just highlighted how out of sorts I was.I pulled every ounce of energy, light, strength, will power and Divine light into my body, put a 999 call out to my invisible team and the biggest, toughest, brightest security guards with feathered wings and took myself through my own process to clear my body and space.
It is horrible when this happens, but you have to step out of your FEAR and take CONTROL.Fear is actually your biggest challenge. It may shake you to the core, but it also shows you how powerful you are energetically, emotionally and spiritually.
These experiences generally come when you are opening up psychically… none of us like them, but it’s all part and parcel of deepening and strengthening our gifts and awareness.It’s an aspect of spiritual awakening that a lot of people (and teachers) don’t like to publicly talk about.Being psychic and empathic is not all about crystal balls, fluffy pink unicorns, air kissing and hippydippy love. It’s real deal life as an awakened soul upon earth.
But just as I was slipping back into a semi-sleep, I was sure I heard a yelp.
I leapt out of bed and as soon as I opened the living room door he shot out of there like a bullet and ran through to our bedroom and jumped up onto the bed.We needed each other and as a very sensitive dog, he had most probably felt what was going on.He often comes to lie with me during my channelled healings as he loves soaking up the high vibes.He curled up at the bottom of the bed and we relaxed into each other’s security.Miraculously, his patched up and re-stuffed duvet was still in tact.
Fast forward 24 hours.
MGM had been moved onto a different ward… I still hadn’t slept properly.It had now been 4 nights in a row of practically no sleep and I was totally zombified, functioning on adrenaline and auto-pilot. Bizarrely, I had found myself posting a ‘raw & real’ inspirational post on Facebook… pulling the Divine Signs oracle card for myself (which means everything is fandabbydoo and Divinely guided) and sharing the message with the online world.
I was so out of it that morning, that I even answered my phone to a number that I didn’t recognise…
“Hello! I bet you didn’t expect to get this call?!” You’re right, I didn’t.Who are you? “It’s ******… remember me?” Holy Feck, it was a guy who I had had my first couple of dates with back in my mid-teens. “I found you on FB and saw that you’re moving to Spain… and…. and… and…“
I was confused.
This was just beyond surreal.He was happily chatting away and I was wracking my brains trying to figure out how he had found my number.The old me, would have politely chatted back, not wanting to appear rude.But, I just couldn’t get my head round this and I didn’t want to play.In the end I had to interrupt and say,
“Sorry, but My Gorgeous Man – you know.. the love of my life, my partner, my all (and I’m not quite sure why are you phoning me?) has just had emergency surgery and I’m not up for chitchats.”
Just what was the Universe up to? Was I missing something? But I was just too tired and beyond trying to figure stuff out.
So, onwards and upwards… another trip round the block for Sir Maxelot… more gravy bone bribes as I headed out the door and back to MGM on his new ward.The day before, I’d stood helplessly in the massive entrance and reception area of the hospital on the end of the ‘help phone’trying to understand the directions I was being given on how to find my love through the maze of corridors.
Right now, it felt like MGM was on the other side of the world.
I was exhausted. And when I got to MGM, I could see he was exhausted too.The ward was busy.The nurses were busy.I moved the chair round to sit by his side and got ready to just read my book as he dozed.They’d removed the drain from his side earlier and it hadn’t been pleasant… and I felt the familiar sickening energy waves from the trauma, hit my solar plexus.Waves of awfulness kept coming but I breathed through it… after all, he was the one that had gone through it, not me.
MGM, was not in a good place and I knew something was up.It didn’t take him long to tell me that it would be better if I just went home.There’d been gossip, difficulties and politics in me coming to sit with him.Turns out that visitors weren’t really allowed on the Day Surgery ward, unlike the ward he’d been on before.Of course the other patients didn’t know that he was ‘resident’ and had been moved there to free up his bed. I wish someone had just told me.
I was mortified. Deeply upset that I’d upset the staff that I’d been so grateful for.I fought back my over-tired tears.MGM was struggling, I was struggling.No need to make it all harder.So I closed my book, put the chair back on the other side of his bed, gave him a kiss and left.Tears were welling up and I was fighting them back.I went to the ward desk and said I was so sorry… I hadn’t known visitors weren’t allowed on this ward… and that I hadn’t meant to get in the way.I could hardly get the words out for fighting back the tears and the nurse just smiled kindly back at me, over the top of her glasses.
