WTF Just Happened – Part 3 – The Homeless Aftermath

The beauty of Orgiva and Sierra Lujar mountain.

So there I was in an overly emotional, exhausted heap, My Gorgeous Man was in Hong Kong keeping up his residency and looking for work… and from opposite sides of the world we were both hanging in the “Where the F*ck are we going to live,” limbo.

The next day, Alix our landlady, invited me over for a late lunch and a good few slugs of wine.  She gave me a bit of hope by saying that we should approach the new owner and officially ask if we could rent the casita.  So I wrote an email and she forwarded it to the estate agents to be passed on.  There was perhaps hope after all… and through her unending positivity, I found myself believing that we were saved and actually moving into her casita.  Phew.  Alix’s fabulous, unconventional, rebellious and non conformist company had really lifted my spirits.

But back in the cortijo and on my own again later that evening, I found myself crying my heart out. I rallied against the injustices.  I resisted accepting what had happened.  I allowed the full force of my totally unreasonable jealousy and resentment to surface that the new owner had come out of her divorce and bought her dream home, seemingly, ‘ just like that’… while I had lost EVERYTHING after making that horrendous but very necessary decision to Ieave my marriage, my whole life and my beloved Brazil.  My heart’s spiritual home.

I was so angry at the Universe.  I felt betrayed. 

Recreio Beach in Rio de Janeiro
Brazilian Beach LIfe in Rio de Janeiro…

MGM was back in Hong Kong having a great time catching up with friends albeit while on the look out for work opportunities… and I fell into the pit of martyrdom and self pity.

Following my frikking heart was looking anything but a dream. We were going to be homeless, we were struggling to make ends meet, I’d been feeling increasingly ill for the last couple of months and everyone in the whole wide world was having a better time than me. 

My black hole felt very black indeed.
And I couldn’t even be arsed to do the washing up.
And I love washing up.
Weird but true.
But that’s how rotten I felt.

Something had to shift… and I knew I was the one that had to help myself.  Nothing changes if you don’t change first.   

So  I reached out to a local healer who works with tissue salts…  and she booked me in for a couple of days time.  She had worked miracles with Sir Maxelot’s arthritis and I really felt she was the one that I could open up to and trust.

And as my hero of an MGM had cut his trip short to come home and help with the “Oh My God we’re going to be homeless” situation,  he was to arrive back that same morning. 

Things were looking up.  Only 2 days to wait.

That day eventually dawned.  But before I could go and see the healer… and then drive the 90 minutes down the road to pick up MGM from Malaga Airport… there was a humungous f*ck up with MGM’s staff travel ticket and it didn’t look like he would be able to get back to Spain, after all…. even though he had enjoyed a ‘freebie’ business class seat all the way from Hong Kong to Heathrow. 

The Big Bird that brought MGM home from Honkers...
The Big Bird that brought MGM home from Honkers…

At not even 6am, the furtive flurry of highly stressed messages, expletives, calls, lost patience and desperation began.  One of the ‘perks’ of having worked 23 years for an airline… is cheap flights and a bonus ‘freebie’ every year.  Except, the reality is that it’s a frikking lottery and it becomes the survival of the fittest for whoever has the highest unload priority to get that all important seat.  It wasn’t helped that morning by increasingly fed up ground staff making him feel the lowest of the low for being a staff travel passenger in the first place.  When staff travel works, it’s absolutely amazing… but when it doesn’t, it can be sheer hell. 

So out came the credit card again and I bought a whole new staff booking and the further hell began for MGM to wait till the last minute to see if there was a spare seat left after check-in closed to the public.

It’s hard to believe that I spent over 13 years using staff travel tickets to commute to my Heathrow flying base while I lived between Brazil and Scotland.  I thought nothing of it back then.  “Bit like getting on a bus,” I used to say.  But during those heady years I was generally top of the priority list… and there was an unspoken allegiance between staff to help each other.  Corporate games have changed all of that and staff moral is now in tatters.  It’s heartbreaking to witness the downward slide after having lived through the best of the ‘good ole days.’

Anyway, I couldn’t bear to tell MGM that during all the stress of ‘flights, no flights, your ticket isn’t valid from Gatwick and the flight is full anyway.’…. that Alix had phoned and dropped the bombshell that the new owner had categorically said a final “NO” to us renting the casita. 

She was so upset for us that she’d actually put the phone down on me. 

My stomach had lurched, a wave of awfulness moved through me and then I just went numb.

By 10am MGM messaged me to say that the ‘staff travel angels’ had stepped in and he had no idea how, but he was on the flight to Malaga after all.

Phew.  YES!!! 

Thank you Angels!!!  

You see… miracles do still happen!

