What the F*ck just Happened?

A little piece of heaven on earth.

One minute we were flying high on the euphoria of New Year and the next minute it was March and  I’d been pulled through a thick, thorny hedge backwards,  run over by a multitude of tractors… done at least 10 rounds with Mike Tyson and hit the proverbial brick wall.  That’s the truth.  That’s how Spring landed with me in Spain.

So what happened?  The answer is simple.  I was surviving the shifts of my own exhaustion and self sabotage.

It was somewhere towards the middle of January when I realised that I was actually very, very tired and not actually doing that well.  I LOVE my work as a channel and healer  And I LOVE living in Spain.  But in the spirit of Namaste This sharing only the ‘real deal’… the pressure of being a self employed one woman show and moving into a new life, in a new country and settling into the powerful energy of this land, had taken its toll.

By me baring my soul to you today, I guess I’m burning away the illusions that so many people have around what real life and ‘success’ as a light leader actually looks like… just as the Star Beings burn away the illusions that we live within which keep us out of our hearts, power and truth.

The biggest challenge over the last couple of months has actually been my own mindset… and I’ll be the first one to raise my hand and admit it.

The thing with being self employed with no back up plan, is that it’s all down to you.  And being self employed with a wuwu gift that isn’t necessarily on ‘Joe Bloggs’ list of life’s essentials… makes it even harder.  Generally people will choose their nights out on the town, Starbucks and new shoes, over their own emotional and spiritual well being.

So you have to work all the harder to be visible… to share your wares… to show up so people can connect with you and hear your message…

and consistently radiate your message…
and consistently radiate your message…
and consistently radiate your message…
and consistently radiate your message…
and learn about funnels…
learn the tech of funnels….
build a frikking funnel…
and consistently radiate your message…
and learn about social media and the ever changing challenge of Facebook algorithms…
and consistently radiate your message…
and create attractive ways for people to enjoy your ‘way out there’ and seemingly impossible healing to prove that you’re not making it all up and that they would really benefit from receiving it.
And then keep on showing up…
and showing up…
and showing up…
and showing up…
even when you feel you can’t show up anymore and have no more ideas on how to even show up anymore…
and then show up again.


My Gorgeous Man has always said that ‘Being Different & Doing it Differently’ was never going to be easy… because what I do, isn’t being ‘done’ anywhere else or by anyone else.  So effectively, I feel like I’ve been knocking on doors and cold selling myself and the Star Beings to the world, non stop for the last 3 years… and on top of that, actually doing all the deep channelling work for the beautiful souls who have discovered the power and benefits of Channelling Love. 

The ironic thing is that in December I shared an in-person channelling for 2 amazing souls who are world famous channels themselves and after they had immersed in the vibrational presence of the Star Beings they said that I was one the most genuine and powerful channels they’d ever met and experienced.  Pia received an instantaneous healing on her damaged wrist and Cullen’s trusted pocket watch stopped at the time the Star Beings came through.

Testimonial from PIa & Cullen
Testimonial Love

It’s truly amazing to receive the feedback and to be a unique channel… but it’s everything else around my innate gift, that has been such a drain and challenge.

It’s all taken a MAHOOOSIVE amount of energy, trust, will power, determination, downright stubbornness and an inexplicable belief in the Star Beings… along with a weird sense of not actually knowing how to give up… even through all my rallying, and self indulgent tears. 

The Star Beings never give up though… they always show up.  They chose me all those years ago.  I didn’t go looking for them…  I didn’t really even know what channelling was until I went to live in Brazil and ironically ended up as a psychic healer in a channelling circle.  I didn’t go on a course to learn how to do this… and I still don’t ‘know’ how I actually do it.

But I do know why. 

It’s to bring a higher vibration and multi-dimensional healing and awakening to all the souls who want to shift the shit out of their 3D life.  It’s my purpose.