I made it out of the ward before the damn broke and crying won.
Truth is, I cried down the stairs, along the corridor, out the entrance, in through the other entrance, down the massive central halls, milling with people, nurses, doctors, patients heading out for a fags, porters, visitors and just way to many people.And I just couldn’t stem the flow.Nobody batted an eyelid and I was past caring anyway.It had just all been too much and I was finally letting go of everything.I cried my way round the strategically placed M&S food shop, chucking everything that I thought I wanted into the basket.Cried at the till.Cried as I paid.And cried as she wished me a lovely afternoon.I cried my way out of the building.Cried as I paid for the car park.Cried as I walked back to the car.
And when I finally got back into the car and clunked the door shut, I sobbed.And couldn’t stop sobbing.I mean, I really sobbed.Sobbed for everything and everyone.I felt so incredibly alone.I just wanted someone to hug me.
My ‘oh poor me’ self pity and inner victim were going into hyper-overdrive.
I found myself phoning a dear friend, even though I knew she was in the depths of work and probably wouldn’t even be near her phone… but miraculously she picked up straight away… and so I sobbed down the phone to her too.Literally unable to talk.These are true friends. She must have thought MGM had pegged it.She picked me up, brushed me down, distantly hugged me and sent me back out into the world.My eyes were swollen, my nose was running and I had no idea how much time had passed.
I glanced over my shoulder to see a queue of cars at the barriers and I knew it was time to leave.One more sniff… into reverse and round the one way system I went.When I got to the barrier I stuck my ticket into the machine and the red light started flashing.I couldn’t frikking believe it.And I started crying again.My ticket and payment had timed out.
By now there are other cars behind me waiting to be released.I pressed the intercom and heard my own pathetic crying voice say…
“Waaaah… my ticket’s timed out…I didn’t realise so much time had passed.”Sniff, Sniff, cough splutter. Mortified that I might also be on camera, my vanity kicked in and I rubbed my wet cheeks dry and made a pathetic attempt at a hair flick. “On you go love,” and the barrier opened. I cried again… a voice with a heart.
Or a hospital parking attendant who couldn’t be arsed to collect another couple of pounds.
And so I started the drive home, with swollen eyes, a blotchy face, dishevelled hair and a body that just needed to sleep the sleep of Repunzle.
Then turning up the road just past Holyrood Palace, I couldn’t believe my eyes.There was the one person I hadn’t wanted to see since moving back to Edinburgh… walking up the pavement in front of me, going in my direction and on my side of the road.And as the traffic was going so slowly, he ended up literally walking right beside me.
Of all the days. I mean… c’mon Universe! Give me a break… puleeeez!
Well, somebody upstairs did hear me, because amazingly, I wasn’t spotted.Thank you, thank you, thank you.
I made it home and collapsed onto the sofa. About an hour later, MGM phoned and said he was being discharged and could I please come and pick him up.
But oh sh*t… the flat’s a mess! Oh Sh*t… MGM really didn’t look well enough to be sent home. Oh double SH*T… how am I going to look after him?
I did a mega quick deep clean to make his home coming as nice as possible and then crawled back into the car.By the time he was legally discharged, it was early evening and dark… and I had driven down several wrong roads with a multitude of confusing roadworks and parking cones until I found the pick up point.The automatic doors opened and I saw this hunched over figure, gingerly shuffling through them.
My Gorgeous Man.He was free and he was upright. Damn I love that man!
The journey home was painful.Very painful.In every sense of painful. Every bump, every movement, just everything hurt him… and I cursed Edinburgh council’s obsession for digging up its roads.I was worried that MGM’s release and my ability to innately find every bump and hole in the road was going to become his downfall.But we made it, and after a heartfelt reunion with Max, who homed straight in to sniff his abdomen, MGM went straight to bed.
And Max joined him.
The drama was over… and it was now time to heal.And that night, I finally slept.In the spare room.My unconscious habit of impersonating a nocturnal starfish, wasn’t going to be helpful towards MGM’s healing.
So there you have it.
And amazingly, MGM’s recovery is going to be far enough along for me to head to Spain to run the two November Channelling Love Retreats that I’d launched and sold out back in June.Because we’d thought we’d be living there by then!
