I’ve always considered myself a strong, independent woman, deeply connected to the truth of what the Divine Feminine really means in a modern world…. but here’s a personal truth bomb…. I am sooo over being on my own up here in the Spanish Alpujarra mountains. It’s been 6 weeks since My Gorgeous Man left to go and work in Dubai on a 3-5 month contract to get us out of the financial pit we found ourselves in after the palaver of bringing water onto our magical land brought us to our knees.
And all I can say is ‘Thank God, thank the Universe, thank all things wuwu, thank all things destined, not destined fated or not’… because I am over being strong in that old masculine paradigm of strong… and I want my man back here. And I want him back here Now. So I don’t know why I was surprised that the Universe heard my call… and answered it. The Universe always answers… even if we don’t realise it at the time… but the main thing is that My Gorgeous Man is coming back home. I will however, have to hold it together for another 7 days 20 hours and a few more minutes tagged onto the end for increased suspense… until he lands back into Granada next week. His contract role has not worked out for a long list of reasons… and I for one am counting the blessings that he’ll soon be home. Big lessons learned all round.
There are times when the money just isn’t worth it.
The last few days have been tough… spent in the throws of a storm where the wind has been continually blasting the house, leaving my normally zen nerves rattled and my nights, sleepless as I try not to imagine the windows crashing in or the car being blown off the track… while I can hear all things not nailed down, moving around outside. It’s been nighttime rounds of keep the fire going… check Max is warm enough… and checking the pilot light on the fridge hasn’t been blown out again. And it’s amazing how the mind super exaggerates everything in the black of night. It’s been a test of trust and of consciously bringing myself back to focusing ONLY on the good and of not allowing my mind to get the better of me during the dark nights. The ironic thing is that we are only 2.5km away from the main road, 2.6km away from a wonderful friend and 6km away from civilisation, but I might as well have felt as if I’ve been dropped on top of the north pole.
I know I’m probably coming across as overly dramatic, but that’s how it’s felt, especially when I cracked open the door the other morning and the iron gate was pulled out of my hand and slammed against the wall… then later on I could hardly get out of the car because the wind against the door was too strong… the bench and chairs on the terrace were picked up and thrown further along, the fence poles around the terrace were blown down, the washing line was shredded, the wood pile support which was held down and in place by a huge chunk of concrete, was thrown into the porch and the roof collapsed… and the 1000L water storage cube further up the track was blown off its platform.
So for a bit of light relief, I drove into Orgiva to pay my parking ticket before it doubled in price. It wasn’t a great start when I couldn’t even see how to get in through the bank door and I was feeling a right foreigner numpty … and even more so when a local pointed through the door at the entry buzzer right next to me… I waited ages… patiently… to see the one teller on duty and practiced scenarios of Spanish silently in my head while getting my glasses and google translate at the ready… I made it to the desk and cockily thought I was rocking it until the teller handed me back the parking ticket and money then got up and went and put his jacket on and started to walk out the bank… what the heck??? … but he turned round and beckoned me to follow him to the outside cash machine… where it was bloody freezing and he basically did the whole process for me… despite me not putting enough money in and having to restart… and continually misspelling my name through the ultra sensitive touch screen… with a queue building behind me. Then hey presto …. out comes a printed receipt and job done. He even smiled as I tried to enthuse more out of my meagre ‘muchas gracias’….
Note to self… do NOT park there again!
But I do have great news! Since the plumber came and replaced our big posh pump with a smaller version, the solar power system has not tripped… so that’s a whole week of not living on the edge of power outages and black outs and trips to the outdoor solar power room with keys in hand and a prayer in my heart that the light… and internet… will actually come back on. I mean, how many times can you reset a system before it sticks its fingers up at you?!
I cannot fully express what a relief this has been!
The other challenge that has been going on in the background, is that Sir Maxelot has damaged his dew claw. It has been agonising to watch him wince, yelp in pain… but to not let me near it. Luckily, his naturopathic healer is our lovely friend Birgit, who lives those 2.6km away, so she immediately came to the rescue and brought him relief through remedies. He was doing so well and was relaxed and settled… so much so that he forgot about his damaged claw and went into manic ear scratching mode … and his screams of pain totally finished me off last night. So, I never made it to Spanish class, which also meant that I ran out of drinking water because the mountain spring we use is on the way into Lanjarón and I’d been waiting to tick all said boxes at once.