But over the past couple of months… I have to admit that I’ve ‘given up’ every frikking day.  I’ve sobbed, hiccuped, stifled more sobs, taken deep breaths and sobbed some more… and said I can’t go on.  I’ve rallied against the injustices of trying to make a basic living doing something I love, while corporate crooks swim in their pools of cash.  I’ve rallied against all the fluffy, superficial, spiritual flakes that seem to be able to bring in the bucks and pay their bills… while I’ve not managed to make ends meet.  I’ve felt sick at the thought of livestreaming.  I’ve dreaded going onto Facebook to remain positive and uplifting, while being faced with everyone else who is apparently ‘making it’… when all I’ve wanted to do is just crawl into a quiet corner and lick my self pitying wounds.  I’ve wished I’d never stopped serving chicken and beef at 29,000 ft.  I’ve wished My Gorgeous Man’s international company hadn’t restructured and made his role redundant.  Oh how I’ve wished so many times that I could just give up.

But without fail… every single time I’ve Given Up in my head… there’s still been a whiff of a hopeful flicker in my heart and in swoops the Universe dangling another carrot in front of me.  It may have been as little as someone Liking or Loving a post on my Facebook business page… or messaging me to say thank you… but these seemingly little things are worth more than gold bullion and a secret stash of Bitcoins to me… because it’s the proof that I am actually making a difference to people’s lives after all.  The message is getting through.

Now don’t get me wrong… living in Spain, while diving into the depths of self sabotage and lack, has been an absolute life saver.  Seeing the sun shining out of a clear blue sky… looking out over stunning mountain views… finding a great yoga class… meeting new friends and detaching from conditioned and controlled living.  All of this and more, has absolutely supported me in keeping on keeping on.

My Gorgeous Man and our beloved Sir Maxelot.
My Gorgeous Man and our beloved Sir Maxelot.

And I am doubly blessed, as I have the awesomeness of My Gorgeous Man and our beloved Sir Maxelot.  They have, without a doubt, saved my sanity… and in reality it’s probably pushed theirs to the edge.  MGM seriously deserves worldwide acclaim and recognition for his huge bear hugs, his belief in me, his patience, his gorgeous hunky broad shoulders, his gift in building roaring fires on cold nights, his unending patience with my ability to create a tech disaster from simply pressing one single key on my laptop, his generosity in taking care of the mundane and in staying strong when my Big Brave Goddess Pants just fell right down round my ankles.

When we drove from Scotland to our new home in Spain at the end of November 2017, we started out in an outwardly cute little holiday cortijo… with a secure garden for our unsociable rescue greyhound.  It was owned by an open hearted landlady who brought us her homegrown fruit and homemade jams and we had that stunning view of the mountain.  But as the weeks rolled on, the cracks appeared as we continued to live out of suitcases… had to create a one way system around the tiny living area…were seriously challenged with the random electricity black outs if we used 2 rings on the cooker and dared to have a light on in the living room… the occasional ‘Sh*t!  There’s no water!’ shut offs… a chimney that smoked us out when the wind got up (it gets very windy up here in the mountains!)… and an internet connection that simply didn’t support working on line. 

The cute little cortijo that felt smaller than its gorgeous swimming pool.
Our first Spanish Cortijo!

The pressure just built up and up. My channellings had to be done in one spot in the garden where my mobile could generally hold a strong enough signal for livestreams… and I found it increasingly hard to fully detach because my ego- mind would torment me from the sidelines whispering… “Open your eyes and check the connection!”  I had to create my ‘sacred office’ space, with my tripod, phone, laptop, candle,  Palo Santo Holy wood… blankets, hot water bottles, fairy lights, cup of tea and toast, water, music, headphones… in fact my whole ‘Goddess Cave” set up had to be built every time.  And I had to pray that the neighbour’s noisy dog wouldn’t bark… the landlord’s husband wouldn’t rev up his super loud chainsaw… or the other neighbour wouldn’t leave his car engine running.