When you shift your mindset... miracles are your new reality...
When you shift your mindset… miracles are your new reality…

At 10.30am I was sitting in front of the healer saying ‘that I’d had enough’ and was holding back the tears as I spilled the beans on all my physical, emotional and mental goings on.  She sat there nodding with a little smile on her face… while I tried to say that I think it’s adrenal fatigue because that’s what Google says and I feel sick at the thought of going on social media.  But she turned round and said


“You are the perfect age and those are the classic symptoms.”

“You need to change your life.”

Fuck Me.  On top of everything else… I’m now old too.

51 years old on paper… but so not ready to accept being 51.


She was however concerned about the state of my nervous system and gave me remedies to take there and then, ‘on the house.’  “Emergency help,” she said.  I left there with a rather large collection of remedies and supplements… everything to help alleviate the anxiety, fatigue, depression, headaches, weight gain, brain fog and all the other stuff that I hadn’t told anyone else about.

And then off I drove to Malaga… in a haze… with Google Maps leading the way. 

It was a good drive and I felt such relief in feeling the healer’s support and for receiving the help for my rather ragged state of being.  I breathed in the stunning mountain scenery, blue sky, warm sun and sheer gratitude for living in Spain….  and for just not being back in the oppressive greyness of Scotland.   

Sierra Lujar... the mountain that captured my heart in the Spanish Alpujarras.
Sierra Lujar… the mountain that captured my heart in the Spanish Alpujarras.

AND my knight in shining armour would soon be landing and waiting for me at the airport.  WOOHOOOO!

“Find the gratitude,” I kept telling myself. 

Gratitude shifts the shitty vibes!

MGM had landed safely and we agreed to meet at Starbucks… even though neither of us felt like having one.  He was exhausted and venting off about the staff travel calamity and stress… while I was holding it together wondering when I was going to tell him we definitely didn’t have a home, after telling him that we may well have a home, just the day before.

He offered to drive.  I protested, but he won.  And we drove out of the airport straight into the heavy Malaga traffic which certainly did neither of our stress levels any good.

I probably shouldn’t have told him about Alix’s phone call while we were stuck nose to tail in a traffic jam with the usual crazy Spanish drivers not using rear view mirrors and just doing whatever the hell they wanted.  But it just blurted out.  And then he got told that his Hot Hostie girlfriend was turning into a crusty old woman… so that didn’t help his mood much either.  It’s no wonder we took a wrong turn and then got caught up in even worse traffic desperately fighting our way around a mega roundabout… just to go all the way back to the last exit, to come all the way back again… and totally losing our sense of direction and simply not trusting what the Google BEEEATCH was telling us to do.

It took us a lot longer to get ‘home’ than we anticipated.  A lot longer.  And we vowed to remember that we don’t turn off at that turn off… ever, ever again.  Ever.

Once ‘home’ MGM passed out and I watched more Vera.

We resigned ourselves to extensive property searches online and set up a great big positive vision board above the fireplace with lots of pictures to reflect our dream home… with a very specific list of what we wanted right now.  And of course, the abundance to make it all happen.

Seriously amazing 'spaceship' clouds over the Cortijo...
Seriously amazing ‘spaceship’ clouds over the Cortijo…

Two days after MGM arrived home the new owner turns up to measure out the house, despite already having been given the paper plans.  I couldn’t face her… but MGM is the perfect gent and helps her out and is friendly, open and good company…. even though on the inside he’s just as devastated as me.  But maybe, just maybe making a good impression might help to change her mind about having us as tenants.  He even lent her his measuring tape, opened the unopenable door to the storage space below and laughed his way through it all… while  I just hid behind the swimming pool trees with Sir Maxelot… still rampant with jealousy and not trusting myself to meet and greet.  I’ve never been able to hide my feelings… something that my dear departed Dad always worried about.

After about half an hour, she happily skipped across the garden, slipped through the bushes and headed to Alix’s casita… where we predicted she would be ripped a new a-hole for turning up unannounced and for having accessed our ‘home’ without prior appointment.  Alix is hugely protective of privacy and not afraid to speak her mind.  We loved her for that.  So we were super surprised to hear the next day, that they had actually cracked open a bottle of wine and put the world to rights.  And our Alix, had again put forward the case for keeping us as long term tenants in the casita.

The new owner had said she would sleep on it… because she had friends and family she wanted to stay there.  She would let us know her decision the next day.

It was a very, very long 24 hours… and we desperately tried not to get our hopes up… again.

She eventually turned up later in the afternoon and after securing Sir Maxelot inside, we sat around the garden table to hear our fate.

And she offer us tenancy!

OMG! We could hardly believe our ears! 

We had a home!

It was that evening when we told Alix the good news that she let slip that the new owner had gushed over the white wine at how impressed she was with My Gorgeous Man… and that ‘He had made smoothie with her!’   Knowing that there wasn’t a nutri-bullet in sight, we came to the conclusion that it was a German saying that had got a bit mixed up in translation.  But it was My Gorgeous Man that had saved our asses and secured us a home.  He had been able to overcome his own upset and anxiety to try and make a shitty situation better.  There’s a lesson in there for all of us. 