Being an empath, I feel the emotions and physical sensations of other sentient beings… be they human or animal. And while I have lived comfortably with this for many a year and I no longer get overwhelmed by what I feel or pick up… in that moment I was totally ripped apart emotionally and energetically by Sir Maxelot’s scream.
His claw was now at a right angle to his leg. I was feeling sick, dizzy, panicky and totally lost my grounding as the cannon ball of pain hit my solar plexus and stayed there. Normally I can clear what I pick up really quickly… but because I’d lost my centre… his pain, grew and grew inside of me.
I started loading him up with rescue remedy and gave him an extra dose of the appropriate remedy and I sat with him, stroking is head, calming him down and I just had to trust that healing was still able to move through me, despite my own distressed state. I called My Gorgeous Man for support, which turned out to be as equally distressing for him to not be at home and able to help, but selfishly, I just needed someone to hold space for me. We talked through the temporary options of trying to cover the claw, or protect it with homemade cones, or to put of sock over his foot… but every option just made me feel more sick and could actually do more harm than good. It was about an hour later that I left Max’s side after the relaxation and pain remedies had kicked in, and when I moved, he sat up and started to lick his claw and it started to move back into place. It churned my stomach.. but wow… what a star.
By that point I was a wreck and I did something I very rarely do. I asked for help. I’ve always found it hugely difficult to ask for help but I’m working on releasing those old self sabotage patterns!! So, I posted in my Channelling Love Membership group, asking the wonderful hearts and healers there for healing for myself and Sir Maxelot… to help release his pain from me that I couldn’t shift… and to help him in any way and all ways.
This is the wonderful thing about community… beautiful souls responded straight away and I felt such an energetic shift move through me that I had to go lie down. Energy healing is real. We are beings of energy, not just a physical body with a thinking mind. And because we are energy, we can shift, release dis-ease, old toxic emotions, residual pain, belief patterns and all the crap that actually keeps us out of alignment and generally feeling yuk. HUGE Thank you Seanin Banrion, who is the channel for the Cosmic Sophia and who I’m running a retreat with here in the Alpujarras in March… and thank you Jenny Slater, my dear friend and animal communicator who has a strong connection with Sir Maxelot… who were the two ‘first aiders’ on the ‘scene’…. I’m deeply grateful for your help.
Max and I were in ‘bed’ by 9pm… and by the time I woke up at 1.30am he was in a very comfortable deep sleep and it looked like he had licked his claw back into place.
I decided to occupy my mind and put my midnight hours to good use and created the newsletter around this weekend’s big channelling Peace of Heart event… and did some other stuff that took me through till 4.30am… when Max surfaced and asked to go out… with a waggy tail, ears up and very much alert. He wasn’t so impressed with the wind when I opened the door, so it was a quick pit stop and then back to bed.
In the meantime my Gorgeous Man had sent a good morning message as he headed into his contrasting reality of corporate challenges and asked for good luck wishes and high vibes to speed him on his way… and then I collapsed back into bed and finally drifted off to sleep.
What I’ve had reaffirmed again and again over the last few days… is the power and gift of friends… the power of love… the power of trust… the power of our thoughts and the experience we choose to create through them… the deep connection that runs through us all… empaths or not… we are all connected through the Universal life force and LOVE… we are all sentient… we are all healers through our love…. and if that’s sounding all a bit too fluffy and wuwu for you… just take a deep breath… because the scientific world is finally catching up with us witches.
So… I am now back in my light… anchored in grounded presence… being myself… asking for help when I need it… and accepting help when I need it… and keeping on living my spiritual non fluffy truth. As an awakened woman, being strong doesn’t come from standing alone, fighting your way through life and pretending you’re ok… it’s through standing in your truth and owning your vulnerability, being in alignment with your Divinity, your heart and your innate mystic wu… all within the power of love and within love of your tribe.
Hasta Luego my lovely friends… 😎
PS. Sir Maxelot has licked his claw back into place… and breathe… and monitor… and send healing…. and repeat.
PPS. It’s now only 7 days, 18 hours and 32 minutes till My Gorgeous Man arrives home… in fact it’s even less than that because I didn’t post this blog straight away… not that I’m counting the days hours and minutes… nope, I’m not counting at all…