Channelling Love's Garden Office.
My Garden Office!

But not once have the Star Beings let me down.  Every time I wobbled… they’ve come through stronger and more definitively than before… and reminded me of my LOVE of what I do… and also of the incredible healing that comes through them for others.

Looking back on it… I can almost laugh, because it doesn’t sound that bad… and the garden office was rather pretty… but everything just felt a massive pressure all round.

But the Universe had a plan.  And it was a plan that would scream YES to our hearts and freak the heck out of our heads… again. 

We were told we would have to leave our Cortijo at the end of March. 

Now this filled us with both relief at the thought of a new home and yet the dread of trying to find a long term rental in an area that is generally geared towards expensive short term summer lets.

Long story short.  The Universe brought us a fabulous home through synchronistic meetings and new found friends.  We originally discounted it, as it was beyond the Star Being’s present income, yet we were weirdly compelled to go and see it anyway, making the excuse that it would be good to see how much more of a house you got for your hard earned bucks.   

By surrendering into trust you disempower the normal beliefs around life's challenges, and empower yourself through Love.
Words from the Star Beings of Channelling Love.

Well, another long story short… our hearts were ‘sold’ at the garden gate and our minds were made up one step in through the front door.  Without the other knowing, we had both silently resolved to somehow make it work.  It was a mutual F*ck It moment and another leap of faith. 

We both believed and trusted that it was meant to be and so…. we signed the lease.

And on Sunday 25th February 2018, we moved in… and we truly feel as if we’ve come home.  We have finally landed and we have… wait for it…. unpacked.  And I have an office space again!   YAY!

Our New Home!
Our New Home!

Admittedly, we crashed emotionally and felt wiped out… but oh so warm and fuzzy on the inside.  We started to release the stress we’d been holding… and we allowed ourselves to admit that our first couple of months in Spain had been a bit of a ride to say the least. 

We kept looking at each other saying “I can’t believe we’re here!”
“I love this house!”
“OMG… we’ve done it!  We’ve frikking done it!”

Moving into our new home, has also started to shift a lot of the ‘shite’ I have been drowning myself in.  Moving house isn’t just about packing up and then unpacking somewhere else… it’s a hugely underestimated energetic and emotional shift.  I even shared a livestream on how to ground your energy … which was inspired by our own need to land and ground our presence into our new home.

I’m now able to see the good stuff over the challenges… I have space to relax… I can work properly again and get back to sharing Channelling Love Webinars… and I have so many ideas for my YouTube channel now that we have a real, grown up internet connection again.  My Gorgeous Man is no longer dodging the random bullets fired out from emotional meltdowns.  He can finally take his flack jacket off.

So as I write this… I’m actually in a coveted aisle seat on a Ryanair flight after returning to Scotland for a whirlwind week of Channelling Love Circles and family visits.  It broke my heart to leave our new home so soon after moving in… but my God my heart is bursting as every minute flies me closer to being reunited with MGM, our grumpy dog… and our new home.

This is where our new life really feels like it’s beginning. And I am publicly declaring to myself and all who read my blog… that my self sabotaging patterns of lack are being laid to rest.  I am going to walk my talk and do the inner work needed so that our little family can thrive in this beautiful world… thrive in our new home… thrive in joy and abundance… and thrive in peace.  No longer will I be controlled by the programming and conditioning born of lack and fear.

Words from the Star Beings of Channelling Love - "Your reality is the one you choose to align with."
Words from the Star Beings of Channelling Love.

Join me next time as I share the real deal stories from behind the scenes of my channelling week in Scotland… and the latest from our new home… and my exciting expansion into creating bespoke Spanish Retreats for coaches, light leaders, healers and heart-led tribes.






PS.  Join my HEART of HEALING Facebook group and enjoy the grounding healing I shared after we moved into our new home!

Come and join me in The HEART of HEALING!
Just click on the image!