That’s my MGM.  Damn, this man is my hero.

And we had a home again!

For the next 6 months!

And we definitely had a home if we were willing to move into the casita in 3 days time when the sale paperwork was completed. 

The Casita! Our third home in 4 months!
The Casita! Our third home in 4 months!

We were saved in one breath and pushed out of our dream home earlier than expected, in the next.

I guess it was the Universe’s version of ripping off the ‘moving house plaster’ and just making it all happen straight away.

I had to drop all my judgements and personal issues… and move into gratitude.

I hugged her tight… looked her in the eye and thanked her from the bottom of my heart.  

It was only then that I began to see our similarities… the non conformist, creative and empath… living life in the moment and just … going for it!  The Universe was up to its magical tricks again!

Love is the greatest healer of all.
Love Heals…

The next couple of days were a bit of a blur… we started tidying up and packing but with no contract or anything officially confirmed we were running on pure good faith.

It was now time to pull our energy back and emotionally leave the house… and pack up my crystals. 

Monday 2nd April dawned.  It was THE day.  The day for the sale to finalise and for Alix to leave for her new life in Palma… and for us to move into the casita.

And that’s what I’ll share in my next instalment… because we simply couldn’t have made up the hysterical dramas of our third Moving Day.

Here’s to living the dream…





PS.  If you come on my Channelling Love Retreat in June or my collaborative Yoga & Meditation Retreat with Anya in September 2018, then you’ll drive right past the Casita and Cortijo!  I wonder if we’ll still be living there by then!

And if your body is calling out for yoga & healing meditation in the sun… check out my new September retreat… I’m very excited indeed!  Anya is an amazing yoga teacher and we’ll be combining the physical practice of Vinyasa Flow & Yin Yoga with healing meditations to take you further into your heart and truth… as well as the delights of chilling, relaxing and enjoying the bliss of staying in a gorgeously renovated cortijo up in the mountains… and not forgetting the nutritious delicious delights from our personal in-house chef!
9th – 15th September 2018

Only 547 Euros Early Bird price till 1st June!
Click on the image for further information and booking link 🙂

Yoga & Meditation Retreat with myself and Anya.
Yoga & Meditation Retreat with myself and Anya.

What the F*ck just Happened – Part 2

FFS Universe… you move us in to our new dream home… let us fall in love with it, settle in and believe we’re starting a positive new Spanish chapter… and then you turf us out just weeks later.  Just WTF is going on?

After a really shitty January and February (as shared in my last blog) where I was questioning everything and struggling with my mindset and a deep physical and emotional fatigue… we really thought our new home heralded a brand new beginning on all levels.

We had moved in at the end of February… and within a week I was flying back to Scotland on pure adrenaline to share a mini tour of Channelling Love Circles that had been arranged for quite a while.  It was amazing, exhausting and wonderful to share the healing circles.

Channelling Love Circles in Peebles and Dundee... and the lovely Philip Martin who is my right hand man for my new Spanish Retreats!
Channelling Love Circles in Peebles and Dundee… and the lovely Philip Martin who is my right hand man for my new Spanish Retreats!


It was especially wonderful to spend time with my bestie Jenny who nursed me through a migraine, let me snore on her sofa, drove me to and from the Dundee Channelling Circles, cried with me over chick flicks and let me fall in love with Oscar, her new dalmation puppy.


Besties and puppy Oscar!
Besties and puppy Oscar!

But the truth is that I landed back home in Spain in even more of a heap… and I only had a few days to rest, pull myself together and prepare for hosting March’s Spanish Retreat… which had also been arranged for months.

I really had over scheduled myself and I was struggling physically and emotionally to keep going… but being in the new house, was part of what helped me keep going… and also having my other bestie Jo, staying with us to help with the retreat, was also a massive boost… plus the ever present strength of my MGM.  I was one very lucky but very knackered wuwu Goddess.

The retreat was magical… the Star Beings came through as always with their huge force of love, healing and transformation and it was humbling to see the shifts that the women moved through.

I LOVE my work. 

And I LOVE holding these retreats

The emails I’ve since received from 2 of the women, remind me why I do what I do… and why I keep doing what I do.

Blessed by a rainbow appearing right behind us just as we finished creating a healing earth mandala on the last day of the retreat!
Blessed by a rainbow appearing right behind us just as we finished creating a healing earth mandala on the last day of the retreat!

Channelling Love, helps heal lives.

But in the back of my mind I kept saying…. “I’ll be able to rest up after the retreat finishes,”…. “I’ll be able to lie on the sofa in that lovely comfy living room… enjoy the gardens… enjoy the views… sit out on the terrace with a cuppa… relax…. recover… focus on me for a bit…. truly land, settle and set down my roots in the cortijo’s lovely energy”

Turned out that I couldn’t and wouldn’t. 