I have to admit that I’m very, very excited about these retreats… small exclusive groups (at grounded, real deal prices) coming to the Alpujarra to relax into the healing vibes of my channelling and be soothed, revived and inspired by stunning mountain views, organic food and the space to just be.
These retreats will be at the heart of our new Spanish life.
Ilove, love, loveholding space and running retreats! Check them out here… and if you want to make sure you don’t miss out on the upcoming dates early in 2018… then CLICK HERE!
So, come back next week to find out how everything is unfolding. I’ve still to tell you all about the synchronicity that guided us to the Alpujarra in the first place… and I promise there won’t be a gallbladder in sight 🙂
PS Top Tip for energetically cleansing your home:
White sage is the sacred plant traditionally used by the Native American Indians for energetic space clearing, ceremonies, protection and blessings. You can easily buy it online and in holistic shops. It comes as a bundle, and you just light it up so that it smoulders. Take it round each room and fan the smoke (traditionally with an eagle’s feather) into corners, around windows & doors and into all the nooks and crannies of your home.In your mind, hold the intent that the smoke is cleansing away any old & heavy energy, negative emotional and energetic residue and heavier vibrations.
And remember to waft the smoke around you too, to clear your yourself and your aura.
Make this a regular practice and you’ll soon notice the difference in how much lighter your home feels!
This past week has been a full on reality check, wake up call, terrifying, enlightening and humbling experience.The Universe threw the planning rule book out of the window and took the decisions we were trying to make, right out of our hands.
In short… the Universe ramped it up and saved us from ourselves.
This was the week that we were supposed to be arriving in the Spanish Alpujarra, and moving into our new rental home on the outskirts of Orgiva.That was what we had planned, organised and paid deposits for.Except here we are, still in Edinburgh, getting our heads round the fact that our flat hadn’t sold and our plan appeared to be in tatters.
With no enquiries, no visits and no ‘nothing’, My Gorgeous Man and I were finally letting go of our insistence to sell The Flatand had begun investigating various options of short and long term letting.That of course, meant we were also letting go of being able to buy a home in Spain.And that hurt.
It’s not easy to let go of the dream you’ve set in concrete… and as the greatest, strategic planner in the world, MGM was having an internal struggle with this plan, not panning out.
But what happened next, paled those stresses into insignificance and shed some light on the Universe’s way of working things out for us.
This week we’ve been reminded of our mortality.We’ve been shown that anything can change at any given moment… and that a healthy life should not be taken for granted… and life should be lived to the full.
On Sunday 1st October at about 1.30am, My Gorgeous Man woke me up.I wasn’t best pleased as I’d chugged back a considerable amount of wine during Strictly Come Dancing that evening, and I was already in full hangover mode… and in all honesty, still a bit pished.
But he was in agony with abdominal pain.And it was familiar abdominal pain. The gallstones were on the move again.And it was getting worse.Not being a man to complain, he paced the room and debated about calling an ambulance… he couldn’t catch his breath through the pain…we opened windows… tried different positions leaning against furniture… more pacing… but the pain became worse and worse and worse.And I got more frightened.Sir Maxelot (our beloved greyhound) also became increasingly anxious at the unusual night time activity and his Dad’s weird behaviour.But the pain became so intense that 999 was eventually dialled.It took longer than we hoped for the ambulance to arrive… and we strangely noticed how loud and creaky all the flooring was.Every single step throughout our home, elicited a creak. How had we not noticed that before?
It was a tired, lone paramedic that arrived.
I’m embarrassed to say that I can’t remember her name… but she was calm, down to earth and in our eyes… an angel.She wired MGM up, stuck sticky round stickers on him, took stats, machines beeped, papers printed out, lungs checked, temperature taken and yup… without a doubt, he needed morphine. The scale of 1-10 had now reached an 8/ 9.
But she’d forgotten her key card which was essential to gain access to the precious, locked up morphine.She said she was definitely going to get in trouble… but more than that, I could see that she felt terrible that she was unable to help MGM. I really felt for her.
So she called for another ambulance.Except, being a Saturday night all sorts of drunken hell was breaking out on the streets of Edinburgh and there was no availability.While it was reassuring to have her with us, it was also extremely distressing to be so helpless while MGM was struggling with the pain.Pacing, pacing, pacing… leaning… groaning… getting greyer and greyer… colder and clammier.
