Truth, Tears, Dodgy Knees and Gratitude!

So…. here’s a summary of my journey over the last 5 weeks… or so.. because really I haven’t got a clue what day it is… and now I’m not sure that I even want to know… take it with a pinch of salt, a good few grains of truth and a dose of dark humour… because sometimes we just have to laugh our way through these exciting, crazy, challenging and transformational times on earth…

Spain locks down… and they mean it… initial selfish horror at not being allowed to go out… what about my coffee and donuts… what about my sanity saving yoga classes… what about my summer fun at the Orgiva Tea Gardens… what about getting to the laundrette because we don’t have a washing machine… what am I going to do all day?… I’m going to go mad… I hate being told what to do… I hate being limited… nobody can tell me what to do… I won’t be locked up (says the drama queen living like a hermit on the side of a mountain)… online local and international fabulous community kicks in… we’ve got this… we’re in this together… we’ve got the internet… we’ve got each other… we’ve got zoom and Whatsapp… we got the miracles and evils of Facebook…. calm returns… acceptance comes in…. Netflix is turned on… pizza is eaten…. and el cheapo cava is drunk…  inspired action flies in… art… writing… artycrafty things… amazing kids’ projects (I don’t have kids but wow… some of these parents are superbly creatively and inventively awesome)….  we’ve deffo got this!… what a gift this home time is…. we can breathe… we can just be… we don’t have to DO… Oh My God… I can slow down…. I don’t have to run around doing… wow… this is great… I love my fluffy daytime pjs… I feel amazing powerful positive energy… we are healing the world… we are holding our high vibe lane… I know it’s challenging but this is the catalyst for a new world!…  being out on the mountain and breathing in freedom and feeling the world shift through love and connection… all is well…. all is more than well…. I’m loving this…. OMG…. I am absolutely loving this…. Oh Shit… people are unsubscribing… shit… I’m losing work… shit…. I’m losing what little income we have… My Gorgeous Man has lost potential work… what are we going to live off… the fear spiral begins…. thank goodness el cheap cava is only €2 a bottle…. get a grip… calm down… you’re ok Sally… breathe…. drum…. drum harder… drum some more… you can’t control this… you’ll be ok…. Ashtanga yoga on Youtube… I imagine myself looking like that gorgeous slim bendy body as I pull back the rugs to lay out my fluorescent yellow mat….  I happily tie myself in knots and dream of my heels touching the down dog floor…. in front of the cooker….  while Sir Maxelot and My Gorgeous Man look on in fascinated disbelief… we live in one room so there’s no escape… it feels good… it calms… it opens and balances my body… is it wrong to be so content to be in your pjs the whole day?…the grey clouds cover the mountain tops and the rain comes in… being outside in nature isn’t much of a comfortable option anymore…. but the snow capped mountains are admittedly stunning… so… more falsely comforting el cheapo cava… more Netflix… home baked scones become a fascination… and challenge… MGM makes rock cakes… and we eat them… just because…. third time lucky with baking powder… yum… I’m getting fat… let’s make more scones…. oooooh… there’s a rave dance party on Facebook… headphones in… sports bra on… wild dancing… hopping… waving… jigging… reliving my younger rave years… music… oh my god I love music…. blasting out my headphones… Armin Ban Burren is da man!…. blissful in the beats and a dancing nutter to all outsiders…. uplifted… exhausted… and in need of more cava… but mostly bed… wake up next morning and my menopausal joints are f*cked… can hardly walk… ooops…. shit…. move less… calm the F down… more drumming on the mountains… creating drumming video clips… inspired healings… new energy and light language flows…. the energy is shifting and deepening… but oh shit… more work lost… panic… terror… despondency… and big black rabbit holes…. what’s the point… how are we going to survive… tears…. lots of tears… more tears…. self pity… drama… oh poor me… I can’t do this anymore… more el cheapo cava and soothing Netflix crime drama…. desperate messages to friends who pick me up and kick my ever increasingly wobbly ass… find gratitude… focus on the positive… get a grip… feel what you feel but don’t attach… come on… it’s not that bad… el cheapo is only €2… eat more crisps…. make more scones… follow your flow… don’t force… don’t push… don’t panic… inspired action… follow your heart…. I offer special discounted offers on my offerings and oh how wonderful… some subscriptions come in… breathe…. gratitude… gratitude… gratitude… oh my God… thank you…. think about juicing to reduce the rapidly increasing middle aged spread… supermarket runs looking like a highway man… doing the distance trolley dance while searching for self raising flour…. incredible, cloudy atmospheric sunsets… oh how I love these mountains… yoga impossible… walking allowed… knees… still pretty fucked… sneaky illegal but socially distant and compliant visit to my beloved naturopath… tissue salts… homeopathic magic… understanding… compassion… and ‘stop pissing about Sally and look after your body’…. ok… I hear you…. more thoughts about juicing and alkalising… but when it’s rainy and cold I just want pizza… and crisps… salt’n’vinegar crisps… and bags full of veggies for juicing for just me… means extra costs…. so more self denial and sabotage… but it’s ok because I’ll juice before lockdown ends… I know I will… I definitely will… I’ll emerge like a slender toned butterfly… no one will ever know the inner torture of my spare tyres… except if they read this… and realise that I’m only human and we’re all in the same boat… acceptance…. let go… surrender… allow…. energy picks up… healings shared…. channellings empowered…. the Star Beings ramp it up… and my little membership group feels the energy shift… we’re a go again… tears of joy… tears of love… tears of gratitude… yay!… more el cheapo cava…. seeing the good… stepping back from social media… it’s too busy… too pressured… too much forced trying… too much forced positivity… too much conditioned fear and social programming…. too much disempowering drama… too many conspiracy theories… just too much all round…. but I still read…. I learn… I feel…. and I follow what is right for me…. nope… don’t want to play there just now… peace… stillness.. quiet…. breathe with Mother Earth… my power comes from presence, not participating and following the crowd… bucks fizz for breakfast… naps in the afternoon…. listen to the birds…. the bee eaters and swallows have returned for the summer… bird song fills the air… when the rain stops… seriously grateful for the rain… even though wood for our wood burner stove is costing a weekly fortune… but comfort is our priority… I want to write…. yes… I want to write… it’s time for the book to be born… Namaste This… our story…. our adventures… our leaps of faith and WTF truths… mornings on the roof (when it’s dry) with the laptop… words come… I write…. words don’t come… I go for a gentle wander… nature… Mother Earth is my friend… my sister… my mother… my soul mate… part of me… I look to the heavens and say ‘WTF’…. and then notice an ant on the track just getting on with life… get out of your head Sally and back into your heart… and breathe…. write… channel… drum…. follow your joy… follow the good stuff…. listen to your intuition… listen your body…. yes… juicing definitely starts tomorrow… do what’s right for you… just one more glass of el cheapo cava then…. and maybe another batch of scones this afternoon 💜

We’ve got this… 

Love,