In the days that followed the retreat, a whole new level of emotional turmoil unfolded.

We had always known that the dream cortijo we had moved into was for sale.  It had been up for sale for at least 7 years and the general consensus was that it wasn’t going to budge.  So we felt pretty secure.

The owner was an amazing, retired, English, eccentric soul.  She had lived in Spain for many, many years, become a Sufi, brought up her children alone in the Cortijo and she had been one of the first pioneer expats to settle in the area.  She lived the high life in her early years, turned her back on it, survived the struggles, faced her demons and moved through the tough times… and now being of the age where mortality looms and a great big property becomes a burden, she was looking to secure her future through selling her land, the cortijo and the small casita she lived in next door.  We had became very, very fond of her very quickly.

Her life stories were the stuff that books are made of.

So when there was a flurry of house viewings within our first 2 weeks, we were a bit shocked to say the least.

And on the third week after our arrival, when one of the viewers, charged across the garden to shake our hand while we sat outside with Sir Maxelot … it was like our home had been violated and both My Gorgeous Man and I felt our stomachs drop.  This was different.  When we later spied her through our kitchen window, throwing her arms around our landlady and squealing with delight… we knew our gorgeous new home had been sold.  And we were proved right.

A stunning sunset over our dream cortijo...
A stunning sunset over our dream cortijo…

The next day we received the call from Alix, asking to meet for a coffee and to talk about our situation.  She brought muffins with her… not a good sign we thought.  In all honesty, they were as tough as old boots… just as she had wryly warned us.  But not wanting to lose our home we chewed patiently on them with a polite smile.  At least she hadn’t baked them.

She will never know how much we wanted to be able to make her a better offer… but as we are still living our life on a wing and a prayer, we could only share our congratulations and hugs for her success and cry silently on the inside for our own loss.

The next day, we signed the legal document serving us 8 weeks notice.  We had till 20th May to find a new home.

I decided that I couldn’t keep up the positive and uplifting presence on social media and within my free Facebook group The HEART of HEALING, so I shared a livestream there saying that I needed some space… and then went dark.  It was a huge relief to step back.

It turned out that the new owner was on a mission to move and she wanted in by the 2nd April.  That gave Alix just over a week to pack up her family home of 30 years and leave.  And she agreed to it.  It was easier to just get on with it.

She was however, genuinely feeling very uncomfortable about our situation so we asked her if she thought there was a chance that the new owner would like us as tenants in the casita.  Alix said there might be.  But we received a flat, in person ‘No’ when the new owner unexpectedly turned up on our doorstep the next day…  and our hearts sank as the realisation hit that we would be house hunting in the run up to the crazy summer months of very profitable short term holiday lets.

So there I was, struggling through what I thought was exhaustion with the chronic symptoms of adrenal fatigue… and the prospect of now not having any down time but instead having to find the energy to find a new home… AND move again.

To add to the mix, My Gorgeous Man flew off to Hong Kong the next day.  Yup, his long planned trip to keep his Hong Kong residency valid couldn’t have come at a worse time.  But it couldn’t be avoided either and off he went.

With just me and Sir Maxelot at home, I crashed.  I totally crashed.  I no longer had to keep going for social media… I no longer had to keep going for MGM… I just had to keep going enough to let Sir Maxelot out for his mooches, feeds, cuddles and more mooches.  Turned out I was also crap at lighting the wood burning stove… but very good at lying on the sofa watching multiple episodes of Vera from under a thick blanket.  There’s nothing like a bit of light hearted British, crime drama to soothe the soul.

Sir Maxelot leading the way in crashing out.
Sir Maxelot leading the way in crashing out.

I did however manage to reach out to a couple of agents and ask every frikking person I’d ever come across here, if they knew of anywhere we could rent.  But there was nothing.  This is a very special area and as such there is a massive influx of people over the summer months coming to enjoy the mountains for their holidays.  And that leaves no room for long term rentals.

We were f*cked.

Watch out for Parts 3 & 4 of “What the F*ck just Happened…”
I’ll be sharing them over the next few days.  You won’t believe it…





Amazingly through all of this, there was an underlying flow to a new Spanish Retreat coming to life… a fully immersive weekend with me staying onsite with the group  in a renovated Cortijo, with morning yoga classes, the lovely Philip Martin from Dundee’s Natural Balance Therapy Centre (see above!) offering holistic therapies, an in-house personal chef AND 2 channellings a day!

Only 3 places remaining for 15th – 18th June 2018!

The Universe moves in mysterious ways… as one door closes… so another opens.

Click HERE to find out more!

Sunrise over the Retreat Mountains.
Sunrise over the Retreat Mountains.