We waited over 90 minutes… and it felt like 90 years. Turned out MGM’s morphine bearing ambulance had been diverted to a cardiac arrest… so our paramedic angel upgraded her request to the highest priority so no more ambulances would be diverted away.She was adamant.At one point, she almost drove us there herself but it was that awkward 50/50 call of the length of drive versus the ambulance arriving.
Finally we saw the blue lights and we made our way down in the lift to the awaiting carriage.It was being driven by a 12 year old who looked as if he hadn’t slept for 10 of his 12 years.His name was Steve and through his exhaustion, he handed over the vial of morphine to our paramedic and reassuringly said “You’ll be alright now mate” and patted MGM on the shoulder.MGM was oblivious. Violently shaking with cold and shock in the back of the ambulance he lay on the stretcher and gently started to drift away as the morphine began to seep through his veins.Relief at last.
We were off… and while we were en-route our paramedic revealed her naughty streak.Turns out that young Steve has a ‘thing’ about people knocking on the dividing glass while he’s driving.It freaks him out.So both of us were resisting doing exactly that while trying not to giggle at the thought of doing it.Sleep deprivation does weird things to you.I remember it all too well from my days flying the long haul skies during the nights we felt would never, ever end.
As we approached the hospital I started to build myself up and take long deep breaths for courageous calm.As an empath, hospitals are not my favourite place.I feel way too much and if I don’t keep on top of it, I get nauseous, fuzzy and dizzy from the emotional and energetic trauma and pain around me.
I began filling myself up with…
to strengthen my aura and blast it out into our surroundings to dissipate the energetic and emotional Yuk.I was not going to succumb to the Yuk. No Siree, I was going to hold empowered space… not be overwhelmed.Luckily MGM was tripping out on the morphine and totally unaware of my own little challenge.
Our paramedic angels left us in the care of the A&E staff, sighing sighs of relief at not having had to face the ‘scary handover nurse.’They were nearing the end of their shift so they deserved this little respite.
It was a couple of hours after admission, having been parked in the corridor and then upgraded to a cubicle… several rounds of blood pressure cuffs, blood tests, abdominal poking and prodding done… that I started to take an interest in people watching.I couldn’t help but be transfixed by the young girl opposite, looking very much worse for wear but who was taking ‘funny face’ selfies of herself and her boyfriend who was puking his guts up into a hospital cardboard pot. Most cubicles had their curtains open and they were filled with a mix of old souls suffering… and incoherent drunks.I shined my light as bright as I could so I didn’t have to feel any of it.Best not to look too much, after all.
Finally, a doctor confirmed that it was gallstones.
And then the on call surgical doctor appeared. He swished back the curtain and stood in front of us like a God.Young, tall, fit, good looking and blonde… with confidence and charisma oozing out of him.He knew his stuff alright and his manner made us feel secure, seen and safe.We both felt like naughty children in his presence. I so wished I hadn’t just pulled on my mucky dog walking clothes and left last night’s mascara vaguely smudged around my eyes.My eyes actually felt like piss holes in the snow and it was obvious I’d been on the lash.All 3 glasses of Pinot Grigio.It might as well have been 3 bottles by the way I was feeling.My vanity took a big bashing in that moment.
“I’ll sort it all out for you”the Hot Doc said.His well educated voice boomed out, “You’ll get a scan at the emergency clinic today and an appointment with the consultant and you’ll probably be put on the list for surgery.There’s about a 2-3 month waiting list.”
“Ok,” we meekly nodded, all swept up in his all-powerful Doctor presence.“And seeing as your pain is easing, you can go home now if you wish, rather than wait in this environment till your appointment.”He shook our hands and off he swept.
And off home we went too.By taxi… with my illegal limits of el cheapo vino blanco still slopping its way through my system.God I felt awful. It was still pitch dark and we sat together in a silent ‘WTF just happened’ stupor in the back of the black cab with the heater on full blast. It was frikking freezing.
It was about 5am when we opened our front door… only to find a distraught Sir Maxelot had torn his duvet bed to shreds.That’s his thing when he’s upset.I tidied it up and brought him into the bedroom with us for some much needed shuteye.I eventually got a smidgen of sleep before his morning pee-stop was due.God, I really wanted a door opening out onto a garden.Not 2 lots of security doors and a lift down 4 floors and a walk to the nearest patch of grass.
Spain… oh, Spain where are you?! Our awaiting rental has a garden…. and a pool… and lots of trees for Sir Maxelot to investigate.
The rest of Sunday was a bit of a sleep deprived and hungover blur.I had to go and check out our Airbnb guests and clean the flat (this is the flat that’s not selling)… and remain there for the open sales viewing in the afternoon… which nobody turned up to. Sigh.
MGM had got the call and gone to his scan (which showed a giant 8mm stone) and came back saying they’d offered him surgery there and then.It was all a bit of a shock and his sleep deprived mind couldn’t think straight.He had been set on doing another couple of gall bladder flushes that naturally help release gallstones, and despite what had just happened, it could be months before another episode.So, as he hadn’t gleefully jumped onto the operating table right then, the consultant gave him a phone number in case of further emergency. And that was that.
Or so we thought.The excruciating pain came back with a vengeance.God dammit… in the middle of night again.With less than two hours sleep under my belt… and none for MGM because he’d been trying to ignore the rumblings of pain,we were on the phone to NHS 24.Too embarrassed to call an ambulance… we found ourselves caught up in NHS 24 protocols, prompts and procedures… so it was all the same questions, trying to get us to either say we didn’t need an ambulance or yes, we did because we weren’t breathing or were mid heart attack or stroke.I get it though… I really do.
In the end, we were given an emergency appointment with an out of hours GP at 1.30am… back at the hospital we’d spent the previous night in.Again gallstones was confirmed, but, “surgery is preferable between flare ups.”He kindly jabbed some pain relief into MGM’s shoulder and ass… but it didn’t even touch the pain.The decision was made to admit MGM for surgical observation and he was unceremoniously wheel-chaired round to the ward wrapped up in blankets and looking like shit.
The thing with gallstone pain is that it comes and goes.Apparently it’s worse than childbirth… and when it eases, you forget how frikking horrendous it was.
That’s exactly what happened. And a couple of hours later, we went home.AGAIN.
After a quick stint in bed, just long enough to see the dawn arrive… MGM is doubled over with the pain again.It’s now off the richter scale and I’m seriously scared… and MGM is panicking. The surgical emergency number only opened at 9am but we started ringing it non-stop anyway… just in case.I have to leave My Gorgeous Man and take Sir Maxelot out for a pitstop, knowing he was about to be left alone again. There was no point in calling an ambulance because we figured it would be quicker to just drive up there.So we called NHS 24 who took us round in more protocol circles and MGM lost it and shouted “Will someone just make a decision for me!”
Because we hadn’t declared MGM as an emergency and it was now past 8am, we were told to phone our GP because we’re now ‘in hours’.The GP phoned straight back, bypassed the bullshit and said “Just get your ass up to the hospital as quick as you can.” Well, she didn’t say actually say ass… but her urgency inferred it.
With all the runs to the hospitalhaving been in the night, it had given us a false sense of security about it not taking very long to get across the city.But it was now rush hour on Monday morning.With a 20mph speed limit that other drivers were suddenly religiously obeying.Bumpy roads. Road works. Buses.Cars.Buses. Pedestrians.And every frikking moron you could possibly imagine getting in our way and slowing us down.
“We’ll be there soon,”I kept saying,“NO WE WON’T” was barked back at me.
“You’re ok,” I kept saying because I couldn’t think of anything else to say… “I’M NOT OK” was grimaced through gritted teeth back at me.
MGM was past it… and I withdrew further into ultra calm silence.It was the best way for both of us to cope… and for me not to turn to road rage in order to get us to A&E quicker.
I wanted to speed into the A&E drop off area… screech to a halt… throw open doors and scream “SOMEBODY HELP US!!!”But I didn’t.Scottish A&E is about as far removed from the glamorous ER and Grey’s Anatomy as it could possibly be.I just pulled up on the double yellows, said a silent F*ck it… and helped MGM into reception.Papers were thrust into his hands and round the corner we went to the surgical observation ward.
When I returned from parking the car legally… I witnessed my hero of a warrior man become a whimpering animal through his pain.Leaning on the bed… crouching… pacing… shaking…making the most heart wrenching keening sounds… and yet still holding his dignity and respect for the staff.The staff were amazing… but they were avoiding pumping him with morphine until the surgical consult could see him.I especially remember the male student nurse… he deserved the teacher’s gold star for sure.
There was nothing I could do.No words.Reassuring back rubs didn’t cut it.So I just sat and held space.And prayed.
Then wouldn’t you know it… the privacy curtain goes SWIIIIIIISSHHH…. and there stands the Hot Doc in full green surgical kit.Arms crossed, one blonde eyebrow raised… and enjoying every metre of his moral high ground.
“Well… look what we have here!I saw your name and had to come and see you!”
“You turned down the surgery didn’t you… regretting that now eh?!”All said with a twinkling, dagger in his eye.He was making his point… and enjoying it.But through it all, we could tell he cared. He was a gem and he loved his work.
He stayed for a while, chatting about the surgery, saying how MGM was not a typical gall bladder patient but that due to his good health and not being overweight, it should be a breeze for him.
“It never happens you know… getting offered surgery on the same day!”
“If you were my father, I’d be telling you to have the surgery as soon as you can.”
I totally bypassed the whole surgery conversation.FFS! Hot Doc thought my heroic MGM was old enough to be his father!Jeez!That made me old enough to be his mother!Holy Crap… that makes me a cougar for having gone all girly over him.I just prayed that MGM hadn’t clocked ‘the father’ comment.That would be just too cruel.
“I’ll sort all this out for you and the surgeon will be with you soon.”
Hot Doc left us, cheerfully saying over his shoulder “And I don’t want to see you back here again!”SWIIIIIISSHHHHHIIIING the curtain closed, he disappeared off into the depths of his A&E realm.
MGM and I just looked at each other. I didn’t want to verbalise what I’d heard. I mean… did Hot Doc really just say that? Then through MGM’s semi-conscious haze he suddenly re-appeared and very clearly said, “Did that B*astard just say what I think he said??”
Oh dear. He had clocked the father comment afterall. The reality began to sink in.Yes…we are in our 50’s… we are old enough to be his parents.
Even if we don’t feel our age, we must now look it.
The irony was not lost on us and the whole situation took on the scene of a darkly humorous play.And so we laughed… shook our heads… and laughed some more.I mean, what else can you do? At least it distracted MGM from the pain.
And at least I had normal clothes on and fresh mascara… so it really wasn’t the end of the world. It honestly didn’t matter. Much.
The next few hours became a bit of a blur. Intravenous morphine was finally administered and witnessed by 3 nurses.One of them was a great big, bearded bloke with a sparkle in his eye that belied the authority he held over the others.The morphine was injected slowly to monitor MGM’s reaction… and it was described as an ‘Irish dose’ by the surgeon who became our saviour.
MGM was pretty much unaware of what was happening after that.He got transported up to the ward, put into the glamorous backless gown and had plastic bags put over his feet in order to get the surgical stockings on.Damn they were a tight fit.More bloods.More cuffs.More access points.More whirring activity around us.The anaesthetist came up for a chat.She was charming and reassuring and… looked very young.Yup, I was probably old enough to be her mother too.But this was it.MGM was being taken for emergency surgery.That little f*cker was coming out.They said it would be keyhole.They said it was one of the most common surgeries they perform.They said not to worry.More on that next time.
And so the time had come for me to leave him.Nothing more that I could do.It absolutely broke my heart to leave him.All sorts of ‘worst case’ scenarios raced through my mind.Would I see him again?What if the surgery went wrong… what if, what if, what if.I really had to pull myself back from that edge and get a grip.No good comes from that.We didn’t say ‘goodbye’ we just focused on the fact that Sir Maxelot had been on his own for far too long already.No doubt the alarm on his furry little watch would be going mental and his spindly ex-racer legs would be well and truly crossed by now.
I got home in a daze.And it was no surprise to see Max’s duvet torn up again all over the living room floor.That dog and MGM have a bond that transcends species.So I set about making Max feel better, took him out for a quick walk… and finally collapsed on the sofa.
All I could think of was… “Thank God this didn’t happen in Spain.”
Thank you Universe, for delaying the sale of the flat and keeping us here.
You really do know best.
PS.The next, much, much shorter, instalment will bring MGM’s gallbladder escapades to its conclusion… and see the start of my preparations to fly down to Spain to run my November retreats!
If you’ve read this far, then you deserve this meditation as a gift… it’s me taking you through a visualisation to feel the power of your own aura and white light. It’s to help you feel awesomely fabulous!!